The Pope has recorded a Christmas album and will be going on tour to promote it. Vehicle of choice? His Popemobile of course, decked out with tinsel garlands and candy canes.
His white beanie will be adorned with holly, and he'll wear a red-and-green sash with his white robe. His red shoes will be the perfect accessory.
Eavesdropping on the conversations of church spokesmen, it's evident that they are not concerned with the competition posed by other singers who've recorded Christmas music. Johnny Mathis? "Chances are his time has passed," they say. The Eagles? "The Pope can soar like them, maybe even higher," they confidently report. Elvis? "This year especially, who wants to hear about having a Blue Christmas?" they point out. Barbra Streisand? "She's so yesterday," they claim. Mariah Carey and Dolly Parton? "Puh-lease, have mercy," they plead.
Vatican planners will be asking some celebrities to accompany the Pontiff on his tour. Preparing a list of invitees is underway. Lady Gaga and Madonna are definitely excluded. So is Jon Gosselin. "That guy might bring along his eight kids," the Pope whined. Diversity in gender, color, and species (animal vs. human) is important. Word has leaked out that the following are top contenders for the valuable invitations to join the Pope's tour: Sarah Palin, the Rev. Al Sharpton, Santa Claus, and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. Stay tuned for further developments.