In a white flash and a whoosh, Susan Boyle last night returned to Earth - flying her own spaceship! Only last week it was reported that SuBo had been abducted by aliens from the planet Uttanonsenz.
Speaking in her newly acquired Uttanonsenz accent, which sounds remarkably like West Lothian, SuBo said "It was bloody fantastic! I spent the week appearing on Aliens Have Talent, and learning to fly a spaceship! And there wasn't a bloody red scarf in sight!"
Fanatics were rambling predictably.
"I know everything about Uttanonsenz now! I've read the AlieniPedia page, so I consider myself an expert!" said some unnamed woman clutching a DVD of 'Monarch of the Glen'.
Another fanatic said "I will ask my wealthy husband if we can visit Uttanonsenz for our vacation next year. If Susan likes it, then I know I'll like it too!"
"That spaceship isn't good enough for our 'Lady' Susan," rambled a fanatic clutching a hammer and a saw. "We will start yet another collection to buy her a better model."
"Does anyone have a video clip of her performance?" enquired a fanatic holding a cat.
Two fanatics who could possibly be related said "We were praying for her safe return. Now, who wants a red plastic tablecloth and a Pebbles button? We've got thousands of the things here."
The chief fanatic, returning from his badly needed haircut, grinned "We are in discussions with the Uttanonsenz people to put affiliate links on our site to enable our members to buy more useless crap. Cha-ching!"
