England Recall Geoff Boycott
Fresh from the England team's embarrassing humiliation by the West Indies on Saturday, the England cricket selectors have acted swiftly to supress criticism, and have recalled ancient treasure, Sir Geoffrey Boycott to the team for the Second Test mat...
Read full storySouthgate goes as well
Gareth Southgate, the Middlesborough manager, has been sacked with immediate effect. The news, announced late tonight, means that three Premiership managers have had the chop in the last 24 hours. Chelsea boss Phil Scolari was the biggest casualty...
Read full storyTravel in your area
Trains have slight delays in both directions, the roads are looking good except townbound where roadworks are causing holdups. There are no delays on tube lines (where appropriate) and buses running normally. All flights on time. More in half an hour. And now, Victor Lewis-Smith presents the comedy show "Colostomy bag and matching shoes" with subtitles.
Read full storyUnions Named In Lawsuit
Representatives of Felipe Calderon's government have filed suit in US federal court today, naming the United States' Labor Unions as defendants. According to papers filed, the Mexican government is charging the Labor Unions conspired to create the c...
Read full storyU.S. bank bailout to rely on Monopoly money, armed guards, assault weapons
Wall Street produced the global financial and economic crisis but it may take a beloved 75-year-old game to solve it. The Obama administration is preparing a revised bailout plan for the banking system, calling on Wall Street bankers and 'Fat Cat...
Read full storyPigeon Obesity reaches an all time high!
In 2001 approximately 0.5% of all common pigeons where obese, in 2009 the results show that 23.5% of pigeons are obese. Last week top naturist, David Attenborough visited the city of Bristol to investigate it's rarest artefacts of nature. He visit...
Read full storyWrong bush burning admits god
Could a simple miscommunication have led to the most severe bush fires in Australian history? With the death toll of hundreds rising rapidly it seemed that god had chosen to forsake the people of Australia, for what is still unclear. That is unti...
Read full storyBig Brother Winner Brian Dowling Come out Trumps in Charity episode of 'Egg Heads'
If you remember, in 2007 Brian Dowling, aged 22 scooped the title of Big Brother Champion. Girls wanted date him, Men wanted to be him, but all this didn't stop the hard press that surrounded him. Headlines such as: "Blair: I am cringing as the coun...
Read full storyUN: It's OK To Be Anti-Semitic... But Not Anti-Zionist
After many months of debate the UN has finally announced that it is acceptable to be openly antisemitic, but at the cost of being openly anti-Zionist. A poll showed the majority of voters were in favour of sacrificing the ability to insult Israel...
Read full storyAn Australian Genesis
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ's. He created night for going fishing, sleeping, and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Second Day, God created water for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach, and God saw that it was good. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast...
Read full storyWriting's on the Wall For Poo-etry Corner
A West London poet today unveiled his latest anthology, written entirely on the wall in a public lavatory in Ealing. Ed Ponse, a little known author, claimed to have been inspired to write the prose after a particularly lengthy visit to the loo l...
Read full storyClockwork powered smart car announced
At a time when the majority of car manufacturers are trying to work out how to shift the daily-growing stockpile of unsold cars as recession bites deeper leaving them to resort to crazy tactics in order to get rid of them such as cereal box token-col...
Read full storySarah Palin's Vagina Diagnosed with Down Syndrome
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's Press Secretary Meghan Stapleton has issued a press release which comes close to explaining the former Vice Presidential candidate's often puzzling comments and behavior. It seems Palin's vagina has been diagnosed wit...
Read full storyTrafalgar Square Flashmob Fails
A planned London Facebook FlashMob has failed. FlashMobs are where thousands of people spontaneously gather at a specific venue at a particular time after getting the details from their friends on a social networking site. The details are passe...
Read full storyGod coming back to Earth
In a startling revelation, 10 Downing Street has issued a statement that God is coming back to Earth on 3rd March this year. It has been reported that the British PM Gordon Brown received a fax regarding this development from God's Minister of Fa...
Read full storyMore Weather Warnings for the UK
Britain's weather continues to surprise and shock, with the Met Office tonight issuing further Severe Biblical Plague Warnings across the UK. Hard on the heels of the recent unprecedented blizzards and today's heavy rain, which has itself caused a...
Read full storyPolitical Poetry for Purging Pestering Pundit Pus
A collection of political poetry, useful for purging pestering pundit pus. CEOs The CEO's in money are swimmin' and bonuses are all the time winnin'. They drive their companies to the ground, then in order for them to rebound they ask for a hand out with a scheme that's well planned out and all the way to the bank they are grinnin'. Palin Poesy They called up the lass that was...
Read full storySpoof Writer Goes Mad - Writes Gibberish
A brilliant writer for the Internet humour website TheSpoof.com has gone mad, his insane rantings going unnoticed amidst the many faux-news articles on the site. "It took us a while to realize that he'd lost a nut. Actually, he was funnier that...
Read full storyOil Companies Abolish Countries - Set Up Own Dictatorships
Oil companies today in a bold and unexpected move gave up trying to hide just how much power and influence they truly had and abolished the countries where their oil wells were. Within a matter of hours they set up new totalitarian principalities tha...
Read full storyMany Chinese Living In Caves
Over twenty million Chinese have their residences in caves, but that is often not a bad deal, according to a December McClatchy Newspapers dispatch from Miaogou Village. In addition to the obvious advantages (no mortgages), some caves have been i...
Read full storyPitt And Jolie To Marry February 30th
Hollywood CA -- The date's been set and the cake's been ordered! Angie Pitt and Brad Jolie plan to tie the knot on February 30th! Brad finally popped the question after Angie squirted out their latest whelp. Everyone in Hollywood will be there. P...
Read full storyThe Man For Today - Mustapha Kamir
Who is Mustapha Kamir? That's the word on the lips of the world today, as Mr Kamir begins his new task - bringing peace to the Middle East. Although living in Cairo until today's shock appointment to the Obama Administration, Mustapha is actually...
Read full storyEcstacy v Horse Riding
Doctor Trevalian Numptee, chairman of the Advisory Board for the Classification of Drugs (ABCD), attempted to prove his point today concerning his suggestion that taking the drug ecstasy is no more dangerous than riding a horse. He rode an eighteen-...
Read full storyFiji vs Fuji war of words escalates
Things reached boiling point in the continuing war of words between two of the world's leading microelectronics companies yesterday. Japan's giant Fuji Electronics Corporation have issued a writ against Fiji Microelectronics Corporation for "delib...
Read full storyKinnear in frame for Chelsea job
Newcastle manager Joe Kinnear is on the Chelsea wish list to replace Luiz Felipe Scolari. Sky News reports the Newcastle manager's recent hospitalisation has been a cloak so he could start negotiations with Stamford Bridge. A Chelsea spokesman...
Read full storyWomen assualts man after badly told joke
A women assaulted a man in a pub after she over heard him telling a sexist joke to his surrounding friends in London pub. Florence Woodhall (age 39) leaped across the table of My Fathers Moustache, a small pub in Camden London, punching Steven Dow...
Read full storyWWF Issues New Endangered Species Appeal
The Worldwide Fund for Nature has started a new appeal on behalf of a species it says has now been recognised as among the world's most endangered. The Greater-Mouthed Premiership Manager, or Managerium Footballaris, is now so under pressure that...
Read full storyHow loving can a son be?
Dear Dad, Univer$ity life I$ really great and I'm beginning to enjoy it. Even though I'm making lot$ of new friend$, I $till find time to $tudy very hard. I already have $ome $tuff and I $imply can't think of anything el$e I need, $o if you like, you can ju$t $end me a $imple card a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on Morri$ His father replies: - Dear Morris, I kNOw th...
Read full storyIs this the unluckiest man in the world?
Is Mustapha Kamir of 23 Pyramid Terrace, Cairo the unluckiest man in the world? On the weekend, ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair postponed his ascendancy to Pontiff, electing instead to aid Gordon "one-eyed Scottish idiot" Brown and Barack Obama in th...
Read full storyWoman complains there's nothing on her TV
A woman from Arbroath, Mrs Betty McStupid, has today complained to the BBC's Watchdog programme that there's nothing on her TV. In a tersely written letter to the shows presenters, one of whom she thinks is a long-legged sexpot and the other a ple...
Read full storyIsraeli-Palestinian Politics . . . explained
Here is all you need to know about Israeli-Palestinian politics: What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup? An Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage. A German - carefully washes the copy, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee. A Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee. A Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee. A R...
Read full storySpamcycling
For years we've just thrown it away. But have you ever stopped to think what harm discarded Spam emails could be doing to the environment? Well a new initiative by the government has decided to address the problem. They claim that with 95% of e-...
Read full storyFriday the 13th: noxious comet on collision course with toxic ghost ship scrapyard
London - (X-Files Mess): A highly noxious comet replete with Zyklon-B isotopes is on a Friday 13th February collision course with the UK shipping scrapyard charged with scuttling the toxic French aircraft carrier Le Clemenceau. Comet Lulin had be...
Read full storyPentagon's Hummer Laser Gun 'targetting Mexican dope planes'
Tuscon, Arizona - (Sinsemilla Mess): The Pentagon has unveiled its latest high tech weapon against pesky Mexican dope fiends currently flooding California with psycho-grade Acapulco Gold cannabis strains. Giant Hummer-mounted laser guns capable of...
Read full storyTop DEMS Battle for Title of Who's The Scariest!
Washington,DC/ Pessimistic News - An epic battle is shaping up as the Democrats two top Demagogues battle it out for top billing in the Nation's Horror Show under the guise of "fresh new leadership and the promise of HOPE & CHANGE." Nobel peac...
Read full storyDeca-Mom Unveils Plan to Care for Children
Questioning her motives on the recent father-less births of ten children to accompany the previous breeding of octuplets, the world press descended on Nancy Stoopidly to ask some questions in basic math. Before turning to answer the hard questions...
Read full storyPlant, Krauss, Martin, Bush Winners At Grammys, Brown Biggest Loser
Robert Plant and Alison Krauss' were the big winners at last night's Grammys as Chris Brown appeared to be the biggest loser. The unorthodox partnership of Plant & Krauss yielded rich rewards on the special night, as the pair nabbed five award...
Read full storyDubai Going Broke! Proves There is Only One God, and It Ain't Allah!
Dubai/UAE Raggedy Ass Arab News - Despite claims to the contrary, Allah is not smiling on his children in Dubai. In addition to the recent revelation that the former playground of the rich and famous had turned into a running sewer with infidel s...
Read full storyInteractive Toys Selling Best
Among the best-selling and most controversial toys of this past holiday season were the $39.95 "Gotta Go" Doll, the $59.95 Baby Alive and the Lead-painted recalled "Dogs & Trees" all three because of their interactive features, especially their d...
Read full storyTechnological breakthrough - Thanks to Fiji
The recent world-wide spate of throwing ones shoe at a politician has worried security personnel from the halls of Whitehall to Tianeman Square and Capitol Hill. Whether protesting about the current state of affairs in Iraq, Tibet or Gaza, bunging...
Read full storyTony Adams Admits He Wasn't A Very Good Manager
Sacked Portsmouth manager Tony Adams has admitted in an interview that he knew he wasn't a very good manager, but feels he was left with little choice when former boss Harry Redknapp jumped ship to go to Tottenham Hotspur. Adams, 40, was speaking...
Read full storyFulham Shock - AJ's True Identity Revealed
Club officials at the Cottage were reeling today as the revelations about their striker Andy Johnson were sinking in. With the Film Awards ceremony season upon us, it was a member form the L.A. Galaxy press office who had inadvertently spilled the be...
Read full storyEducation News Issue 1 Volume 1: 21st December 2012 - Chinese school kids have had a reprieve
Instead of slaving in the classrooms from 6.30 am to 10.30 pm,the middle and high-school students are now having a much more healthy and productive kind of education. They are being taken in huge numbers out to the countryside, to learn how to becom...
Read full storyThe 22 All-Time Horror/Action Movie Flops
The Top Twenty-Two Horror/Action Movie Flops Of All Time, Pulled After Only One Showing! "The Hills Have The Mumps" "Raging Bowels "Norman Bates & Mother Double-Date" "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Cop" "A Hard Day's Diet...BRAINS!!" "Headless In Seattle" "Edgar Allan Poe's The Tentpole Master." "Mr. Hannibal's Neighborhood." "Night of the Living Daylights." "Attack of the Kill...
Read full storyGuttenberg Named as German Economics Minister
German Chancellor Angela Merkel has appointed Steve Guttenberg as her new Economics Minister today, following the resignation of former incumbent Michael Glos. The new role is a significant departure for Guttenberg, 51, who will step away from his...
Read full storyEnglish Grit Running Out?
In a startling admission by the FA, it has come to light that they believe that England is finally running out of grit. "Gone are the days when you'd see Stuart Pearce running around screaming in a manly manner come hell or high water at anything...
Read full storyBerlusconi admits to bizarre sexual habits
The Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has revealed on prime time TV that he has the most bizarre ritual when it comes to masturbating In an interview on Rai Uno, the septagenarian revealed more signs of the madness that is taking over his m...
Read full storyMore accurate than time itself
A new clock developed by the National Physics Laboratory is redefining time itself. The current most accurate clock is a Caesium Fountain Ion clock that is accurate to within a second every 400 million years, but physicists felt that they could do...
Read full storyBrown's Cow Tax Relief
Gordon Brown Today announced that the planned Bovine Release Tax Bill will be put on hold til both the financial and meteorological climates change. The Bill, which was expected to become Law on the 5th February this year, has been sh...
Read full storyFrench Fried At US - Take Back Statue Of Liberty
France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S. has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called them wusses for not helping out, French opinion of her...
Read full storyGay "Brigaydes" Rout Terrorist Opposition
Many modern thinkers have suggested that homophobia is a disabling problem not just for gays but for the homohaters themselves. As this theory has been applied to modern warfare, especially conflicts involving homophobic traditions like fundament...
Read full storyR&B's Chris Brown's Parole Officer Accepts Grammy in His Name
Rhythmn and blues star, Chris Brown was scheduled to perform at the awards ceremony and was nominated for a Grammy this year. When the envelope was opened and his mnmae was read as one of the night's big winners, the overvoice announced: "Accept...
Read full storyBritish Network to Air Sooty, Paki and Golliwog
A major British broadcaster has announced that it will be airing a new race based drama serial called Sooty, Paki and Golliwog. In a Masterpiece Theatre style format Carol Thatcher, recently unemployed race relations counselor and half-daughter o...
Read full storyWoody Allen to Release Vicki, Christina, Barcelona, Syphilis
Woody Allen is working on a sequel to his wildly popular sex pilgrimmage to Gaudi's cathedral: Vicki, Christina, Barcelona. Allen the great film author is rumored to have gotten the idea while recovery from a case of syphilis while on location in...
Read full storyJoe Torre Surprised A-Fraud Even Has Balls
When former Yankee manager Joe Torre read in the spoof.com that Madonna was describing Alex Rodriguez' testicles as pebble like, A-Rod's old skipper reported shock. "I worked with him on a daily basis and he never showed any evidence of having...
Read full storyCourt orders Madoff to Zimbabwe
Ponzi scheme master Bernard Madoff and his attorney have reached an agreement with the Federal District Court in Detroit today that deports the financial genius to Zimbabwe, Africa. Prosecutors and Madoff's attorney negotiated the plea agreement at a...
Read full storyBong maker latest sponsor to drop Phelps
Another company has decided to leave the Phelps business. Kakadu Bongs, Inc., a bong maker based in Nimbin, Australia, has decided to terminate its eight year contract with Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps only six months after the deal was signed.
Read full storyVaginas and peckers go virtual reality
Silicone vaginas and penises, part of a new virtual reality package offered by Microsoft Corporation makes its debut this weekend, and CEO Bill Gates, as usual, is behind the state of the art hardware and software for the game experience. Said to...
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