Written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 8 April 2010

image for Pelosi Stalker Claims Calls Were a Simple Mistake
Nancy's Monster Potato and Onion Pierogis

A northern California man who was arrested for making threatening phone calls to the speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi, claims he was simply trying to order a Polish delicacy.

Though the still unnamed man made several calls to Ms. Pelosi, using obscene language and threatening to show up at her address unless his demands were satisfied, he claims to have been trying to place a jumbo order for potato and onion Pierogi. Showing the police a torn out page from the yellow pages with a phone number for "Nancy's Pierogi Shop", the man may have been transposing numbers while dialing.

"That might explain why instead of calling a California Polish restaurant, he got Washington and Ms. Pelosi instead", Says San Francisco Police Sergeant Willy Maykitt. When asked if the arrested man may have been afflicted with dyslexia, Maykitt replied, "It's more likely that after burning some premium medical marijuana, he got belligerent when his Pierogi order wasn't delivered. He may just be guilty of being stupid, but with the munchies of course."

Recorded comments from the calls included statements like, "Where's my pierogi, bitch", which Pelosi had interpreted to be a slightly vulgar request for her current location. Maykitt waxes poetic on the arrest summary, "Pierogi, Pelosi, whatever. The stoner is off the streets and Ms. Pelosi doesn't have to take any more to go orders. All is right with the world."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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