The Bud Adams $250,000 Tennessee Titan Bird Flip

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

image for The Bud Adams $250,000 Tennessee Titan Bird Flip
Buffalo Bills fourth string rookie quarterback Wycliff "Pics" Legendfield warming up.

NASHVILLE - Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams is minus $250,000 after the NFL fined him for his childish bird flip during the Tennessee Titans - Buffalo Bills game.

The two handed finger shooting occured as Adams' Tennessee Titans were soundly trouncing the visiting Buffalo Bills 41 to 17.

Adams was up in his Davy Crockett Commemorative Luxury Box when he just stood up, put down his bottle of Chivas Regal, motioned towards the Buffalo Bills bench, and started his finger shooting.

The 86-year-old owner, who tells people he is really 83, went on for a full minute emptying both middle fingers before he finally sat down after becoming totally out of breath from his bird shooting.

Bubba Tryminski, a defensive tackle with the Bills said that when he saw the old gray-haired codger shooting the bird, he and Bill's linebacker Udell Folsom and left tackle Nathan Gammasett started to head up towards Adams' luxury box and have a little talk with the white trash honky (Tryminski's words).

Folsom said that Croatian place kicker Vukovario Zagreevich jumped in front of them and told them not to go up there because they would all end up getting fined, suspended, and may be even traded to the 1-8 Detroit Lions.

The three immediately stopped dead in their tracks.

Buffalo Bills assistant coach Chad Burgessino was told about what Adams had done and he instantly called the stadium security.

Security guards Tippy Pemberton and Tody Marcinko (two males) went up to Adams luxury suite and asked him if he had shot the bird at the Buffalo Bills bench.

Adams said that he is a 79-year-old man and why in the world would he do something as stupid as that. The security police apologized to Mr. Adams for bothering him and left.

When they returned to tell Tryminski, Folsom, and Gammasett that Adams said that he did not do it they started hollering and saying that just because the owner is white and all three of them are black is the reason why the security guards took the old white fellas side.

Marchinko informed the three players that Mr. Adams is his boss. Gammasett told Marchinko that he has a stupid, ass jerk for a boss then. Pemberton told Gammasett to take it back.

Gammasett told him that he wasn't taking back shit. Marchinko put his hand on his taser gun. Gammy, as his wife Bubbles calls him, said that if he dared to take that taser gun out of its holster, he would take it from him and turn it into the biggest suppository that the state of Tennessee has ever seen.

Marchinko slowly removed his hand from the taser gun. Just then Bills Coach Dick Jauron walked over and told his three players to pay attention to the game and to quit talking about tasers, and suppositories, and shit.

Jauron smiled as he thought about what he had said. He turned to his three players and remarked "And no pun intended bros."

Tryminski grinned and shot back, "No pun taken Dicky."

Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams reportedly told his wife Tara Scarlet Adams that he plans on seeking professional help for his bird flipping addiction.

TarScar, as her close friends call her, smiled and told her shit-for-brains husband if he can just imagine what they could have bought with a quarter of a million dollars.

Adams did not say a word.

His wife got in his face and shot him the 'pajaro' (bird). Both 'pajaros.'

In related news. The women's organization known as The Southern Gals of The Volunteer State are still hotly embroiled in a lawsuit against Titans owner Bud Adams over the team's name. The members of SGVS contend that the Tennesse team name (Titans) is extremely offensive to women because of the word 'Tit' which is found in the name. SGVS wants the name dropped.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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