Hollywood star, Ocker hunk, X-Man and manicurists nightmare, Hugh Jackman has chanced upon a wicked ruse to stay forever toned and fit in the eyes of his adoring fans.
Rather than sweat his pocket rocket off at some celebrity ridden gym he prefers to stay indoors and give the ferret a run with his live-in AuPair Miko Nakerdodo.
"Listen sport" says our rather beefy Hugh, "I got enough tinnies in the flamin' fridge to last at least another fortnight and Miko makes sure we have enough raw prawns for the barbie, so no worries.
"Fortunately, the press is still using old beach photos of me taken a few years ago on Bondi, all muscles and tanned like,that's bloody handy cobber as it means me fans still think I look like that.
"Why waste precious drinking time toning up with a mob of bloody poofters in a gym mate, as a matter of fact I haven't been outta the house for two bloody years!"
When asked about his 'latest' project Hugh replied, "Well sport, I'm still working on Miko at the moment, strewth when in comes to bedroom gymnastics this Sheila is a little beauty fair wears a joker out."
When we specifically asked about his next movie project Hugh told us: "Well, me agent reckons we can get a bit more mileage out of 'Australia 2" Nicole's up for some more of it and me old mate Bazza Luhrmann says it will be set 20 years on when I'm an old joker. No point wearing a body suit as I'm already weighing in at eighteen stone and the character I'm playing is a fat old fart anyway!"
Kay Burley is considering emigrating to the colonies.
