Media darling Katie Price today fired the opening salvo in her one woman war on Hollywood celebs by buying a mountain bike, ensuring that she hits the headlines in the Hollywood Bugle.
Responding quickly to a sudden upsurge in Hollywood mountain bike mania, Price secretly visited Len Fisk's Catford workshop and ordered a customized mountain bike of her own, which she intends to ride around London in a defiant display of naked Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better-ism.
Len Fisk, a legend in the hurly burly world of extreme mountain bike design admitted that the Katie Price mountain bike specifications were a little daunting to pull off, but said that once he'd got around the problem of the gears he was home free, and it had all been plain sailing after that.
The gear switch is a big pink phallic shaped knob on the crossbar that Katie Price will be able to toss around to her hearts content as the bike has fifty gears and the knob is made of indestructable plastic.
"She'll get blisters on her palms before she'll wear that bugger out," Len Fisk said proudly.
Perhaps the biggest design challenge faced by Len Fisk though was the provision of what he calls 'the tit hammock' a device welded onto the frame to provide added support for Jordan/Katie's love humps.
Len got around this problem by constructing a chrome vanadium support rig, welded to the handlebars and based on a load bearing design model by Gustav Eiffel, and a pair of titanium 'titty cups' constructed from a design model of two basketballs jostling for position.
Len Fisk tells this reporter that Jordan/Katie has taken delivery of her mountain bike and that he expects to see her sweating, puffing and panting as she negotiates the hills on the South Downs.
Hollywood mountain bikers such as Kristen Stewart and Miley Cyrus are reportedly 'non-threatened' by the uber-breasted British celeb assault on the mountain biking community.
Reports are also reaching me of a fierce backlash in the form of Peter Andre buying a Harley Davidson.
More on that as soon as I make it up.
