Woman talks for five hours without inhaling air

Written by Proffitt

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Judith Beckinsdale, aged 56 and from Billingsgate has set a new world record for talking nonstop. Judith, a self proclaimed 'fish wife' rambled on for 5 hours and 24 minutes yesterday in her front room of all places. She beat the previous record by 6 minutes set in 1978 by Nan Gordon of Glasgow.

Jude's feat was witnessed by two representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records, a handful of scientists all wearing protective head gear and her unfortunate henpecked husband, Alan.

After examining the fishy rambler scientists explained how she was able to perform such an act. "Every woman is born with gills situated behind her ears, however they remain inactive for years. Then an impulse probably stimulated by a dense metal located on their left hand area triggers their breathing ability. It's remarkably common you know."

Scientists at Oxford University are now seeking 2 million pounds from the Lottery Commission to find a way of activating the man's "I couldn't give a toss" gene before he becomes extinct. "It will stop the suffering of many a man," said an Oxford spokesman.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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