Carl Spackler tells President Obama that he will seek sanctuary in Tibet if drafted to go out to find and kill Osama bin Laden.
The crafty golf course handyman who dedicated his life to the eradication of a mischievous groundhog in the epic war movie, Caddyshack, said today that Barack Obama was unable to convince him that bin Laden was a bonafide threat. According to Spackler, under United Nations Rule 911, the bombing of the New York Trade Center and the Pentagon failed to meet global terrorism standards.
Spackler, upon consultation with the Dalai Lama, called the President last night to tell him that he would not lower himself to combat a "nuisance." Citing his experience in combating the indestructible predator in Caddyshack, he told Obama that his newly appointed Osama bin Laden Czar, General Field Marshall Cinque Mtume, was "looking up a dead dog's butt" if he thought he could catch bin Laden.
Also, according to Spackler, Obama could not convince him that he would not be turned over to the World Court if bin Laden claimed that the United States lacked jurisdiction in combating terrorism.
Spackler was also concerned that Attorney General Eric Holder would give bin Laden status under the Geneva Convention as a battlefield combatant. "I just don't trust the guy," said the diffident grounds keeper. "I'm heading for Tibet where the Dalai Lama promised me sanctuary."
