Krakow - (RIP Mess): World leaders are cancelling on what should have been the blingiest Global Piss Process funeral of the decade.
Some 30 heads of state were due to fly in to Krakow on Sunday for President Kaczynski's funeral at the splendiferous Wawel Cathedral.
But virulent outpourings of Iceland's volcanic ash continue to play havoc with expensive hair-dos and botox jobs, precluding any air travel through the thickly peppered northern European hairspace.
In Smolensk Russian air traffic investigators are close to proving Saturday's Tupolev Tu-114 air disaster was caused by particles from the Eyjafjallajokull glacier eruption.
This began spewing its stuff in the early hours on Monday but whaddahell!
Atom-sized scraps of lava have been found in the plane wreckage, suggesting absolutely nothing.
At the White House US national security advisers are saying 'No Way Are You Flying Via China Instead Mr President' as the forthcoming funeral's star-rating appeal continues to plummet.
And in England Charles and Camilla are forced to withdraw from Sunday's requiem cringefest after the RAF abandoned attempts to dig out an aircraft of the Queen's Fright er..Flight! currently two feet deep in volcanic soot.
The next QueasyJet flight out of Bognor Regis is on Wednesday 23 June.