Ari Fleisher Requests Tiger's Head Be Hermetically Sealed During Master's Press Conference

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 26 March 2010

High powered Ari Fleisher, newly hired by Tiger Woods to handle his public relations, requested that CBS put Tiger Wood's head into a hermetically sealed bubble during the Master's Tournament interviews. Citing the Nixon Doctrine as precedent, Fleisher pointed out that facial issues probably caused Nixon to lose the election to John Kennedy in the first Presidential debate ever shown on TV.

To preclude fermentation during the interviews, Fleisher also requested that the temperature within the bubble be lowered to minus 20 degrees Fahrenheit so that Tiger does not sweat so profusely when questioned about which ho gave him the best air starts.

Smelling a rat (genera Rattus), CBS countered with a proposal that would lower the temperature to minus 120 degrees, hoping to freeze dry Tiger's brain before he could dodge questions revolving around his sordid relationships. Their research has shown that Ted Williams has not changed his views on any of his own relationships since his brain was frozen at that temperature a few years ago.

Hopefully the two sides will come together on the temperature before Tiger tees off next week. We certainly don't want anything to diminish "The tournament, unlike any other."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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