Which Edward would? Edward Woodward! (1930 - 2009)

Funny story written by Trip Nasti

Tuesday, 17 November 2009


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image for Which Edward would? Edward Woodward! (1930 - 2009)
Some seats in a theatre

When I heard the tragic news that acting legend Edward Wooldward had sadly passed away a feeling of disbelief washed over me before the sad realisation struck me that we had lost another one of the greats. I was genuinely upset.

The world had lost David Callen the reluctant professional killer, Robert McCall otherwise known as the Equaliser, but most of all, the world has lost a gentleman actor and a fine human being.

Little is known of Edwards early life, he was born in 1930 during a production of The Vagina Monologues at the Sydney Opera House, Australia. Edwards mother was a pretty stage hand called Violet, his father, Edward, was a stage foot.

Growing up, Edward yearned to be an actor and got his first role as a velociraptor in a school production of Jurrasic Park whilst attending the Didgeridoo school for the bearded.

Edward knew that if he was going to make it as a serious professional actor he needed to get himself over to England.

After packing up his things and throwing them in to a small hired rowing boat, Edward kissed his parents goodbye and set off on the 12000 mile journey to the UK.

The crossing was perilous and fraught with danger.

After having to contend with mile high waves, hungry sea monsters and horny mermaids, Edward finally arrived in Southampton docks on the 20th of January 1946.

Once in the UK, Edward set about perusing his acting career with the single minded tenacity he was well known for.

Edwards first serious acting role was as Detective Scott Turner in the 1946 production of Turner and Hooch at the Castle Theatre, Farnham.

Between 1946 and 1972 Edward played a variety of roles in a variety of productions in a variety of locations:

1947-1949, Newton Crosby - Short Circuit - Devizes Corn exchange.

1951-1953, Josh Baskin - Big - Wareham globe theatre.

1953-1955, Trinity - The Matrix - Lulworth castle.

1956-1960, Ted - There's Something About Mary - Broadway.

1963-1968, Michael Kellam - 3 Men and a Baby - Swanage pier.

1970-1972, Moses Hightower - Police Acadamy - Newbury town theatre.

In 1973 however, Edward took the role of Sergeant Neil Howie in the thriller The Wicker Man. It is here that my and many of yours memories will begin of acting legend, entrepreneur,deep sea diver, part time taxi driver and all round fine gentleman, Edward Woodward.

The rest, as they say, is gold plated history.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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