Keith Olbermann Claims Seeing Rachel Maddow's Cleavage
Despite Keith Olbermann's claim that he and Rachel regularly shower together between their liberal propaganda diatribes, and that her cleavage reminds him of the Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers as they converge to form the Ohio River, she continues...
Read full storyBonding between Father and Son Can Cause Permanent Scarring
"Testors" and "Testes," to this day, those words are interchangeably linked in my mind, and so, I was ill prepared for the terror they would again conjure when my son, who just turned eight years old, asked the inevitable question, "Dad, where do model airplanes come from?" Thinking back to my own childhood gave me the shivers as I recalled one of the most horrific father/son projects of my ad...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Waxwork Looks Just Like Him
Initial reactions to Madame Tussauds latest acquisition - Twilight star, Robert Pattinson - have been mostly favourable, with visitors remarking that the wax likeness bore a striking resemblence to the actor. "Eeh, it looks just like him," said 17...
Read full storyLas Vegas Is Asking: Okay Who Will Be Jesse James "TattooGate's" Cycle Chick #5?
LAS VEGAS - The city of Las Vegas, which is known as The Gambling Capital of The Entire Universe, has quickly decided to jump on the "TattooGate" bandwagon. Every Vegas casino from the Alaskan Albatross to the Zulu Witch Doctor has listed odds reg...
Read full storyTim Burton's New Movie Stars Johnny Depp
Tim Burton's new 3-D(isney) version of Winnie-The-Pooh starring Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp, stars Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp in a gothic Tig...
Read full storyTurkey Reduces Kurdish Shish And Doner Quotas
Kurdish kebab shop owners reacted angrily to news that the Turkish government is to "significantly" reduce hunting quotas for doner and shish as a result of a government population survey which revealed that doner and shish numbers in the wilds of th...
Read full storyDavid Cameron sets out to beat cock-sucking record
To raise publicity for the Conservative party ahead of the up-coming election, David Cameron has promised to enter the annual Gay UK Cock Sucking Contest. In the contest, participants are given 10 minutes to suck as many penises to climax as possi...
Read full storyAbba Reunion Not Ruled Out
From information I've received, it doesn't seem to be beyond the realms of possibility that 70's superstars Abba may eventually be Bjorn Again. Abba members have consistently turned down extremely lucrative offers to reform under any guise for any...
Read full storyMossad gang 'with Somali pirate passports' suspected in Cheonan hit
Yellow Sea - (Blitzkreig): Members of a Mossad hit squad that took care of some nasty Hamas business in Dubai earlier this year may be involved in today's incident in the Yellow Sea. A South Korean 1,200-tonne corvette The Cheonan took a massive t...
Read full story603 Pound Best Actress Nominee Gabourney Sidibe Offered A Job As The Ringling Brothers And Barnum and Bailey Circus Fat Lady
DETROIT, Michigan - The Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus was in town for six daily performances at The Unemployment Office Auditorium. Circus ringmaster Hilton Beaverburg noticed that actress Gabourney Sidibe happened to be sitting i...
Read full storyAri Fleisher Requests Tiger's Head Be Hermetically Sealed During Master's Press Conference
High powered Ari Fleisher, newly hired by Tiger Woods to handle his public relations, requested that CBS put Tiger Wood's head into a hermetically sealed bubble during the Master's Tournament interviews. Citing the Nixon Doctrine as precedent, Fleis...
Read full storyInside the Workers' Union
Today, I met the head of the WU (Workers' Union), Taffy McScab. The WU have recently organised a number of strikes across the UK, from Devon cheesemakers to Scottish sheep-shagging holiday tour guides. Me: Hello, Mr MrScab. TM: Hi. Me: So, you've had a number of successful strikes recently. TM: That we have. Chuffing great they were and all. Me: What exactly have you achieved with t...
Read full storyEvangelist Pat Robertson Channels Lenny Bruce, Lets F-Bomb Fly
Pat Robertson, asking for the spirit to fill him, instead got Lenny Bruce. All hell broke loose when he started cursing uncontrollably on the 700 Club. The show was not running on delay as something of this nature had never happened before, and there...
Read full storyRoyal Society Sues for ism Copy Write Infringement in Desperate Attempt to Remain Solvent
Warning: This article contains intelligent design and may not suit your hunger for sex and celebrity trash. In a seemingly desperate action to maintain funding for the self proclaimed world center of science the Royal Society has filed suit in ev...
Read full storyCaddyshack Hero Carl Spackler Refuses To Help Kill Osama bin Laden
Carl Spackler tells President Obama that he will seek sanctuary in Tibet if drafted to go out to find and kill Osama bin Laden. The crafty golf course handyman who dedicated his life to the eradication of a mischievous groundhog in the epic war m...
Read full storySteven Gerrard admits, "I'm a Flop" and secretly asks fellow mighty Scouser, Rooney for some tips!
Liverpool stalwart, super - star and flop, Stevie Gerrard has admitted to being just what he is, a flop! After reaching the astronomical heights of being rated as one of the best mid-fielders in the world he has now, at his own admission, become a...
Read full storyBrown to tax your manhood
Alistair Darling announced on Wednesday tough new measures to get the national debt reduced. these included taxes on fuel, cigarettes, and alcohol. Now it has been revealed that one of his lesser known taxes is the one to tax your manhood. Under n...
Read full storyGiant Plug Found at Bottom of Pacific Ocean
Marine biologists have found a giant plug at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, in the Marianas Trench. The researchers, in their deep submersible, were not particularly surprised when they spotted an enormous chain snaking across the muddy bottom.
Read full storyGreat Crested Newt swears he isn't endangered.
Gordon, "The Great Crested Newt", today released a statement from a pond somewhere in Central England stating that he'd like to know exactly who said he was endangered? Gordon or Mr.Newt to you, is said to be incandescent(especially on his belly)...
Read full storyThe Jesse James "TattooGate" Saga Continues With Cycle Chick #4
LONG BEACH, California - West Coast Choppers, which is owned and operated by Sandra Bullock's, as of now still-husband, Jesse "Mr. Peckerwood" James has become one of the busiest places in America. A Long Beach police officer who asked not to be i...
Read full storyFourth "Twilight: Breaking Dawn" Will Be In 3D
With the success of the Avatar movie and the large audience that the first two Twilight movies have brought in, assistant producer, Akira Horoko told reporters yesterday the the fourth Twilight movie, "Breaking Dawn" will almost certainly be in 3D.
Read full storyUseless Gifts 8 : Name A Star After Someone
This is pretty much the same thing as the "Plant a Tree" gift. Equally thoughtless and pointless, anyone that gets a star named after them as a gift will resent you. How is this a good gift? As if anyone who gets a star named after them will look at the sky every night for a few hours, finally find their star, and then say, "Hey! There's me!" The site has several different kinds of packages,...
Read full storyUseless Gifts 7 : The Electric Chair
That's right; you can buy an electric chair. And at only just above £800, no less! What better way to tell someone you hate them and want them to die than by getting them their own fully-operational electric chair? The website for this chair reads, "It's not a model or toy, mind you... This is a real piece of furniture carefully built by some very skilled (and very strange) craftsmen. You and...
Read full storySusan Boyle To Receive $6 Million On April First, Will Build Inside Toilet
When asked what she was going to do with her first really big check of over six million dollars, Susan Boyle says that she's finally going to have inside plumbing done on her home. "I know it sounds unsanitary having a toilet inside the house, but...
Read full storyParanoid Americans called "Preppers" waiting for an impending disaster open supermarkets in their cellars!
The "Prepper" movement in the US is rapidly growing as many Americans see the rebirth of their new "Black Messiah" a sign of an impending disaster. "If 'GOD' allowed a Black President than there must be still worst too come," they say. Many "Pr...
Read full storyAl Gore Supports Obama's 'Take Your Life' Incentive for Seniors
As is the case anytime the Democrats link the words 'historic' and 'legislation' all hell breaks loose and the truth seeps through various crack pots. In one of several aspects of Health Care reform the 'Take your Life' incentive for seniors is b...
Read full storyShock Over Welsh Language Use
Most Welsh people only speak the language so that the English cannot understand what they are saying, a survey has confirmed. More than 20,000 Welsh people were questioned after complaints were made about a phrase book. Several entries in the b...
Read full storyHuge Glacier Disappears in Norway
A huge glacier has disappeared without trace in northern Norway. "It was there last autumn" explained Norwegian geologist Lööf Lîrpa, calling from his log cabin inside the Arctic circle. "It's dark all day here in the winter, and we were all t...
Read full storyCasino on the Rails
With the high-speed rail controversy still raging in Ohio, the Pen Corporation, which is putting the casinos in the four locations in Ohio is planning to ask the State Legislature to change their licensing options to include a Casino Train which woul...
Read full storyBling for Boyle as Subo gets gong and fanclub fanatics furiously fume that Susan has been snubbed
Susan Boyle fans, in the UK, are shaking their heads in disbelief at the reaction of some fanatics to the news that Miss Boyle is to receive an MBE in the Queen's Birthday Honours List. UK fans have tried, again and again, to convince some people...
Read full storySimon Cowell Leaving American Idol Over Curse
Simon Cowell, the best known judge on "American Idol" is not leaving the show because he is getting married or that it is because of his new job as producer of The X Factor on the new US version, according to a Source. "Simon Cowell will not sit...
Read full storyJoe Biden Sits on White House Toilet - With Door Open - and Whistles
"Clueless Joe" as they are calling him these days, seems to be losing it bit by bit, as he wanders through the White House talking to no one in particular and asking the maid if she needs any help. Seems Mr. Biden is finding it hard to keep himself b...
Read full storyTragedy at the White House
President Obama's daughters are heartbroken after he ran over and killed their dog in a White House golf cart. The president had completed a three over par round on the course behind the building when the accident happened. The six-month-old Po...
Read full storyLatest Offer from Porn Distributor to Help Octomom Sucks
Octomom, has just received an offer to get out from under her financial woes by none other than Hotend Entertainment, a porn industry leader, if she'll make a porn film with 8 men. But Octomom is saying not so fast. "I am a mother of 14 children;...
Read full storyAhem, Your Holiness! Slight amnesia problem about Angela Merkel DNA?
Rome - (Holy Ass Mess): An LA celebwatch website has named tubby German Chancellor Angela Merkel as Pope Joe Ratzinger's eldest daughter. LA FagHagSlagMag says 'Murky' Merkel has matched DNA positive with the former head of the Vatican's Inquisiti...
Read full storyLady Gaga wants Nanny McPhee's hat
Lady Gaga, who is alleged to have the worlds biggest collection of hats, is wanting to buy Nanny McPhee's hat to add to her growing collection. After watching the Movie Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang, Lady Gaga is reported to have exclaimed: "I mu...
Read full storyThe Spoof to charge subscription
The Spoof is to charge a £10 monthly subscription to read their stories from the 1st of April of this year. This follows on from today's news that News International, are to charge a subscription of £2 per week in order for you to view their on-line...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham and Cheryl Cole Have Penned a book together - The Anorexic Diaries
The two WAGS and pop stars, formerly both in girl-bands, had an idea pitched to them by their publicists that since they have both so much in common including their waif, thin gaunt-like appearance they should both co-write a book together about thei...
Read full storyAlex Reid: Hypnotised By Price
Cage-fighting, cross-dressing wannabe movie star Alex Reid is reported to have been ordered by his new wife to enter an intensive therapy programme. Speaking from a top secret location, to be exclusively revealed later in her TV series What I Did...
Read full storyNothing not even a sausage
Professor Karl Carlton known as the Nutty Professor, has caused more controversy after what he has said about the Big Bang which most scientists believe started the Universe 15 Billion years ago. A long long long long time ago more than 15 billion...
Read full storyTalks currently underway to have Cheryl Cole as a manequin in store 2 hours a day for the next three months!
London-Big shots in the clothing industry are currently trying so sign the nation sweetheart Cheryl Cole to a DEAL that might make her at least 10 million quid. A certain highstreet clothing store thanks its latest intern a certain Shongrila Meek...
Read full storyTiger Woods Emails Jesse James: "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!"
ORLANDO - The Tiger Woods family maid Paprika Latibia Madison stated that Tiger emailed Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse "Have I Got Some Nads Or What?" James with a six word email that really and truly said it all, "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!...
Read full storyThe Musical Reality Show "Iranian Idol" Is Cancelled When One of The Singers Shoots One of The Judges
TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian Idol is only in its first season and it has already been cancelled. A spokesperson for 19th Camel Hump Productions, Sim Casbar stated that Iranian Idol had just entered into its Top Ten stage. Twenty-six year old Dezjand...
Read full storyKirstie Alley's Ex-Maid Said That The Only Thing That Kirstie Does Not Eat Is Words
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Vanessa Vagiopello, who worked for three years as Kirstie Alley's maid, has revealed some interesting secrets about the 409 pound actress in her recently published book, Thar She Blows - The Kirstie Alley Story. Vagiopello said t...
Read full storyJesse James' "TattooGate" - Brigitte Daguerre Is Cycle Chick #3
LOS ANGELES - Ladies and gentlemen and now we present "Girls of TattooGate" Cycle Chick #3 Brigitte Daguerre. Duguerre, (which is pronounced GIVE Me MON) is a 40-year-old Los Angeles photographer and part time pole dancer. Brigitte has reported...
Read full storyLiz Cheney Calls Rachel Maddow "Hot"
A few weeks ago, the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) got underway in Washington, DC and there were no real surprises in front of the cameras, save for that magical moment when Dick Cheney appeared out of nowhere to chants of "Run, Di...
Read full storyAnother Oscar? Meryl Streep Stars In "Watching Paint Dry"
The new movie starring Meryl Streep and just released for showing this coming weekend is another sure winner for Meryl Streep, according to most critics, including Roger Berbet. "Ms. Streep really outdoes herself in this one. It could well be the...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's The De-Balling of America Ch. 1-4
Beware the De-Ballers with their sharp scissors! Stand tall like real men everywhere, strike a blow for machismo, respect and honor. Look like a real man even if you aren't one by being duplicitous, cunning, and deceitful. (All traits copied from women, of course.) Adopt a swagger, wear macho clothes, smoke cigars, grow a beard, sign up with the Hells Angels, practice spitting, say no to N.O.W.
Read full storyBoner Man Has Sex with Five Nurses; Sues Sex Pill Maker
In the first of several anticipated law suits an Intercourse Pennsylvania man sued Horny Goat Pharmaceuticals in District court today. The man claims that the maker of the erectile dysfunction supplement Liagra is guilty of false advertising, mislabe...
Read full storyJoe Jonas To Star In "Dead Until Dark", Based On Harris Novels?
Rumors are flying that Joe Jonas may play the role of Bill Compton in the cast of a new movie "Dead Until Dark". Nothing has been said about who they are considering to play Sookie Stackhouse, the heroine, but since these are early days, the major...
Read full storyPope Targeted by Flash Mob Protest
The performance art troupe who recently sabotaged an Ieka advertising campaign on the Paris Metro - dancers staged a five-minute flash mob protest around sofas and trompe-l'oeil bookcases and wardrobes placed on Metro platforms by the Swedish furnitu...
Read full story