DETROIT - The USO has announced that Taylor Swift, Tila Tequila, and Brenda Song will be performing for the American combat troops stationed in Detroit.
The mayor of Detroit Flondell McJefferson called up President Obama and personally thanked him for allowing the three singers to travel to Detroit and perform for the American soldiers that are stationed in one of the most dangerous spots in the entire world.
Taylor Swift who has performed for the U.S. troops in Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, and Wales was asked if she was afraid of performing for the troops in Detroit.
"Hell yeah!" The skinny little white girl replied. "When I sang in Iraq I was not afraid because I knew that the U.S. soldiers had everything under control. And I felt like that while in Iran and Pakistan as well. Wales? Not so much. But Detroit. Damn! I will certainly be wearing the bulletproof bra, the bulletproof blouse, and the bulletproof short shorts that the commander of the troops General Bogart V. Goodlocker of the 103 Airborne Division has offered me."
Tila Tequila was asked if she was looking forward to performing in Detroit. She smiled and said that after dealing with some of the meanest, vilest, vulgarest people on the Internet being in Detroit would be a welcome relief.
Brenda Song said that she did not want to go but changed her mind when the mayor of Detroit offered her a $1 million life insurance policy.
In non-related news. Tiger Woods spoke at a new conference in Orlando and said that he can hardly wait to start hitting it again. After the laughter died down, he blushed and said, "The golf ball...I meant the golf ball people."