INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - GOP Political pundit, persistent pragmatist, and progesterone princess Ann Coulter has decided that she wants to jump on the nude celebrity magazine layout bandwagon.
Coulter in town visiting her paternal grandmother, 93-year-old Ava "Boosie" Coulter remarked that she has seen the recent magazine layouts of Sarah Palin, OctuMom, Kate Gosselin, Joan and Melissa Rivers, and Great Britain's Dannii Minogue and she also wants to show off her body to the men of America who never tire of seeing a woman with a fine-looking scrumptious body.
The never-married Coulter, is not ashamed to reveal that at the age of 47, she is probably one of the oldest virgins in the history of female virginity.
Ann, (which is pronounced AND)) said that she has been saving herself for almost five decades. She has repeatedly stated that she is saving herself for Mr. Right.
And when Ann is asked to describe Mr. Right, she smiles, brushes her long blonde hair and says that first of all he has to be a card-carrying Republican. He has to be tall since after all she stand 6 foot 3 in stocking feet.
And she adds that Mr. Right has to be white, extremely handsome, extremely rich, extremely intelligent, extremely white, extremely attentive to her every whim, and extremely white.
She went on to say that he must also be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
When told that the last 12 characteristics were actually all items in the Boy Scouts of American Scout Law, Ann simply smiled and said that she was not aware of that.
She then stated that she had actually made up those 12 points many years ago, probably before the Boy Scouts had come up with theirs.
Miss Coulter was told that the 12 Scout Laws were written and adopted back in 1910. She flipped her hair back and said that she did not think so because she is almost certain that she wrote them first sometime in early December of 1991, shortly after her 29th birthday.
Miss Coulter was asked what publications she had contacted about her desire to pose in the nude. She blushed and said that her first choice was PlayMale but she turned them down because they only offered to pay her $800.
Next she contacted PlayGuy, but they only offered her $400. PlayMister after seeing some photos of her in a bikini swimsuit told her that she would have to pay them $5,000 in order for her to be allowed to appear in their magazine.
Miss Coulter said that she is still waiting to hear from Great Britain's men's magazine PlayBloke.
So the way it stands right now. Ann Coulter is a woman who has a hoo-ha in search of a men's magazine.