Cheryl Cole has today called a press conference for the worlds' leading journalists and writers such as Piers Morgan, Katie Price and Basil Brush, to announce that she will NOT be reconciling with husband Ashley Cole.
Alleged claims that the Coles were reuniting were quashed as Cheryl defiantly denied the rumours.
Cheryl has in fact been taking a stand for "all women who have been lied to and cheated on" and sought revenge against men who have been unfaithful.
Acting undercover using the name "Chez Tweed", Cheryl has been seducing the unsuspecting men, such as John Terry, Mark Owen and Tiger Woods - and even duped husband Ashley, and has "used them for sex and one night stands" so they know "how it feels"
Cheryl has warned that no unfaithful man is safe, celebrity or not, and is prepared to lower her standards as "necessary" to ensure that justice is delivered.
So all unfaithful men out there beware of "Chez Tweed" she'll suck you in and spit you out in a second.
