"MPs deserve pay rise"
A man from Barnsley has agreed with the pay rise intended for the UK's MPs. He argued "There are many of these poor people living in cramped flats, bedsits and even park benches. They are below the poverty line and they need our help." He further...
Read full storyCaracas is South America's Deadliest City: "That's my Town!" Crows Sean Penn At Ceremony Honoring Chavez.
Follyood actor and activist Sean Penn was on hand today to award his idol and mentor Hugo Chavez the coveted 'Golden Bullet Award' for presiding over South America's deadliest city. The smiling Penn, always effusive in his support for the Narco Di...
Read full storyWoman talks for five hours without inhaling air
Judith Beckinsdale, aged 56 and from Billingsgate has set a new world record for talking nonstop. Judith, a self proclaimed 'fish wife' rambled on for 5 hours and 24 minutes yesterday in her front room of all places. She beat the previous record by 6...
Read full storyKatie Price Possessed By Spirit
Our favourite glamour model has revealed even more in the latest episode of her critically acclaimed series What I Did Next. In a WORLD EXCLUSIVE Katie disclosed, "I've been possessed by an evil spirit for years. It's the reason I've been behaving...
Read full storyNASA sacks Toyota
Johnny Pluto, head of big rockets at NASA today unceremoniously sacked Toyota. Riding on the crest of a wave some 6 years ago they were tasked with designing a ship to take man to Mars, but the dream is now over. Mr Pluto said "They simply can't...
Read full storyDivided Supreme Court Reverses Roe vs. Wade
Washington D.C.- The United States Supreme Court voted, in a surprise opinion by a narrow majority of justices, to reverse its 1973 precedent in Roe v. Wade legalizing abortion. The justices let stand the essential ruling on a woman's right to p...
Read full storyKray pal patio corpse: did Thatcher order hit?
London - (God's Wanker Mess): The godmother of UK organised crime is suspected of being behind the grisly scenes in Fulham's Alderville Road this week. A mystery corpse was discovered under gangland boss Reggie Kray old mucker Roy Heath's patio...
Read full storySpectre of Lady Macbeth A Grim Mother's Day Omen
London - (Rasputin Mess): An ominous bit of ectoplasm 'just like a sleepwalking Lady Macbeth' has emerged from the Queen's vagina sending terrified royal flunkies absolutely mental. The apparition was seen in the monarch's bedroom at close to midn...
Read full storyRafa Benitez Sacked
Rafa Benitez has been sacked as manager of Liverpool FC following yet another defeat. The board took their decision immediately after the defeat tonight by Lille in the Europa league. Sammy Lee, Benitez's assistant is likely to take charge of first t...
Read full storyTwilight 'Eclipse' Trailer Causes Net Meltdown
The internet release of the trailer for the third instalment in the Twilight series, Eclipse had technicians the world over working flat out to sustain internet services as an estimated 11 billion people tuned in to see where Rob Patz, K Stew, Tay La...
Read full storyDick Cheney Admits That His Undisclosed Location Was At Hidden Valley Ranch
"We figured no one would look for me there", Cheney told reporters on a trip to Washington DC, this week to Boo the President whenever he came outside. "There He Is!", shouted someone near. Cheney immediately began booing and yelling "You Lie!...
Read full storyBeckham from Peckham
Dave Boy Beckham from Peckham is no relation to that other David Beckham the one that kicks balls,in fact he has a small flat in Peckham, where he tries to do dodgy deals selling all sorts off stuff that you definitely would not buy unless you just h...
Read full storyHistory Channel To Show JFK's Sexual Side In New Series
According to several newspapers out this morning, The History Channel will be showing an eight-part series next year on John F. Kennedy that makes Bill Clinton look like a Monk. Caroline Kennedy has apparently came out fighting after hearing about...
Read full storyAshley Greene Upset Over New "Naked Ashleee" Video Game
Ashley Greene is very upset over a new Japanese video game called "Naked Ashleee". "There's probably nothing I can do about it but they have put out a video game with someone who looks a lot like me in the nude and the object is to paint a swimsui...
Read full storyCorey Haim's Cell Phone Bombarded By Unscrupulous Telemarketers
Dead 'Lost Boy' actor Corey Haim's cell phone has been bombarded by unscrupulous telemarketers, who apparently unaware that the insomniac star is actually dead have been falling all over themselves trying to sell him all kinds of crap, which would ha...
Read full storyWarehouse engulfed in flames - Valuable Art missing
Laslo Long, who owns a number of warehouses in Miami, insured a dockside warehouse as a Valuable Art Bonded Storage Facility. The warehouse inventory listed rarely seen museum collection pieces of art by: Matisse, Andy Warhol, Alexander Calder...
Read full storyBecks return to Old Trafford turned sour, Sir Alex threw the boot at him!
"Golden Balls" David Beckham returned to Old Trafford and the whole blaze of publicity was turned into a rather "damp squid" after Rooney and Co spoilt his party In fact Sir Alex was so overjoyed at stuffing Beckhams present team of OAP,s, AC Mila...
Read full storyLost Jewish tribe found in Zimbabwe proves that Moses did part the waves!
The Lemba, a long lost Jewish tribe has been discovered living in a remote part of Zimbabwe untouched by Robert Mugabe's lynch mobs and are still practising circumsion in the old - fashioned way, with a blunt knife, OUCH! This long lost tribe have...
Read full storySpoof Saga Blamed for UK Teacher's Infatuation & Seduction of 16 year Old 'Pirate' Student
A 39 year old married Administrator of a UK school has been charged with the seduction and the carrying on of a 10 month affair with a 16 year old student in her charge characterized as her 'gorgeous Pirate.' The woman, who can not be named in ord...
Read full storyLocal Dog Makes Predictions of Death, Famine and Sour Milk
Bengie the dog is at it again: making predictions that have stunned the local community with their horror and foreboding. If it was any other dog most folk would ignore his pointless ramblings, but Bengie's previous visions have proved so accurat...
Read full storyDaughter of British Indian man missing
In a completely coincidental, unfortunate turn of events, a missing British Indian boy has been found safe and well in India at an uncle's house (named locally as Jeera) watching slumdog millionaire and eating chicken tikka masala and a peshwari naan...
Read full storyVicious Venables has a licence
Vicious John Venables the murdering scumbag has a licence to change his name and location whenever he wants. Venables along with Robert Thomson murdered two year old James Bulger after torturing him. Every change of name and location costs a f...
Read full storyCheryl does it "for the girls"
Cheryl Cole has today called a press conference for the worlds' leading journalists and writers such as Piers Morgan, Katie Price and Basil Brush, to announce that she will NOT be reconciling with husband Ashley Cole. Alleged claims that the Cole...
Read full storyStraw Asked Facebook To Shut Down Thick Of It Group
Jack Straw asked Facebook, the social networking site, to remove a group set up by fans of the satirical TV series The Thick Of It after complaints were received that it attracts too many thick bastards. The group, which purports to be for mature...
Read full story"I have a thing for 'Ginga's'" says Owen.
The front man with the band Take That admitted he loves nothing more than burying his face in a full ginger bush. "True Gingas" he lovingly refers to them as must be of the collars and cuffs variety with none of that tinted rubbish. "The very tho...
Read full storyModel company release plans for a new high speed train set
The UK's biggest model railway makers have released plans to build the UK's fastest train set. The company have decided to grasp the nettle and throw investment capitol at the project to mirror the government's proposals and meet with the country's d...
Read full storyObama Satirists On Auto-Pilot
Much to the dismay of true humour lovers the world over anti-Obama satirists have become robotic, running the same treadmill every day in an effort to bring him down. Their constant decrying of the new President no matter what he does always boil...
Read full storyCIA poisoned Jackie Kennedy ancestral town with LSD
Pont-Saint-Esprit, France - (Toxic Mess): A 1951 CIA mind control experiment tried to obliterate the ancestral roots of Jackie Kennedy's home town in France, a new book has revealed. The sleepy southern French hamlet of Pont-Saint-Esprit was conta...
Read full storyTurnstiles Generate Revenue
Corporations worldwide are embracing an old technology - the turnstile. Generate extra revenue, penalize late employees, control crowds, prevent pranks, and stop factory terrorism. As an example American Cheeze Whizer Corp. of Chicago, IL (ACW) h...
Read full storyBecks getting excited about Milan Man U. game
Beck's is getting excited. Yes Becks is getting excited about the game with Man. U. He's been jumping up and down on his bed for ages. "Arm so excited A can 'ardly contain meself. I just 'ope A don't do sumfin' stupid when A see some of me old mates again. A don't wanna cry wiv emotion coz den A wouldn't be able to see de ball would A?" "Ar've already been told not t'do too much 'uggin...
Read full storyCheryl Treated Ashley Like Dirt Claims Family Friend
,According to those in the know, Ashley and Cheryl Cole's separation came as no surprise. Because Cheryl has been treating Ashley like dirt for months. A friend of the family claimed that Ashley was virtually forced into seeking sexual gratificati...
Read full storyFox Launches "America's Got Lesbians"
Fans of American Idol, America's Got Talent, and Britain's Got Talent will get another choice in the line-up of shows offered by the diminutive Ryan Seacrest and his butch partner Simon Cowell. The producers of TV's most popular reality-based talent...
Read full storyMark Owen heads Shaggers Top Ten
London - (Extramarital Ass Mess): Move over Tiger Woods, John Terry, Ashley Cole, etc. This month's Shaggers Top of the Pops is Take That's Mark Owen. The winner of 2002 reality TV show Celebrity Big Shagger Most Promising/Up-And-Coming award Ow...
Read full storyLegal High To Be Banned From Tuesday
A drug, freely available on the internet at the moment is to be banned and criminalised from next Tuesday. The drug, which goes by the name of 'Squit-Squit' and is extremely popular with young clubbers promotes a harmonious feeling of well-being (or...
Read full storyVatican exorcist names Papal housekeeper Ingrid Stampa
Vatican - (Bell, Book 'N' Candelabra Mess): Top Spanish Inquisition waterboarder Father Gabriele Amorth has named Papal housekeeper Sister Ingrid 'La' Stampa as the satanic menace in the Vatican. The church's chief exorcist said today he had a hun...
Read full storyMark Owen: I hated being on my Own
Mark Owen the squeaky clean member of take that has admitted to at least ten affairs, maybe he is trying to beat Tiger Woods, John Terry or Ashley Cole. Owen said today "I hated being on my own". Owen went on to say that he was deeply sorry for hi...
Read full storyDaniel Day Lewis And Helena Bonham Carter To Play Man With Talking Penis And Woman With Whistling Vagina In Tim Burton Biopic
Following up on a lead provided by top Spoof writer Abel Rodriguez, Hollywood insider Kurt Kuntz started making enquiries which revealed that 'Alice' director Tim Burton is already working on his next project, a biopic of the man with the talking pen...
Read full storyTiger tries Crazy golf and is beaten by his wife
Tiger Woods has taken up crazy golf and crazy as it seems was beaten by his wife,who has never beaten him before despite what was said the night Tiger crashed his car. This game is crazy proclaimed Tiger you spend ages lining up the shot to go str...
Read full storyT J Hacker - the Worlds Greatest Hacker - on Remote Viewing
T J Hacker the worlds greatest hacker has hacked into Secret government files about spies known as remote viewers. It may seem unbelievable but most major powers use psychics trained in remote viewing. The Secret Intelligence Service, often known...
Read full storyChulo-Chulo Beats Take Europe By Storm!
It's new, it's sassy, it's brash, it's loud and it's taking Europe by storm. With its origins deeply rooted in the rain forests and favelas of South America, Chulo-Chulo beats have burst onto the European club scene and look to be gaining in infectio...
Read full storyKatie Price Buys Customized Mountain Bike
Media darling Katie Price today fired the opening salvo in her one woman war on Hollywood celebs by buying a mountain bike, ensuring that she hits the headlines in the Hollywood Bugle. Responding quickly to a sudden upsurge in Hollywood mountain b...
Read full storyMark Owen Blames Ashley Cole
Lovely little Mark Owen of Take That and Celebrity Big Brother fame has today confessed to cheating on his wife with ten different women. In his lovely little high voice he said, "I have been a really, really bad little lovely lad, and I hope you...
Read full storyKatona Signs For Team Andre
Ex-atomic kitten, ex-rehab resident and ex-wife Kerry Katona has this morning signed up with Peter Andre's management team for an estimated £5.80 per hour. In a statement Andre's manager Claire is said to have said, "I can confirm that the agency...
Read full storyCheryl Cole And Sarah Harding In Bitch Fight Over Ashley
West End Stringer Barry Boddington was trawling the streets of the capital's fleshpots in the early hours of this morning when he was approached by two men in their early twenties who addressed him by name and informed him that there was a furious bi...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Promises The "Twi-Hards" That He Isn't Hanging Up His Fangs Just Yet
BOSTON - The Twilight Saga series star Robert Pattinson was in town to shoot a commercial for Boston Baked Beans. After the fifth take and his sixth bowl of beans the director yelled cut and that it was a wrap. Pattinson then sat down with a repor...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Chelsie Hightower Has Bachelor Jake Pavelka Asking "Vienna Who?"
HOLLYWOOD - The Bachelor Jake Pavelka who is one of this years celebrity contestants on Dancing With The Stars has been paired off with blonde professional dancer Chelsie Hightower. It is being reported by an inside source that Jake is so smitten...
Read full storyRace-car drivers now allowed to "fight to the finish" using handguns
In order to spur the flagging interest of America's Race-car fans, the organization's bylaws were amended today to allow drivers to fire guns out of the windows of their cars to "impede, slow, or otherwise better the racer's progress against a compet...
Read full storyNewly hired immigrant misinterprets "stocking" job classification
"He had been acting strangely since day one, lurking around behind clothes racks and spending a lot of time watching the security monitors in the back room," said Quentin Newbry, acting store manager for Jamieson's Supermarket in La Puente,Ca. Gu...
Read full storySpoof writer to become Millionairess
OMG OMG OMG I just cannot believe what has just happened to me. I am going in to work tomorrow and am handing in my notice. My horoscope did say, this morning, that today was going to be a lucky day for me. I would have been happy winning a doughnut from the Tim Horton's ROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN 'game'. Hang on a mo' I have to run to the loo. I'm so excited I am going to 'wee myself'.....
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Cyrstal Bowersox Knocks The 'Sox' Off Of The Other Seven Girls
HOLLYWOOD - After the top eight girls had performed and each had put down her American Idol microphone one girl clearly stood out. And to use Simon Cowell's favorite saying, she stood out Head and Shoulders Shampoo above all of the other seven gir...
Read full storyFrank Lampard And Christine Bleakley Should Come Clean
A group of tabloid journalists have made an impassioned appeal for Chelsea footballer Frank Lampard and The One Show's Christine Bleakley to come clean with regard to the exact nature of their relationship. Lamps and Christine have been spotted to...
Read full storyThe Missus is My Kok Wank Says Cameron
Pink-faced upper class twit and Tony Blair-Wanabee Tory Boy Leader David Cameron admits that wife Samantha is his very own Kok Wank-type style-guru, writes Fanny Twatter. The Boy Leader came clean in an interview on Radio Fuckwit yesterday when he...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: Pattinson, Lautner Will Cause Me To Have A Heart Attack
Actress Kristen Stewart says that between the two of them, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner will be the death of her. "I want the guys to know that I can 'take it' and that I appreciate jokes and having fun but between the Twilight movies and t...
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