Liverpool F.C. Sold to Owners of Taco Bell

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 16 April 2010


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Following the recent announcement that the Liverpool Football Club was up for sale, American food conglomerate, Yum Brands, has reportedly stepped in with an attractive offer to assume full ownership.

While team co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett Jr. have been looking to get out from under the operating burden of the British football team, Yum Brands see team ownership as a huge opportunity to sell their flagship products. Yummy spokeswoman, Ivanna Beamoyst tells reporters, "We see Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and Kentucky fried Chicken stands throughout the stadium". Concessions along with increased ticket prices are expected to make this a sweet deal for Yum and for Liverpool.

Liverpool and Manchester residents don't necessarily agree. "What does an American burrito manufacturer know about European Football", asks Filbert Fernidge, fry cook at Sam's Chop House on Piccadilly. "I mean, even their Burrito Supreme is a bit of a marketing oxymoron, eh?"
Greater Manchester Police Department Sergeant, Alan Quartermane believes the food concession switch may actually be good for crowd control. "I know after a burrito or two, and some pizza, I'm ready for a nap", says Quartermane. "And if the lads in the stands do manage to start a ruckus, it's hard to injure someone with a slice of pizza or a taco."

Yum Brands has not announced who might be managing the franchise after the purchase, but hinted at a team name, and jersey logo change. "We see them as another advertising canvass for our brands", says Beamoyst. "The new jersey will look like a big slice of pepperoni pizza while the name will change to the Liverpool Taquitos. That sounds just too cute, doesn't it?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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