Mariah Carey Releases New Christmas Album

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 17 November 2009


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Mariah Carey Christmas CD: Adults Only

Targeting the adult liberal music market, Mariah Carey is set to release a new modified collection of Christmas favorites, with adult themes and lyrics titled, "The Many Joys of Christmas".

Denying that this was another attempt to sell herself as a musical sex symbol despite old age and added hip tonnage, Carey's publicist Duey Panderall says, "No, of course not. Mariah is still one hot, sexy woman and her song list will sizzle the sound systems of any adult bedroom this Christmas.

Carrying a "Parental Advisory" warning label for explicit lyrics, Carey had to shift production and distribution to a more liberal record producer. Agreeing to take on any bad press and deal with distribution to challenging markets, Wet Tunnel Records will own exclusive distribution rights to Carey's new CD. "Everywhere except WallSmart", says WTR producer Mo Oistwall. "They don't dig the kind of sexual lyrics she's laying down."

Some of the new titles include twists on old favorites:

Oh Cum all Ye Faithful
Grandma Got Run Over by a Sybian
You're a Mean One, Mr. Vibrator
Deck My Walls
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Before We Do It Again
Here we Cum a Caroling
Blue Ball Christmas
I Saw Mommy Doing Santa Claus

In addition to the Christmas CD, Carey is offering her complete collection of CD's in a gift wrapped box set. Suggested retail: $69.69. Providing voice overs to the cable TV advertising on late night programming, Carey says; "Come and get my box".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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