Ben Roethlisberger and the Letter 'R'

Written by Frank Michaels

Friday, 16 April 2010

image for Ben Roethlisberger and the Letter 'R'
Coming soon for Roethlisberger: The letter 'P'?

Despite what is nearly overwhelming evidence, it has now been decided that Pittsburgh Steelers QB, Ben Roethlisberger, will not be forced to face down the dreaded 'R' word. What's more, while he may well be guilty of 'R', his punishment will likely be far less severe than that of another NFL QB, Michael Vick, who was merely busted for dog fighting.

At a Friday gathering of sports media reporters, most of whom also determine each year's BCS Bowl game match-ups, a vote was held on whether Big Ben would have to suffer a potential sudden death close to his NFL career.

For those who are not familiar with the accusations, Andrea McNulty, a casino employee from Las Vegas, has sued Roethlisberger in civil court for 'sexual assault', not 'R'.

As for the incident involving a young Georgia woman from Milledgeville, there appears that there will be no case at all, much less one charging him with 'R'.

While all the attending chose to remain anonymous, a few of the media types did agree to share their thoughts on this historic ballot. "Did Ben actually 'R' Andrea McNulty? Did he then 'R' the college coed in Milledgeville? What does it matter as long as no one is even saying it was 'R'?"

And just as this report was going to press, news of a possible third incident is surfacing, related to Big Ben's Reynolds Plantation home. But so far there is very little being said in relation to it and certainly, no mention of 'R'.

In closing, one sports writer offered this, "Ben could have 'R'd' an old nun on a church alter, but as long as he can manage to keep that gal from screaming 'R' out loud in public, he's in good shape for the 2010 NFL season."


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more