'Ben & Jerry's' Announce Banana Split
Another blow was dealt to the global economy today when ice cream giants, Ben from Ben & Jerry's, and Jerry from Ben & Jerry's, announced that the company was to split following failure to negotiate mutually accepted terms. In a joint statem...
Read full storyWar declared on Jeremy Clarkson by SBIA
Following his description of the Prime Minister as a "one-eyed Scottish idiot", Jeremy Clarkson has had death threats, abusive phone calls, people spitting at him and even Sugarbabes and James Blunt CD's sent directly to his home. The Prime Minist...
Read full storySarah Palin Promotes Toilet Seat Law
Still feeling flush with power two months after losing the election, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is pressuring the Alaska legislature to pass a law requiring all male household members to put the toilet seat down after using. Since the invention o...
Read full storyLetters Z and S appear on Jonathan Dross show
The letters Z and S appeared on Friday's Jonathan Dross Show, to talk about their long-running and widely-publicised feud. Z was the first guest to appear, and after plugging his new book - 'It ain't Ezee being a Zed' - the letter angrily denounce...
Read full storySpecial Relationship is suspect
Middle America is not comfortable with a 'Special Relationship' with the United Kingdom, research has shown. When questioned, 89% of adults from the 'non-coastal' United States said that any relationship that was 'special' was suspect, and they want...
Read full storyBunch Of Stuck-Up Crybabies
An exceptionally cold winter always brings more instances of the annual tragedy of young boys who could not resist the age-old experiment to see what would happen if, in sub-zero temperatures, they tried to lick a metal pole. In fact, it happened...
Read full storyLink failures and update problems wreck TheSpoof! website
Writers for the popular 'The Spoof!' website were incensed today when following hours of hard work and commitment, their articles were allegedly being incorrectly displayed. One contributor was quoted as saying "My joke says it's published corre...
Read full storyEngland Cricket Team Replaced By Womens Side
The England cricket has been recalled by the ECB after their woeful display in the first test in the West Indies. The womens England team is been sent out the Caribbean to play in place of the male side. The England team lost the match by an inni...
Read full storyObama Removes Tax Deduction Status for Charitable Contributions to Christian Churches
New United States President Barack Hussein Obama, continuing with his promise of "change," has removed the tax deduction status of any charitable contributions made to Christian or Jewish churches. Donations made to a mosque or other non-profit orga...
Read full storyGerms "an urban myth" claim researchers
Researchers at the University of Lyef on the outskirts of Amsterdam in The Netherlands have published a paper in the New England Journal of Medicine contesting that the generally accepted Germ Theory of Disease is actually wrong. They suggest that...
Read full storyGovernment Praises Snow For Recession Distraction
Gordon Brown took time out of a Saturday morning Fifa '09 marathon today to publicly acknowledge the snow with regards to its work in making everyone forget about the recession. "We wish to thank the recent extended spat of extreme weather for i...
Read full storyUK People Do Not Understand Their Own Government
It is official, the general man (or woman) in the street does not understand the way that their own government is selected or run. One man, Arnold Lock, 58, of Gorton, Manchester was one such man (or woman in a bad wig) in the street, and was aske...
Read full storyClarkson Makes An Apology... Again!
Some say... He's as funny as Jonathon Ross on acid and that he was once an understudy for the Duke of Edinburgh and that he has six, yes six working brain-cells arranged in a V-formation - but we know him as Jeremy Clarkson. If his views on prosti...
Read full storyHull City Fans Horror At State Of Chelsea Toilets
There was widespread condemnation from Hull City fans at Stamford Bridge today, over what they described as the 'unhygienic state of toilet facilities' provided for away fans at Chelsea. Some fans claimed the toilets were "not fit for animals", an...
Read full storyDr. Octopus's Octuplets gives Spider-Man pause
New York, New York - In an exclusive with photojournalist, Peter Parker, high above the New York City skyline, Spider-Man sat down outside a window ledge on the 19th floor of a 30 story building for an interview for the Daily Bugle newspaper to talk...
Read full storyAdams : 'Back me or sack m...oh'
Tony Adams, whilst rehearsing his press conference after the impending defeat by Liverpool, was overheard saying 'back me or sack me' by Pompey Chief Executive Peter 'Twenty' Storrie - who promptly did sack Adams before he'd finished the sentence.
Read full storyObama Admits He Has Multiple Tattoos
New United States President Barack Hussein Obama admitted yesterday that he has multiple tattoes. "Body Art" is not original in the Oval Office to this President as many previous Presidents served in the military. Obama is the first, however, to ha...
Read full storyBanking Thriller Heads German Film Festival
The annual Berlin film festival opened Thursday with "The International," a thriller from German director Tom Tykwer centering on an Interpol agent's pursuit of a powerful bank's illicit activities. Two unknown actors, Ginny Mae and Freddie Mack,...
Read full storyUK Rail Companies Give Up, Wither and Die
All 25 UK Rail Franchises today jacked it in, after an unprecedented all-night meeting held in their headquarters, in an solid gold railwaycarriage in a siding just outside London's Kings Cross station. The following statement was nailed to the do...
Read full storyPresident Not Pleased With New Obama Edition of Mr. Potato Head
New United States President Barack Hussein Obama is not pleased with the New Deluxe Obama edition of the Mr. Potato Head doll. While there have been other toys and candy bars commemmorating famous world leaders, and they have generally been well rec...
Read full storyWest Berkshire Council : Bring on the Bacon!
West Berkshire Council today ran out of road salt for the roads around Newbury, and resorted to a novel solution - vehicles fitted with tyres made solely from bacon. 'The bacon ploughs have been designed to get through the toughest conditions,' sa...
Read full storySnow, Snow, Snow, Snow, Snow
Snow is continuing to cause problems across the UK. The country, already shivering massively under a blanket of snow, is braced for more snow to fall on top of the snow already there. 'Don't go anywhere in cars' said all police forces on Friday ni...
Read full storyHosepipe Ban from Friday
In the midst of the worst weather for twenty years, the Middle England Water Board has announced that from next Friday a hosepipe ban will come into effect. The ban will cover most of Southern England and will be applied retrospectively, so that any...
Read full storyBeckham returns to England Squad
Fabio Capello today named his England squad to face Spain in midweek. At a press conference held at the top of the Post Office Tower, he revealed the full squad to the assembled members of the press: 'Beckham.' Mr Capello then left the room, le...
Read full storyWolves - 'It's a new year, we must drop points'
Embattled Wolverhampton Wanderers manager Mick 'Mick' McCarthy today laid out his plans for the next few months in a press conference following the 2-1 defeat to local Midlands rivals Coventry City. 'My job here is to ensure Championship football,...
Read full storyNew add-on for Google Earth announced - Indoors:Live
Google announced today the release of their controversial new add-on to Google Earth, Google Indoors:Live. The new software interfaces with Windows, Mac and Linux operating systems to provide users with access to built-in and USB-connected webcams a...
Read full storyArnold Schwarzenegger aims for White House
Arnold Schwarzenegger has signalled his intent to be the man to replace Barack Obama as President of the United States in 2012. In an interview for the Guutenburgenschwartzhusten newspaper in Austria, he said that he wishes "to become the most pow...
Read full storyHusband Demands Return Of His Kidney
According to the New York Post, a Long Island doctor whose wife dumped him for her physical therapist after he gave her his kidney is suing the mother of four for the $1.75 million that he claims the organ is worth. "I saved her life and then to b...
Read full storyParis Hilton to have buttock transplant
The American heiress and socialite Paris Hilton is to have the world's first buttock transport. Paris who stars in many pornographic films is said to be undertaking the operation for professional reasons. The operation is likely to last around 6...
Read full storyThe Earth is a Donut
Once, we all believed the Earth was flat, and that sailing too far would result in us falling over the edge into space, or into the slavering jaws of a waiting kraken. In the sixteenth century, the Italian scientist, Galileo told an unbelieving w...
Read full storyYear of the Year 2009
In the hard-fought annual battle to decide the Year of the Year 2009, the final result has been universally welcomed. As most people are aware, the preliminary rounds of the contest were decided by the voting public when, over a six week period, the...
Read full storyThe Dallas Cowboys Cookbook Is Now On Sale
IRVING, Texas - The wives, girlfriends, and significant others of the Dallas Cowboys have compiled their favorite family recipes into a cookbook. The cookbook entitled, 'The Dallas Cowboys Gals' Favorite Family Recipes,' is now on sale at the foll...
Read full storyMr. Peanut Goes to Washington
Mr. Peanut had just arrived in Washington, D.C. driving his hybrid P-Nut-o-Mobile. He zoomed past The White House straight down Pennsylvania Avenue to Congress. He was scheduled to speak before the Congressional Finance Committee. While he was waiting in the wings, reporters, spotting the leguminous icon, dressed in top hat and walking cane, mobbed him. As Mr. Peanut gamely posed for photograph...
Read full storyManhattan madam snitches on Elliot Spitzer's 'S&M waterboarding' shenanigans
New York - (Sordid Ass Mess): A pathetic, sad-assed rough-end of the market shagger 'addicted to Anal (sic) Nitrate' and his own twist on S&M waterboarding. That's Manhattan madam Kristin Davis' insight into top former client Elliot Spitzer,...
Read full storyTen Top Vegetarian Meals
You thought this was going to be a vegetarian article didn't you? Well, in my opinion, all vegetarians should be shot. With a high calibre gun. So here's a carnivore's guide: 1 - Fillet steak with chips and salad. Cooked medium rare. Get out of that one then veggies. 2 - The humble bacon butty - allegedly the one thing that veggies miss the most. Lovely fresh bread, sizzling bacon.
Read full storyGreat Tylenol Epidemic Of 1982
Federal agents taking a second look at the murders of seven people who swallowed tainted Tylenol capsules in 1982 have searched the home of a one-time leading suspect in the still-unsolved case. "I was reading back through the files", stated Lt. D...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice faces angry crowds in Lebanon on Peace Treaty Convoy
Angry Pro-Hariri protesters were calling for her blood until they were dispersed by police using power sprays from local blood bank rations. Rice had been in Lebanon in a peace treaty convoy aimed at disarming Hezbollah and other middle eastern mu...
Read full storyHiding In Sheds Is Not Good Form
A man who hid in his ex- girlfriend's shed for ten days, before emerging, raping, and threatening to kill her was told by a High Court Judge yesterday that "hiding in sheds, drilling observation holes in the walls, and terrorising your ex-girlfriend...
Read full storyCat Eats Its Owner
Philadelphia PA-- A domesticated house cat ate her owner for dinner sometime last week. 'Ginger' is a 11 year old feline that became bored with eating canned cat food, so she ate her owner instead. Skeletal remains of a Mr. Fish, 98, were found in...
Read full storyRoss Kemp injured in Afghan 'Friendly fire' incident.
Former East Enders actor Ross Kemp has been injured in a friendly fire incident while filming another series of his front line documentary series 'Ross Kemp in Afghanistan'. Kamp, 44, had been shadowing a team from the rapid deployment Alpha Sec u...
Read full story"One-eyed, Scottish idiot" closes BBC forever
Gordon Brown is a man on the edge! Following Jeremy Clarkson's jibe in Australia, the Prime Minister is considering closing the BBC (Brown's Broadcasting Company) for good; because all it is showing are negative images of the Government - i.e. redund...
Read full storyIsland of St Helena to introduce a stimulus package
The ruling Government of the Island of St Helena will introduce a stimulus package in line with other suffering democratic governments such as USA and England When asked why it was necessary given the nominal population that lives there (2008 esti...
Read full storyFormer President G.W. Bush Receives Stimulus
"What happens in Washington stays in Washington" Barack Obama screeched when groups of American workers stampeded Capital Hill. Former President Bush received a stimulus check in the amount of 2.9 billion dollars. Apparently, he has lost several...
Read full storyJoe the Plumber in failed suicide bid
Ordinary hard working doctors in a good for honest ordinary little town in southern USA today confirmed that honest hard working Joe The Plumber is in their care after a failed suicide bid. Dr Gordon Honesty told ordinary hardworking honest folk t...
Read full storyHillary Clinton and David Milliband in Sex Orgy shame
Hillary Clinton and UK Foreign Minister David Milliband are at the centre of a sex orgy storm following their meeting last week. The meeting was the first by a member of Obama administration with a major overseas government. It was reported at th...
Read full storyActor Bale speaks out about ridiculous attempt at publicising his latest film
Film star Christian Bale has called an American radio station to apologise for a ridiculous attempt at publicising his latest film, Terminator Coma. He said 'I acted like an amateur publicist. I couldn't find anyone to be even vaguely interested i...
Read full storyGordon Brown apologises to Jeremy Clarkson
PM Gordon Brown today said he was sorry after calling TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson 'a tall annoying adolescent geek, with a mental age of 14', and 'someone who thinks cars are exciting, and hanging around lots of other adolescent male geeks is exciti...
Read full storyFrench planning UK invasion.
Following the attack by the French President Nicolas Sarkozy on the UK's economic policy there are growing fears that he actually has plans to invade Great Britain. The French who are still smarting from losing the battle of Waterloo are said to be m...
Read full storyFat people to be shot
The UK government has introduced a radical measure to stop the ever growing rate of obesity, all fat people are to be shot. The UK has the worse record in the world for obesity with actually 1 in 2 adults classed as either being overweight or obe...
Read full storyDepp, Fiennes sign for "Top-Cat" movie
Johnny Depp and Ralph Fiennes are the first two stars to sign up for a live-action remake of "Top-Cat", announces Crud Pictures from LA. Fiennes is expected to take the part of Officer Dibble, after Jack Nicholson dropped out due to illness. Other...
Read full storyG7; "Shoe throwing must stop"
At a meeting of Presidents and Prime Ministers today in the town of Arrecife in Lanzarote, world leaders promised to come down hard on shoe-throwing and the causes of shoe-throwing. Following the George Bush shoe incident, the Prime Minister Wen...
Read full storyGoogle Earth Discovers the EU is a Big Dick
Google Earth has enabled many onlookers to get googlely eyed about the earth. Giles Cocknbull used Google earth to watch his girlfriend Hortensia mow the lawn of her neighbor, Bull Meacham. Virtual hikes of the Grand canyon, make believe climbs of Ev...
Read full storyAlaskan Baby Seal Volunteers to Be Sarah Palin's Coat
Since losing her Republican financed wardrobe, sarah Palin as been named the most frequently naked governor. With the Alaskan winter in full bore the Governor has been scouting out some free or affordable clothing sources. That what brings us today t...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's "Bikini Girl" To Appear In Magazine
HOLLYWOOD, California - Katrina Darrell, better known as "Bikini Girl" was recently eliminated from the singing competition show American Idol. But Katrina, who is a sexy-looking 20-year-old California babe will soon be crying all the way to the b...
Read full story10 Ways To Please The Woman In Your Life - A Geezer's Guide
Just in case you guys were wondering, here are ten ways GUARANTEED to please your significant other. 1- Tell her she's gorgeous, even first thing in the morning when she looks like a puffy eyed war veteran. 2 - Tell her dinner was delicious, even if it was a heap of shit with gravy. Tell her it was lovely. 3 - When you're about to go out, tell her that she looks so ravishiing that you'd r...
Read full storyMichael Phelps Appears On The Bong Show
Michael Phelps has been suspended from competing in swimming events, kicked out by Kellogg and now Subway. Phelps was put on suspension by USA Swimming for 3 months. The sport's governing body also cut off its financial support to the 8 gold meda...
Read full storyParis Hilton Unearths Missing Super Bowl Rings
It seems Paris Hilton has solved a mystery that has puzzled American football fans for months. Initially it was reported that the New York Giants' Super Bowl Rings were stolen in a heist. It now appears that story was an elaborate cover up. Info...
Read full storyKeep this House Safe from Grandmother's Meatloaf
An open letter to my Grandson: Dear Grandson, now that you are an older person and a lot wiser, your Grandfather has something to tell you about that gray haired Grandmotherly lady feeding you strained prunes. Do not believe her outwardly gentle appearance, as she is actually a sadomasochistic person who has inflicted cruel and unusual punishment on her own children. It is still going on to t...
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