Religious Leaders Concur: Former US VP Dick Cheney is Going to Hell

Funny story written by NickFun

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

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He smiles now but Dick Cheney is certain to suffer, according to everyone

In an unusual show of solidarity, religious leaders around the world representing Christian, Jewish, Muslim and even Buddhist faiths agreed that former US Vice President Dick Cheney is going to hell in his next lifetime.

The predictions of eternal damnation for Cheney came after revelations that he endorsed torture and murder on a grand scale and attempted to hide the CIA's involvement with the policy from Congress.

Though the definition of Hell varied among the religious leaders, they all expressed utmost confidence that the former second in command to disgraced former president George W Bush would burn in hell for eternity or, at the very least, suffer for countless eons.

Pope Benedict XVI said, "the former US Vice President is going to hell for eternity, according to God".

Jewish Rabbinical leaders agreed that Cheney is a meshugana, or crazy person. Rabbi Shlomo Schwartz said, "That Cheney is going to have to answer to God for his crimes. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes for the rest of eternity!"

Muslim leader Ayatollah Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani claimed that if Allah gets hold of Cheney, which he allegedly will do, then the former vice president will be hung upside down for eternity while those he killed or tortured slam nails into his feet and prod him with hot pokers.

Buddhist leader the Dalai Lama claimed that Cheney is not exempt from the law of cause and effect and will undoubtedly be forced to suffer "for countless eons" unless he repents and makes good in this life, something that is not expected to happen.

However, some U.S. republican Christian Evangelical preachers stated that Cheney was simply performing God's will and will be allowed access to Heaven.

The religious leaders also agreed that George W Bush and many members of his cabinet will be joining Cheney in hell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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