A Well Known Tabloid Reveals Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are Related

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 16 April 2010


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The mobile home (trailer) that Robert Pattinson lived in as a young boy.

LONDON - One of the world's leading supermarket tabloids, The International Inquirer has just revealed that popular celebs Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are actually related.

In the May issue of The International Inquirer, an unnamed source states that he went to kindergarten with Pattinson back in 1992.

Cavendish Attenborough stated that he recalls Pattinson attending The Mrs. Winston Churchill Kindergarten on Robin Hood Road in Wembley.

Attenborough said that little 5-year-old Robby used to wear his hair like big nosed Beatle Ringo Starr and as a result all of his fellow students, teachers, and custodians called him 'Big Nose.'

Twenty-three-year-old Attenborough also recalls seeing Pattinson's 2-year-old cousin Kristina Pattinson at the school when Rob's mother would pick him up.

Little Kristen soon went to live with a maiden aunt named Hermionie Stewart, who ended up adopting little Kristina and paying £20 [$30.85 U.S.] to have her name legally changed from Kristina Pattinson to Kristen Stewart.

It was not until 18 years later, after both became adults and went into the movie business, that they realized that they were actually first cousins.

Pattinson and Stewart admitted to signing a pact that they would never reveal that they were cousins so that fans would not ask the obvious question, "Hey is y'all from Arkansas or what?"

In other news. The Petaluma Piñata Company of California has just announced that their Jesse James piñata has just surpassed their Tiger Woods piñata in sales.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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