Court orders Madoff to Zimbabwe

Funny story written by freezer101

Monday, 9 February 2009

image for Court orders Madoff to Zimbabwe
Photo of Madoff upon learning he is going to Zimbabwe

Ponzi scheme master Bernard Madoff and his attorney have reached an agreement with the Federal District Court in Detroit today that deports the financial genius to Zimbabwe, Africa. Prosecutors and Madoff's attorney negotiated the plea agreement at a time when Zimbabwe's inflation is in speedy reverse.

The recent minting of a 100 trillion dollar bank note in Zimbabwe reflects the astronomical gains made in halting the engine of runaway inflation. America is riding shotgun with Zimbabwe as both economies appear to be genetic twins, but the United States has not yet issued a new bank note, yet. U.S. Senators are kicking around issuing a 1 million dollar note thought to buy a loaf of bread and a bottle of water to wash it down.

Madoff's presence there will both gratify and encourage Zimbabwe's economic turnaround because of the famous financier's marketing strategies, said to be both ephemeral and novel in their scope. Madoff's rags-to-riches story is the stuff of legends and heros.

When we spoke with Zimbabwe's 27th Deputy's Deputy to Deputy Minister of the Treasury and part-time water dowser, Itsa Frickin' Warmhere, he could not contain his jubilation at Madoff's emigration there. "He brings so much more to the table than just being the architect of a successful massive financial operation, oh no. He carries with him the ability to make people believe that he can pluck money from a cash tree he literally created from a seed. That my friend is what we need in Zimbabwe because we are having an awfully, how do you say, er ah, fuckin' hard time convincing our people that the economic disaster is over with. Plus, he'll only need about $2.13 American dollars to become Zimbabwe's richest man, a multi-trillionaire.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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