Schwarzenegger Sees Handwriting on Wall; Tells Germany's Merkel "I'll BE BACK....SOON!"

Funny story written by Morse

Thursday, 8 April 2010


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Arnold's Last Words to Wife and California: See Ya!

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told the California state legislature today he's leaving now, rather than wait for the end of his term in November in order to cash in his more than 7 months earned vacation and sick pay before the check bounced.

The former body builder, movie actor and conservative politician who was born in Austria is said to be ready to move back to Europe after a plea from German Chancellor Angela Merkel to help 'clean up this fucking Greasy (sic) EU mess," according to a spokesman who didn't want to be quoted due to the profanity and the fact he had 'a lot of Greek friends.'

Hamstrung for years by a wildly radical populace who continued to vote in outlandish propositions, Schwartzenegger said trying to bring reason to a state now $22B in debt, soon to be $40B by 2012, NOT counting an underfunded public workers pension system that needs an IMMEDIATE $320B (BILLION) injection of funds, and over $500B in the next five years, was like trying to keep a U-boat afloat with the conning tower hatch left open during a 'crash dive.'

California has a GDP of $1.8T (TRILLION) equal to Russia, Spain and Brazil but a debt eating up 37% of that and growing. In addition, the state has an unemployment rate of at least 12.5%.

California bond issues are now rated riskier than those in Thailand, Croatia, and Kazakhstan!

Governor Schwartzenegger indicated that he didn't think his wife, Maria Shriver, mother of his 4 grown children, would be returning to Germany with him. Close friends of the pair say things have grown chilly in Sacramento since Maria came out in support of Barack Obama in the presidential election, while Arnold was supporting John McCain.

Apparently things came to a head sometime last week after Maria refused to pay her health insurance premium despite the fact she was scheduled for another round of 'skin enhancement', even though she looked like she had just been discovered in yet another unearthed tomb in Egypt encased in Shrink-Wrap.

According to sources, she expected the government of California to pick up the tab, allegedly amounting to over $75,000 plus a private wing in a plush San Francisco facility often used by Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Maxine Waters, and Harry Waxman in the days when he was known as 'Harriet' Waxman.

Maria reportedly yelled, "I don't have to pay for any of THIS shit...we won...don't you F******g understand...THEY have to pay now!"

According to state sources Arnold will be leaving Los Angeles on a Lufthansa flight non stop to Hamburg early next week and is expected to take up his post as Ambassador to the European Union shortly after he stops by Paris in order to accept the surrender of France's President Nicolas Sarkozy, who is now said to be under 5' tall and shrinking.

Former Governor Jerry Brown and Linda Ronstadt said they will probably get married if he succeeds in being elected again in November and her comeback rap album reaches platinum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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