Three Spoofers Get ASBOs After "hanging about' London Causing Chaos!
Three rather well know Spoofers were caught short recently after an innocent writer's conference turned into 'quite a cock up' according to one eye witness in the Covent Garden area. According to Percival Montbatten, a tenured 'elf and safety offi...
Read full storyTiki Gets Shaggy with his Babysitter, Claims: "It wasn't me!"
Tiki Barber the ex NFL NY Giant and current television midget is testing the adage of 'blood is thicker than water' by tossing his twin brother Ronde under the babysitter bus. Recent news has revealed that Tiki was prowling in Tiger's woods with...
Read full storyTwilight Producers place Condom on Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson for 'Breakdancing Dawn'
Director Bill Condom has been placed to direct the next installment of the Twilight series featuring the onscreen offscreen neck suckers Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. Twilight is officially a franchise that follows the life and times of horm...
Read full storyBrad of India
(Landline telephone is ringing in a hall. Sound of radio and crockery being washed coming from kitchen. Occupant of house eventually comes through to answer phone.) Hello?....... Hello?....... Hello, who's there? Hello? Hello? Hello, is that... Hello? Hello, could I speak to Mr Harrison please? Er yes, that's me. Mr Ivan Harrison? Yes, I'm Mr Harrison. Good evening Mr...
Read full storyKatie Price And Alex Reid To Go On Wedding Tour
Katie Price and Alex Reid have announced that they have added extra dates and venues to their marriage vow renewals in order to accommodate the thousands of fans who want to see them 'get married.' It's thought that the couple recognised the earni...
Read full storyToday's Sarah Montague to star in new production of My Fair Lady
Andrew Lloyd Webber is to mount a new production of My Fair Lady after listening to the Today programme. His spokesman said that he was half asleep listening to the Radio Four programme when Ms. Montague used the word 'now' three times in one sen...
Read full storyEcuadorean saboteurs suspected in Louisiana oil spill
Louisiana - (Crude Mess): Wingnut chums of the Amazon Offence Coalition are the top suspects in the sabotage of the Cypress Pipe Line. The Chevron and BP joint venture has resulted in the spillage of an estimated 18,000 gallons of crude, near the...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Pamela Anderson Spotted Nightclubbing With Jesse James
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Pamela Anderson one of this years contestants on Dancing With The Stars was seen out partying at 2 am at the Club Guys & Dolls with none other than Sandra Bullock's strange estranged husband Jesse "PenisPunk" James. Anderson w...
Read full storyNetball Superleague News - Subo To Join Surrey Steamers
Superleague leaders, Surrey Steamers lost by 18 goals to a much-improved Northern Reflections, who produced some neat passages of play to surge ahead to a 54-36 lead by the end of the first quarter. During the rest of the game, both sides played p...
Read full storyThe man who gave us Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious is dead, RIP!
Malcolm McClaren didn't do a lot, owned a sex shop with outrageous and overrated designer, Vivienne Westwood, tapped into the NY street dance scene, managed a couple of peripherial bands and that was about it: Apart from one mercurial, genial proj...
Read full storyLook out Harry, ouch bet that hurt smiles Wills
Our next Queen in waiting, the Duchess of Cornwall or Camilla to her chums is reported to have broken a leg. An eye witness said, "No, her ladyship, oh whatever, had not been kicking servants, badly behaved horses or corgis. They fed all the corgi...
Read full storyDavid Cameron In Secret Fling With Jordan (Real-Name Katie Price)
PM candidate, David Cameron, has been caught up in a sensational rumour, detailing news of him and glamour model Jordan, romping "for months." The outlandish claims, made by a party insider, have rocked the Conservative party, lead by Cameron, in...
Read full storyNetanyahu heckled by Yahoos
Benjamin Netanyahu was heckled by a rowdy bunch of YaHoos today in a speech he was giving at a press conference dealing with the subject of the creation of a separate Palestinian state. The-Yahoos where protesting the speech and said it smelt lik...
Read full storyQueer Bird Saves Money and Highways
At a small limestone quarry in Lee County, Alabama, there is a new digger that may change the face of mining stone, and the paving of roads forever. John Johnson is the foreman of the dig and with the help of the improved extraction method; his sm...
Read full storyTiger Woods Scores 71 at Masters
Following alleged reports of a sexual tryst with the young daughter of a Florida neighbor, and trying to dispel rumors that he has shifted his tastes to much younger women, Tiger Woods reportedly notched a win with Ms. Gertrude Bennington, 71, of Aug...
Read full storyOAP with a Glaswegian accent invades pitch at Old Trafford last night in an attempt to stop the inevitable!
Late on in the Champions league game between Man U and Bayern Munich a ranting OAP burst through security and was seen stamping his feet, swearing in his best Glaswegian and gesticulating at the referee and his watch. He run up and down the touch...
Read full storyFrom Augusta: Predator Drone CrotchFire Missile Takes Down Tiger Ho
BULLETIN: This morning a MQ-1 Predator deployed from Robins Air Force Base unleashed a rubber-tipped CrotchFire Missile, taking out porn star, Juggsy Jimes, who was rapelling down from a helicopter just before Tiger Woods teed off this morning. A...
Read full storyDawn French and Lenny Henry To Appear On Coronation Street
LONDON - Reginald Billingshurst, the director of Coronation Street has announced that Dawn French and her as-of-now-still husband Lenny Henry have both agreed to star in an episode of the popular British series. Billingshurst said that Henry and F...
Read full storyBrown backs up to the Queen
On the doors being thrown open for him to enter for his audience with the Queen, equerries were surprised when the Prime Minister turned round and walked in backwards. Number ten later confirmed that he had confused his recollection of Tony Blair...
Read full storyWatch Your Step Camilla Told
Scotland - (Arse Over Tit Mess): A harmless bit of legover fun has seen Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, plastered all the way up to her left kneecap following a tumble in the Birkhall rutting shed. The 69 year-old apparently fell off the wagon two d...
Read full storyCoke endorses David Cameron in Election; Cameron returns the favor
Speaking at a rehab clinic in Amsterdam today the right honorable David Cameron accepted the sponsorship of beverage giant Coca Cola for his upcoming bid to unseat Gordon Brown as Prime Minister of the UK. The scheme was in direct response to Bro...
Read full storyDuchess Of Cornwall Breaks Leg
It's just been announced that the Duchess of Cornwall has broken her left leg whilst hill-walking in Scotland. Critics have slammed hill-walking as an extremely dangerous pursuit with hazards such as rabbit holes and cow-pats making broken legs a com...
Read full storyPeter Kay Says Liam Gallagher Couldn't Punch His Way Out Of A Wet Paper Bag
Bolton funnyman Peter Kay today shrugged off a barrage of insults and threats directed at him by Manchester City supporting "knob-head" who should know better at his age - Liam Gallagher. The ex-Oasis frontman has been running his gob off again, h...
Read full storyObama and Czar Putin sign Historic Arms Reduction Treaty in Prague
President Obama and Russian Czar Putin agreed to reduce their stockpiles of nuclear weapons to 1500 thus assuring the world it can only be destroyed 50 times as opposed to the previous 100. Putin posed shirtless for the signing though wearing his...
Read full storyHarriet Harman Flavour Crisps to be launched
A well known Crisp manufacturer from Leicester plans to launch a new range of Politically Flavoured Salty Snacks to poke fun at those that seek re-election! The first flavour to be launched will be "Harriet Harman" flavour Dorito's! Our reporte...
Read full storyZac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens To Film Mr. and Mrs. Billy The Kid on Robert Pattinson's Texas Ranch
LAREDO, Texas - The Candlelight Motion Picture Company in association with Chula Vista Pictures has just announced that their western The True Untold Story of Mr. And Mrs. Billy The Kid will be filmed on location on Robert Pattinson's El Rancho De La...
Read full storyCheryl Cole And Katie Price Rescue 'Confused' Man On London Underground
Cheryl Cole out of Girls Aloud, and Katie Price, out of Jordan, leapt to the assistance of an 'alcoholically relaxed' man and considerately gave him directions how to get to Waterloo Station yesterday evening. The man, thought to be originally fro...
Read full storyDavid Cameron a shameless con artist says Sir Terrence Conartist
London - (Pot/Kettle/Black Mess): Britain's self-confessed top design conman Sir Terrence Conartist says he won't be backing the Tories' Oswald Mosley lookalike David Cameron 'because he's a massive fraud'. "Truss me," Sir Tel told reporters today...
Read full storyDigester's Reader: Granny's Lost Recipe Book
It had been left to collect dust in the attic since 1977, when Grandma Hortense passed away at age 98.6 from hyper-acute acne. And it probably would have remained there had not a family of rodents set up housekeeping in the old box next to it and began carrying out commando raids on the kitchen cupboard. In desperation, we had initially brought in some help in the form of a gang of feral, merce...
Read full storyDesperate Actress Nicollette Sheridan Pops Marc Cherry with Suit - Tigers Wood joins in the Fun
Former young, talented and sexy actress Nicollette Sheridan has filed suit against producer Marc Cherry for abuse and appalling action. At first we thought it was for her demeaning role in Desperate Housewives but an altercation and her subsequen...
Read full storyCameron Goes For The Ginger Vote - Undecided On Gays
David Cameron feels that he can attain a much coveted overall majority in the forthcoming election by targeting the ginger vote. Although no hard data is currently available on the number of ginger voters in the UK, it is generally believed that t...
Read full storyKyrgyzstan Closes U.S. Military Access to Strategic Base
While in the midst of political and social unrest after the country's recent coup, Roza Otunbayeva, interim leader of Kyrgyzstan, changed her mind early this morning and announced the closing of access to their strategic air base to all U.S. military...
Read full storyCoulter Confuses IED and IUD "Fire in the Hole" Cries RNC's Steele
An explosion rocked a California resort hotel last night where hundreds of conservative activists were meeting. As hotel personnel and hotel guests rushed to a room on the fifteenth floor, Michael Steel, Chairman of the RNC cried out as he threw open...
Read full storyBenefits of Smoking Revealed in New Study
A new study released to the press yesterday, claims that a number of financial and lifestyle benefits can be attained through the regular daily use of tobacco products. Unveiled by the Southern Heuristic Institute of Tobacco, in conjunction with...
Read full storySupreme Court to Hear Madoff Appeal: Cites Government & Union Pyramid Schemes as Model for His Empire:"They Showed Me How!"
Attorneys for Bernard Madoff, the stock broker currently doing 150 years for running a giant Ponzi scheme, say they are ready to present his case on appeal to the Supreme Court early in June, one year to the day after he was sentenced. Madoff was...
Read full storyCameron unveils National Citizen Service (NACIS) plan
UK readers will recall the yoppers, the young unemployed being put to work, on low wages. Now, the Conservatives are bringing it back under the guise of the National Citizen Service (NACIS). The catch this time, they don't get paid, it's "voluntary".
Read full storySun tabloid plumbs new depths of indecency
The Sun newspaper came under fire from decency campaigners last night after abandoning its family principles and publishing a pair of tits on the front page. Since 1970, the tits have always appeared on page three except in circumstances when a hu...
Read full storyFree Thinkers support the Venus Project
Free Thinkers of the World support the Venus project as the best solution for mankind. We must get rid of Corrupt Governments, Politicians, Warmongers, and build a better future for all. In the UK at present you can witness their corrupt so called...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart like Biffy the Vampire Slayer
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have today admitted that they are big fans of Scottish Rock Band, Biffy Clyro and there is a good chance that the band will be featured on the next Twilight track. Twilight author Stephanie Meyer has used the mu...
Read full storyLouis Walsh makes astonishing attack on Bruce Forsyth
Louis Walsh, the X Factor Judge, has made an astonishing attack on Bruce Foryth the veteran television entertainer. Walsh said "Bruce is finished in the entertainment industry, he is to old, he does no know anything about young people or modern en...
Read full storyMeasles Is Brain-washing Paranoid Parents Into Not Vaccinating Children!
The truth is out there and this intrepid reporter has found it whispering in her ear. My children's well check appointments are coming up, including the always painful vaccinations. But I am finding that little viruses and bacteria are telling me to not vaccinate, because it will cause Autism. I only noticed that they were whispering these scare tatics in my ear when I had a dream and they...
Read full storyThe Personification Of Stupidity
A question I ask myself undoubtedly hundreds if not thousands of times each day, is if a single person could personify everything that is stupidity, who would that person be? And today I'm glad to announce that an answer has been finally deduced. And the answer is you. The person I'm talking about knows who he is. With your shitty aesthetically retarded poetry and amazingly terrible pseudo int...
Read full storyThe abusing of the internet
When the internet became very popular and mostly used for porn, porn, porn, funny pictures, texts, videos, and more porn. It was the most amazing thing ever. Since at least 2000 or maybe even earlier, there has been an increase in original things like cat pictures, "Fail" things which showed someone messing up on something which looked pretty funny. It kept being funny until a point that it's...
Read full storyJesus Returns
Those of you who follow the Bible closely have I'm sure at one time or another spent a few idol moments wondering when the main character of your favourite book would return. Today it has been revealed that Jesus is at last, once again, amongst us...
Read full storyRadio 5 Sport to broadcast in 3D
The director of Radio 5 Sport, Ezra Pocketcash, announced today that effective immediately, the radio station is to begin broadcasting football matches in 3-D. This new service has been brought forward in time for the world cup, where a lot of te...
Read full storyPattinson told to "Bulk Up" for Breaking Dawn
Robert Pattinson currently filming the Movie, Bel Ami, in London, has been told to "bulk up" for the latest Twilight Movie Breaking Dawn. Despite the fact that Pattinson is reported to be a big eater he is as skinny as a walking Pipe Cleaner. Whil...
Read full storyHow Chocolate Can Become a Lifesaver!
The average chunk of chocolate contains about 200 calories and because I might partake of two servings every night and is perhaps a few more at weekends it only adds up to 3,500 calories a week. That is the equivalent of one pound in weight per week. Therefore, in the last 3 1/2 years, I have had the calorific intake of about a hundred and eighty pounds and because I only weigh about one hundre...
Read full storyThe Biggest Liar
A new debate show, based on The Weakest Link, has been announced today. Called "The Biggest Liar", it is set to be televised in the run up to the general election. The Biggest Liar (dubbed BLiar) will be screened at tea time every weekday up to po...
Read full storyTiger Wood Films His First Commercial Since "GolfGate"
LOS ANGELES - Eldrick Tont Woods, aka Tiger Woods, aka "The Dick With Feet" was in town to film his first commercial since GolfGate first broke on Thanksgiving Day of last year. Woods who was dropped by no less than 17 advertisers and sponsors sai...
Read full storyIs Yogi Berra Headed to Dancing with the Stars?
Rumor has it that the 84-year-old sports legend, Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra, has been invited to compete on the next cycle of the hit TV show, Dancing with the Stars. But it's not a done deal. Sure he did say, "When you come to a fork in th...
Read full storyIt Looks Like A Little One For Alex Reid and Katie Price
LONDON - It appears that Alex Reid and Katie Price may be getting a visit from the stork, no not the skinny-butted Amy Winehouse - the bird with the feathers. The professional cage fighter, and part time cross-dresser and his glamour model - actre...
Read full storyTaylor Swift, Tila Tequila, and Brenda Song To Perform For The U.S. Combat Troops In Detroit
DETROIT - The USO has announced that Taylor Swift, Tila Tequila, and Brenda Song will be performing for the American combat troops stationed in Detroit. The mayor of Detroit Flondell McJefferson called up President Obama and personally thanked him...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly's Shocking Confession: "I Am A Pinhead"
Longtime viewers of the Fox News show "The O'Reilly Factor" were aghast when the host Bill O'Reilly started his opening monologue with the words "I have a confession to make." Then O'Reilly removed the top of his head, revealing an undersized sku...
Read full storyPelosi Stalker Claims Calls Were a Simple Mistake
A northern California man who was arrested for making threatening phone calls to the speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi, claims he was simply trying to order a Polish delicacy. Though the still unnamed man made several calls to Ms. Pelosi, using o...
Read full storySchwarzenegger Sees Handwriting on Wall; Tells Germany's Merkel "I'll BE BACK....SOON!"
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told the California state legislature today he's leaving now, rather than wait for the end of his term in November in order to cash in his more than 7 months earned vacation and sick pay before the check bounced.
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