Pixie Lott Devastated When Simon Cowell Dumped Her Last Year

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 16 April 2010

image for Pixie Lott Devastated When Simon Cowell Dumped Her Last Year
Pixie Lott shown in her bathtub shaving her legs. (Photo courtesy of David Frost).

LONDON - According to rumour and hearsay Pixie Lott was absolutely devastated when Simon Cowell dumped her last year.

Lott apparently just laid in bed (by herself) for four solid days. She did not eat, drink, or even pee; except for once but she quickly got up and cleaned up the mess.

When Pixie was dating Simon, friends say it was as if nothing else existed, no stars, no moon, no Buckingham Palace, and no Strictly Come Dancing.

She finally decided to get up out of bed when she felt a bowel movement coming on. Apparently she felt it was really weird because all she ate for four days was three red M&M's, a grape, two corn chips, and five grains of Mrs. Morton's salt.

The attractive doe-eyed and doe-legged native of Brentwood Essex finally realized that her relationship with Simon was over when she saw him grabbing fellow American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi's tata's on live television.

Apparently, it was at that very moment that she realized just exactly how much older "Simple Simon" really was.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The number is 30! ]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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