The Earth is a Donut

Funny story written by chris whewell

Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for The Earth is a Donut
How the Earth looked yesterday.

Once, we all believed the Earth was flat, and that sailing too far would result in us falling over the edge into space, or into the slavering jaws of a waiting kraken.

In the sixteenth century, the Italian scientist, Galileo told an unbelieving world that the Earth was indeed not flat - but that it was spherical.

Now, thanks to boffins, the world is incredibly, donut-shaped.

Owing to the construction of the second Large Hadron Collider in Fiji, (at a point directly opposite the Swiss/French LHC) and it's switch-on last Thursday, (the ceremony performed by Carol Vorderman), a second Black Hole has formed, as predicted.

In our earlier story, we explained that the Fijian LHC expected to, in effect, suck items that had inadvertently entered the original LHC, (recently proved to be the cause of the Global Financial Crisis/ Financial Black Hole) One such item is the briefcase belonging to Bernard Madoff, allegedly containing his entire $50bn investment fund.

Disaster struck though, when the knobs on the new LHC, which were manufactured in the Christmas Islands, didn't correspond to the calibration of the German-made knobs on the Swiss/French model.

As a consequence, when the Fijian LHC was started up, and turned up to 11 on the dial, and imbalance resulted, causing a huge, gaping vortex to open up in the northern hemisphere - indeed, if a passing cleaner hadn't noticed, and turned the knobs down to 8, the entire planet may have been turned inside-out.

Until Fijian technicians can establish parity between the two machines and reverse the damage, planet Earth spins through space as an orbiting donut.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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