Girl shot in the arse at takeaway buys the farm

Funny story written by Coops

Friday, 16 April 2010

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Two black people in Hackney, yesterday

A 16-year-old girl who was shot in the arse at a takeaway restaurant in east London has died.

Agnes Sina-Inakoju-Umbimkalu-Agapangupo-Dikaloku-Winterbottom, was shot through the rear entrance of Hoxton Chicken and Pizza on in Hackney by two Spurs fans on Wednesday night. She was taken to a local chemist for a plaster, but died on Friday morning, police said.

Detectives said it was too early in the investigation to say if the shooting was gang-related, but added because everybody involved was black, it probably was. Nobody has been arrested.

Det Ch Insp Barney McMudflap, leading the investigation, said: "At this early stage, we believe two ni...men approached the premises on stolen mountain bikes.

"One fired a shot through the window, hitting the victim in the left buttock, who was inside the premises with friends."

He added: "There is nothing to indicate Agnes was part of any gang at this time, though she probably is because she is black.

"It is highly likely she wasn't the intended target, but mistaken for a piece of curried goat or jerk chicken".

He said the suspects were described as black youths, aged between 14 and 18 and wore dark clothing, probably black.

The shooting is being dealt with by detectives from the force's Operation CatchItByItsToe - the unit which investigates serious crime in the capital's black community.

A post-mortem examination will be held in due course, but it's fully expected to confirm initial fears...that Agnes is in fact dead.

I phoned for an update, but was refused connection as I hadn't paid my Orange bill.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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