Written by marburk

Friday, 6 August 2010

image for Soupathon 2010 Kicks Off
Soupathon 2010

Once every decade sport graces us with the birth of a star. One who stands out and up to the rest. An artisan of his game, a man amongst men, names like Pele, Mohamed Ali, Njinsky, St Ellens come to mind. The Soupathon 2010 promises to give birth to another. Remember the names, Morissey, Feeney, for one, the winner will go down in history his name will be whispered in history. Thought of as Hercules one thousand years from now.

Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh describes the inaugural Soupathon which took place back in 1687: 'I remember it like it was yesterday. Unfortunately the match was a sellout and I had to watch it on my 42" HD TV. The game was over in a flash, both players drinking their heart out. The match ended in a draw that day. But that was then and this is now. Things are different now you know. Its a professional sport these days and the two gentlemen in this years final are real athletes. They leave no stone unturned or pint empty in their preparation. A credit to their generation'.

So what of this years finalists? Both are exiles from facebook, refusing to comment in case it would make them lose their focus. Quotes have slipped out of each camp this week wetting the appetite ahead of this momentous occasion. Morrisey hit first stating that 'Feeney can't drink soup unless its on a spoon' while Feeney claims that 'Morrisey is a big girls blouse at heart and is only used of drinking half pints like the rest of the girls'. Morrisey's record this year is impressive downing a full pint in 8.8seconds 2 weeks ago. Feeney on the other hand has all the experience but had his first DNF (Did Not Finish) last week at the races when he failed to finish of the last of his soup. He had excuses that day and there are reports that he suffered a brain freeze mid way through the pint. The training approaches both are taking are quiet different too. Feeney drinking on hills where the altitude is high and there is less air. Morrisey is taking pints to a undisclosed swimming pool and downing it while submerged in an attempt to drink as much as possible.

The date, time and location of Soupathon 2010 is a closely guarded secret at the moment but when the details are finalised you can be sure that shop street will once again need to be closed to cater for the masses of support that both athletes will bring. Its rumored that tickets will be exchanged on the black market for as high as 6 cases of soup. Managing Director Tony Hession is also in talks with the Olympic committee attemping to get the Soupathon recognized as an offical sport for the 2012 Olympics. Tony has stated 'You saw from the European Athletics last week that running around the place is not where the Irish strengths lie. With these two athletes we have superstars and would be guranteed gold and silver in London'.

So for the winner of Soupathon 2010 immortality beckons. For the loser it will be a hard defeat and one which will take a long time to get over. At least he may then turn his focus to 2012. I say lets get Soupathon 2010 started.......

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: soup

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
58 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more