An exceptionally cold winter always brings more instances of the annual tragedy of young boys who could not resist the age-old experiment to see what would happen if, in sub-zero temperatures, they tried to lick a metal pole.
In fact, it happened on successive days: a 10-year-old in Hammond, Ind., on Jan. 14 and a 6-year-old in Omaha, Neb., on the 15th.
Both episodes ended badly with traces of the boys' tongues left on the poles, pieces of their self-confidence left shattered on the ground.
"It's kind of like seeing those "Do Not Touch" messages on a wet paint sign, only a lot worse", stated one paramedic. "For some reason you just can't resist feeling the paint."
Even worse, in Hibbing a group of boys gave an apparent nerd a wedgie then pulled his pants down and stuck his penis to a flagpole.
"I'm sure it'll have lasting affects", stated Todd Zimmerman of the Hibbing Fire Department. "It's a good thing he wasn't Jewish and had the skin to spare.