Written by Gael Force Clichy

Monday, 9 February 2009

In a startling admission by the FA, it has come to light that they believe that England is finally running out of grit.

"Gone are the days when you'd see Stuart Pearce running around screaming in a manly manner come hell or high water at anything that moved", said an FA spokesman, "Gone are the days when Terry Butcher would walk around with blood pouring from his manly, determined forehead. As for seeing Tony Adams stick his arm into the air (in a manly, butch and hard-nosed manner of course) whenever the opposition so much as breathed in his presence or got near his defence, you can forget it."

Such is the severity of the matter that the FA have all but given up hope, given the words of their spokesman as he carried on.

"Sure OK, we've got John Terry, he's an absolute wall of resilience and I suppose that you could say that no-one would dare get on the wrong side of Robbie Savage, he's as English as a Chicken Tikka Masala, but the fact remains that we've got absolutely nothing else. It's over man, just give it up."

"For example, look at Cole apparently, he's the best bloody left-back we've got. Apparently, the other option was some fella called Wayne, who's spent the best part of the last two and a half years being the first guy's back-up."

"Don't even get me flippin' started on the next guy I mean, what's up with that? The list is endless. I have no more examples."

It seems that, in their desperation, the FA is willing to consider importing grit from other countries, from across the Channel at France, all the way out to Tunisia.

"We've been looking at this for some time. About 5 years ago, we started the influx of foreign grit into our ranks, and sooner or later, we should have a good crop coming through."

"We got Manuel Almunia fairly early. In about six months or so, he should be ready for England. Believe me, you don't know how hard we had to work to keep his country of origin at bay. We managed to convince them that they already had some decent 'keepers. Ha! More fool them."

Crisis averted then folks, it seems that all is indeed OK. With the wrath of John Terry driving us on, and of course, the integration of foreign hardiness into our side, England will once again, rise to the top of English football.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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