Susan Boyle takes taxi from Oslo to Brussels after ash closes airports
In the past few days, commercial flights over Northern Europe have been cancelled almost everywhere because of the threat to safety caused by volcanic ash blown by the north winds from Iceland. Travellers have got used to being stuck at airports...
Read full storyRonald Weinland gives reasons for the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland
Ronald Weinland, one of God's TRUE Prophets (according to Weinland) - the other one is Ron's wife - Yes there are ONLY two TRUE Prophets, has spoken out about the main reason why God caused the recent Volcanic eruption in Iceland. "God is angry wi...
Read full storyThought For The Day With Rabbi Leopold Bloom
Hello. of the grey sunken cunt of the world a woebegotten sundered. I am sorry. Hello. People often ask me what it is that keeps me happy. What is it, Rabbi, they say? You are always so cheerful. Is it your faith alone keeps you joyful? Why yes, I reply, my faith is my bedrock, of redrock, or sandstone. A dead rock, for a headstone. Heavy, sweet, wild perfume. Then the years, and the piss-st...
Read full storyThe 'Other' Election Debate
The televised debate between Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg may have grabbed all the news, but it wasn't the only election debate going on. Disgruntled with not being invited, Nick Griffin of the British National Party, Alex Salmond of...
Read full storyPope celebrates 83rd birthday with cake - and a pie in the face
THE VATICAN, ROME: Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his 83rd birthday here yesterday. After making a birthday wish he blew out most of the candles on his cake with some help from his fancy-frocked Cardinals, Bishops and other sycophantic Vatican minion...
Read full storyVolcanic Ash From Iceland Shuts Down London's Heathrow Airport: Even Flights To The South Pole Are Cancelled
LONDON - Sir Basil Nigel Cheesejoy, deputy director of all Heathrow flights, has stated that all flights originating from "Big H" are cancelled due to, as he so eloquently put it, "All of the damn, friggin, bloomin' ass blitherin', bloody blimey volc...
Read full storySupreme Court Rules In Limerick Form: Monica Lewinsky She Be No Ho
Breaking a long standing precedent, The United States Supreme Court has decided to issue the following ruling in the form of a limerick. Historically, this has been done only in Scotland back in the 12th Century, but now that the Court is relying...
Read full storyGeorge Washington beats the crap out of Presidents
The first human cloned DNA experiment was a success today when scientist from the institute of California cloned Ex.first president of the United States George Washington. After a week of assimilating to his new surroundings the Ex. President /...
Read full storyDown the Rabbit Hole, Part One (How the World Would Be Different if the Thirteen Colonies Had Lost Their War for Independence)
What if the Thirteen Colonies had been unsuccessful in their attempts (almost 250 years ago) to gain their independence from Mother England? How different would our world be today? Down the Rabbit Hole, Part One Sports "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Howard Cosell coming to you live from Redcoat Soldier Field in Chicago, New Liverpool. I'm joined by my good friend, Dandy Don...
Read full storyPixie Lott Devastated When Simon Cowell Dumped Her Last Year
LONDON - According to rumour and hearsay Pixie Lott was absolutely devastated when Simon Cowell dumped her last year. Lott apparently just laid in bed (by herself) for four solid days. She did not eat, drink, or even pee; except for once but she q...
Read full storyPeter Andre To Perform At The Royal Albert Hall With Susan Boyle and Sarah Harding
LONDON - Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions has just verified that Peter Andre will in fact be performing a concert together with Susan Boyle, aka SuBo; and Sarah Harding, aka The Hard One at The Royal Albert Hall. Andre has just finished record...
Read full storyThe only Tory in Scotland
The Tories planted Thatcher on Scotland in the 1980's. She hated the Scots and the Scots still detest her and any haw, haw, haw, high and mighty Tory in Scotland. That's why they only have one Member of Parliament from a Scottish constituency. Spa...
Read full storyBen Roethlisberger and the Letter 'R'
Despite what is nearly overwhelming evidence, it has now been decided that Pittsburgh Steelers QB, Ben Roethlisberger, will not be forced to face down the dreaded 'R' word. What's more, while he may well be guilty of 'R', his punishment will likely b...
Read full storyLeighton Meester Dating Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars
LOS ANGELES - The latest rumor circulating out of Tinsel Town is that electro pop diva Leighton Meester has been seen on several dates with Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars fame. Meester reportedly stated that her and Derek do happen to have...
Read full storyWas volcanic ash behind the Kaczynski air crash?
Krakow - (RIP Mess): World leaders are cancelling on what should have been the blingiest Global Piss Process funeral of the decade. Some 30 heads of state were due to fly in to Krakow on Sunday for President Kaczynski's funeral at the splendifero...
Read full storyA Well Known Tabloid Reveals Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are Related
LONDON - One of the world's leading supermarket tabloids, The International Inquirer has just revealed that popular celebs Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are actually related. In the May issue of The International Inquirer, an unnamed source...
Read full storyGitane ash continues to cloud Europe, grounding aircraft
Flights across much of the UK have been grounded for a second day as Gitane cigarette ash and second-hand smoke drifts across Europe, posing a potential threat to aircraft and more importantly, British tourism. Air traffic control body GNats said...
Read full storyO' Halloran: The Stamp of Death: Part 2
- WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS WANKING AND SEXUAL REFERENCES TO SEX AND SHIT- Read First Installment - Part 1 Part 2 Dangly McDaniels' House of Whores, Shady St. 2.58 AM. O' Halloran and Pip roll up to the curb and get out. "O' Halloran?" "Yeah?" "Why'd we roll instead of drive? We had a car after all? Seems kinda...retarded" "Thats just the way i roll, Baby". "O...K.
Read full storyLiverpool Put Up For Sale
Liverpool has been put up for sale. It is thought to be the first time that the UK Government has decided to sell an entire city. A buyer is hoped to be found before the end of the summer. The decision to sell Liverpool follows a severe economic c...
Read full storyFootball Club Offers Tickets To Stranded Passengers
A football club has offered tickets to passengers stranded at one of the UK's airports following the Icelandic volcano ash incident. Luton Town FC sent a delegation to the local airport when they heard about the dreadful situation. Legendary form...
Read full storyDerek Jeter knocks man out of coma
In some good news Yankee hitter Derek Jeter hit a grand slam home run last night against the Boston Red Sox. The ball was hit so far out of the park it reached a near by apartment complex crashing threw the buildings window miraculously hitting...
Read full storySurrey Sign W.G. Grace
Surrey County Cricket Club have announced that they have signed W.G. Grace for this season's Twenty20 competition. The former test ace is sure to bring in a large crowd and it will be interesting to see if he can recapture the form that once made him...
Read full storyTebbit on the rampage, Cameron on a hiding to nothing
The rottweiler has returned. Foaming at the mouth and spitting chicken feathers, Lord Tebbit of Toryland, rages at the lack lustre performance of his lapdog, Cameron in the debate of the three terrors. "Terrors," he screamed, "bloody timid Terrie...
Read full storyFunny man Danny Bhoy running for Parliament - says "I've had lots of experience..."
Word is that comic Danny Bhoy is running for Parliament in the upcoming UK elections. Contacted at a recent Comics Conference the funny man told this equally funny reporter that he believes he is ready to serve his country and what better way to do...
Read full storyI Survived A High School Show Choir, It Ain't Like "Glee" At All!
In my tempestuous youth during the early 1990's I decided that I wanted to join the exclusive, let's call it "TC" elite choir in my high school. The teacher, let's call her Mrs. Rather, said I needed to join the Show Choir, let's call it "SOS", first. I acquiesced to her request. Being a shy and tall girl, it was natural for me to be in the back row, and that is where I stayed. The more tale...
Read full storyShock: Hitler Found In Small English Village
Trepidation was palpable in a small village cafe this morning, when local resident Rufus Digby found what appeared to be Adolf Hitlers image in a blackberry muffin. "I could not believe it," cried Mr Digby, 65 of Upper Thatch, "I took a sip of my...
Read full storySarah Palin Put on 'NO-FLY' List for Inciting Terrorism
The campaign of erstwhile GOP presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, ran into an unexpected snag, Friday, when she was refused entry, on a flight from Baltimore to Pittsburg. "I don't get what the big deal is," said Palin, a lifetime member of the N...
Read full storyRussia Rescinds All Former Adoptions: Mel Gibson is Heartbroken
Megastar and producer Mel Gibson entered a crisis center in California today to deal with the grief of losing his Russian hottie Oksana Grigorieva. The action came from the Russian government announcing that all children adopted from the west must be...
Read full storyTea-Baggers Dumped In Boston Harbor!
No sooner had the Tea-Bagger rally against taxes started in Boston on Thursday, when a fleet of large helicopters flew over the gathering and dropped a gigantic net. A news organization is reporting that the effort was organized and paid for by a...
Read full storyIceland Ash Cloud Result of Huge Stoner Party
While the World Health Organization continues to manage the supposed ill effects of a volcanic ash cloud originating from Iceland, thousands of recreational drug users still on the Northern volcanic island are laughing at the havoc they know they cau...
Read full storyNew Chat Show to be hosted by Derek Acorah
Top celebrity psychic medium, Derek Acorah has been approached to host a new chat show. To stand out from the crowd, Acorah will not be interviewing the latest celebrities plugging new movies, new songs or new books. Instead he will be interviewin...
Read full storyGirl shot in the arse at takeaway buys the farm
A 16-year-old girl who was shot in the arse at a takeaway restaurant in east London has died. Agnes Sina-Inakoju-Umbimkalu-Agapangupo-Dikaloku-Winterbottom, was shot through the rear entrance of Hoxton Chicken and Pizza on in Hackney by two Spurs...
Read full storyRooney has reason to celebrate
"WAYNE ROONEY and Cesc Fabregas could join a very select band to lift the PFA Player of the Year award and the Young Player prize in the same season. Wayne Rooney is a strong favourite to win the senior award from his fellow pros. He was named on...
Read full storyAirports overcrowded due to Volcanic Ash Cloud
Airports across the country are reporting higher than average number of people arriving at their airports, not despite the ash cloud hanging over Europe, but because of it. With every flight in and out of UK airspace grounded due to the ash cloud...
Read full storyLiverpool F.C. Sold to Owners of Taco Bell
Following the recent announcement that the Liverpool Football Club was up for sale, American food conglomerate, Yum Brands, has reportedly stepped in with an attractive offer to assume full ownership. While team co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gill...
Read full storyObama to NASA: Translated into English
President Barack Obama on Thursday addressed a crowd of NASA employees about to discover unemployment for the first times in their lives. Some of these are actually second and third generation workers whose mothers and fathers, grandmothers and g...
Read full storyMassive Missouri meteor swoops over Truman presidential library
Independence, Missouri - (Portents): "Last time anything extraterrestrial like this happened was 8 May 1984, the centenary of Truman's birth," a presidential library intern said today. "A blinding white light swooped low over the ceremonial wreat...
Read full storyBirchers and Tea Partiers Protest Against Cal-el
John Birch Society and Tea Party leaders recently announced that they are planning a protest of D.C. Comics and TheSpoof.com to denounce Superman as an American symbol. John F. McManus sent the following letter to TheSpoof.com: Dear TheSpoof.com, You have a Commie Socialist Red working at your newspaper. Just look at his uniform. He wears a red cape that flaps in the wind like a Com...
Read full storyThere's two sides to every story
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 7 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you...
Read full storyBjork sings "Its Oh So Quiet" as Iceland brings UK Airports to complete Silence
Icelandic Singer-Songwriter Bjork, is to re-release her single "Its Oh So Quiet", after the Volcanic dust cloud, that has come from the eruption of the volcano in Iceland, has brought complete silence to UK Airports. Strangely the song written by...
Read full storyMeg Whitman's Plan: Turn California Red Ink to California Red, Inc.
SACRAMENTO, California - Meg Whitman, former eBuy CEO and candidate for Governor of California, says she wants to ruin the state "a little more like a business." Whitman, 53, who first registered to vote in 2002, is believed to be ruining on the R...
Read full storyPolish pilots "Saw it coming"
Cockpit voice recordings, released by authorities in Russia today, prove an unlucky guess caused last Saturday's crash which killed many senior Polish politicians. Prior to the crash, the sound of clinking glasses, singing and the telling of rude...
Read full storyVatican Approves Playchick Spread
Vatican press agent Father Gropesakid today announced unanimous vatican approval for Playchick's 2011 Easter Edition. The Holy See has ordered the first 10,000 copies to be shipped by Vatican's own subsidairy UPASS "United Paedophile Association of S...
Read full storyColeen Rooney leads fashion brigade at Aintree
Coleen Rooney scrubbed up well as she attended her 7th visit to Aintree's Ladies' Day, sporting a little black dress. Wayne wasn't at Aintree, probably at home nursing a sore foot and babysitting little Kai. Coleen seems to enjoy the limeligh...
Read full storyPope calls for 'penances' for priests who abused boys
It just doesn't seem right. OK, this writer is not a Catholic and maybe doesn't totally understand the word of 'penance'. It seems to me that when Catholics go to Confession they are given a 'penance' by the priest listening to their confession. If the pennance is completed then they are 'forgiven their sins'. Oh great! I want to be a Catholic....... Surely the Pope does NOT believe this...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart & Soul Transfer
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, are not just interested in vampires, they are fascinated with a case of possible soul transfer in Croatia. A 13 year old girl from the Croatian town of Knin, fell into a mysterious coma and later woke up spe...
Read full storyGoing...Going...Green: Hollywood Recycles Everything!
HOLLYWOOD - Pass the pipe, and pull the plug, cause it's reinvent the wheel time in Hollywood yet again. Which means, of course, that any optimistic thoughts that something new and reasonably original might soon be coming to the nearest multi-plex, should, for the next little few, be properly stowed. Or, at the very least, temporarily put in turnaround, until further notice. In other words,...
Read full storyJustices, 5-4 Reject Cartoon Character Spending Limits
Washington - Overruling two precedents about cartoon character's First Amendment rights, the bitterly divided Supreme Joke of a Court on Thursday ruled that the government may not interfere with the outright purchase of the next congress by cartoon c...
Read full storyCardinals' plot uncovered - Pope is 'sacrificial lamb'
The media world is in a frenzy after secret Vatican documents were discovered that appeared to show Pope Benedict XVI was chosen specifically to 'take the rap' for church excesses in recent decades. "Given Joseph Ratzinger's advanced age and his e...
Read full storyIcelandic Ash Claims First UK Victim
On Wednesday, the unpronounceable volcano Eyjafjallajoekull erupted for the first time in over two centuries. The last time it erupted it caused a mini-ice age in Europe that killed tens of thousands; and this time around, it is no less devastating,...
Read full storyMeow Meow ban comes into force in UK
A ban on caterwauling has come into force across the UK. Legislation placing the ghastly cat scream and other related noises in the Class B category alongside barking and dolphin clicking was rushed through Parliament. The government's noise pollu...
Read full storyDelinquent Astronauts Test Mission Control's Patience
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida - Continued delays in completing their daily chores prompted flight controllers to schedule an early bedtime for two troublemaking members of the space shuttle Discovery crew, who will not be allowed to stay up past 9 p.m. Fri...
Read full storyElin Nordegren Says That TigerBoy Is Toast!
DUBAI - Mrs. Eldrick Tont Woods, better known these days as Elin Nordegren was vacationing in Dubai, India when she was asked about the status of her marriage to Tiger "Dick With Feet" Woods. Nordegren grinned and stated that she has finally decid...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Adam Lambert Insures Crotch for $100 Million
Los Angeles, CA - A top London insurers. perhaps best known for its unusual insurance policies on various body parts of the rich and famous, including Tina Turner's legs, Celine Dion's vocal chords, and burlesque stripper, Tempest Storm's breasts, ha...
Read full storyLarry King, 76, Files For Divorce From Wife #8 On Grounds of Irreconcilable Wrinkles
BEVERLY HILLS - Larry King, the 76-year-old host of CNN's Live With Larry King has just announced that he has filed for divorce from his eighth wife Shawn Southwick King. King, joked that he was giving that other King from England, Henry VIII, a b...
Read full storyFox News Best at Dumbing Down America
Results of a preliminary study conducted by the Institute for the Dumbing Down of America (IDDA), Fox News Group has come out way ahead of any other television network news provider as having phenomenal success in creating misinformed, less intellige...
Read full storyWhales peace plan set to sink or swim
A proposal aimed at bridging the split between whales and sharks will almost certainly come to King Neptune for a decision this year. Sources say it could involve sharks accepting quotas below current levels; but Iceland is opposing proposed catch...
Read full storyWinnie the Pooh Exhausted by iPad Service
When iPad users learned they'd be getting a free copy on the iPad of the Winnie the Pooh book by AA Milne, they were very excited. Their response was "Aw . . . isn't that cute?" But that's not the response of the Pooh. Spoof reporter Gail Farr...
Read full storyPixie Lott And Pete Doherty To Form The Brand New Clean Libertines
LONDON - Pete Doherty, one of the original members of The Libertines and later The Babyshambles has just announced that he and Pixie Lott will be regrouping The Libertines under the new name The Brand New Clean Libertines. The 31-year-old Doherty...
Read full storyFamous Lesbian Couple Splits: Rock and Roller Melissa Etheridge Dumped By Wife Tammy Etheridge
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Well it appears that the nine year marriage between rock and roller Melissa Etheridge and her wife, housewife Tammy has hit the rock and roll rocks. Tammy 35, revealed that it got to the point where Melissa 48, had just become ins...
Read full storyRachel Weisz Puts Fingers on Location in Jackie O Film
Rachel Weisz is adamant in her efforts to put the O in her current film about Jackie Kennedy with a masturbation scene director Sam Pudcuffer calls demented. The specific scene is during the Cuban missile crisis when it appears the world is going...
Read full storyUS District Atheist Barbara Crabby says Prayer Day Unconstitutional
Devout Athiest and known feminazi Judge Barbara Crabby has declared that Prayer Day is unconstitutional since it violates the Constitution's instruction of separation of Church and State. Prayer Day has been recognized on the first Thursday of Ma...
Read full storyAl Gore suing Obama administration
In a shocking break from party lines Vice president and Nobel peace-prize winner Al gore is suing the Obama administration for "gross negligence" over environmental issues. He stated that the planet is running out of trees for paper needed to supp...
Read full storyEurovision Debate Contest First Round
ITV aired the first round of the Eurovision Debate Contest from Manchester tonight. Families crowded round their TV sets and groups of friends organised Eurovision parties where it is the custom to wee yourself after a night of drinking cheap vino...
Read full storyPolice Follow up on a Missing Person in the Averted Natural Gas Explosion
San Francisco CA: Police officers were once again called to a parking garage in the 2700 block of Lombard Street in the early morning hours of April 13, 2010. The parking garage manager had called 911 saying "his parking lot attendant was missing."...
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