Barack to present new image
To counter criticism that his Public appearances are "too wooden, contrived and unconvincing," sources close to Barack Obama report he is to present a more relaxed public image. Pictured right, leaving his Malabu home yesterday, Obama told the wai...
Read full storyMcCain Lieberman, Dancing with the Stars
Senator McCain once again suspended his campaign to be featured on "Dancing with the stars". His partner of choice, Senator Lieberman. The theme of the evening had strong homosexual overtones, "Never leave your buddy's behind". Both McCain and Lie...
Read full storyWayne Rooney And David Beckham Involved In War Of Words Over 'Lucky Underpants'
Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney and LA Galaxy freekick-taker David Beckham have been involved in a training session row over a pair of underpants, according to a report on the England football team's website. The report claims that, Beckham...
Read full storyUK Banks In The Shit
The UK government has today announced a £50billion investment plan to inject cash into UK financial institutions, offered a further £250billion in loan guarantees, and increased another lending scheme to £200billion. Despite all of this, UK banks...
Read full storyJamie Lynn Spears; Pregnant, Still Single and Better Than Fiction
Frustrating TheSpoof.com staff writers one more time, Jamie Lynn Spears and her press agents have managed to issue statements so bizarre, as to render all amateur comedic journalists speechless. In parallel magazine articles released this Wedn...
Read full storyHigh School Musical 3: The Film Is Shit
Screaming fans greeted the stars of High School Musical 3: The Film Is Shit! for the film's premiere in London's Leicester Square last night, but the biggest moment came when star of the film, Zac Efron, told the crowd: "The film is shit." A hu...
Read full storyPalin Leaves McCain Campaign Due to His Past Association with Murderous Communists
Anchorage - In a shocking development, Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced she was leaving the McCain presidential ticket because she had just read in a newspaper that John McCain had spent over five years as the guest of a group of com...
Read full storyGovernor Palin's Hacker Is In Deep You-Know What!
BULLS GAP, Tennessee - The individual who hacked into Governor Sarah Palin's email could end up receiving a five year prison term as well as a $250,000 fine. When Palin was informed of these developments she commented in that shrilled Tina Fey vo...
Read full storyViking Shows Up with 1468 AD Pawn Ticket, Reclaims Shetland Isles!
Hjaltland/ The Shetland Times - A Viking descendant of former Norwegian King Christian 1 surfaced today with an aging Pawn Ticket to reclaim the Shetland Isles. Pawned off in 1468 to raise money for his ugly daughter's Dowery, the cash poor Ki...
Read full storyUK Banks Do the "Bailout Boogy"
The dire day of reckoning has come for all the many prestigious old financial institutions of the United Kingdom as they face the heady realization that UK people are vulnerably softened by the American bailout to tolerate their own UK bailout - "Lik...
Read full storyHonest cab driver returns a bag filled with cash
Manila Philippines- An honest cabbie earned praise Sunday for returning a bag filled with 1.5 million pesos in cash to a masked man who left the money inside his taxicab earlier this week. Brandino Baruda, a driver for VA (Value-Added) taxi, retur...
Read full storyGlobal markets in turmoil following announcement of compulsory random drug tests for City traders
London - (Toxic Mess): "You takin' the piss?" That was the sombre comment from one Canary Wharf trader today following the announcement that compulsory drug testing of City traders forms part of the UK government's bail-out of the banking industry.
Read full storyThe Queen's Golden Jubilee lead horse's head 'found in Charles's bedroom'
London - (The Godmother Ass Mess): The lead whorse which pulled the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch's gold state coach during the Golden Jubilee charade, er...spectacle! - in 2002 has been found dead. The severed head of 'Bunty', a grey gelding aged 35, w...
Read full storyLazytown shuns the UK over Iceland Bank collapse row
Reykjavik, Iceland: Producers of the hit children's TV programme Lazytown, which is produced in Iceland, have retaliated over the UK Governments plans to sue Iceland's government, after the collapse of its number 2 bank Icesave which left thousands o...
Read full storyEmma Watson does all she can to get a Dick inside
The actress Emma Watson, frustrated by red tape, has done all she feels she can to help get a Dick inside. The diminutive young actress is almost at her wits end having run out of options to help her new escort Dick Doubtfire obtain a flat within...
Read full storyUN Security Council Condems US for Exporting Economic Terrorism!
NY,NY/ Wall Street Journal - The UN Security Council has voted to censure the US for exporting toxic mortgages around the world causing life threatening financial infections now being called "The Democratic Flu." The insidious ailment reportedl...
Read full storyWest Ham In The Shit
West Ham United, are in the Financial Brown Stuff this morning, after it was revealed that their Icelandic bankers, Landsbanki, had gone into receivership on Tuesday. The Hammers, who were once led by 1966 World Cup-winning captain Bobby Moore, ar...
Read full storyA Real Nut Case: Obama and Acorn Represent "Authoritarian Socialism"
Chicago,Il./ Militant Times - The seeds of the financial meltdown are now being traced to a militant community action group that adopted and backed Barack Obama as he climbed over the backs of American Taxpayers to become a Presidential Candidate.
Read full storySarah Palin discovers Ireland is full of Irish people
On the final leg of her world tour of the USA prior to the election fiasco later in the year, vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin took a wrong turning at Boston and ended up at Shannon Airport in southern Ireland. When she arrived in the termina...
Read full storyPrime Minister unveils new Department for Sandwiches
In an effort to waste even more taxpayers money, the Prime Minister today launched his new Department for Sandwiches. Headed by Secretary of State for Sandwiches, Ruth Kelly, supported by newly appointed Minister for Fillings John Prescott and Min...
Read full storyMy Gay Affair with Obama
London, England - Retired Royal Air Force pilot and pre-op transsexual Polly Graff has revealed that she had a one-night stand with US Presidential hopeful Barack Obama when she was a gay man. According to Ms Graff, the tryst occurred a dozen years a...
Read full storyMcCain Wears Garter Belt During Debate
Nashville. During the TV-debat McCain wore under his suit red lingerie and a red garter belt with black nylons belonging to Sarah Palin. After the TV-debat, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, chief McCain psychiatric advisor, admitted that the strange way of w...
Read full storyIN SEINE Scores Five In Shrewsbury Win
Shrewsbury Town Spoof writer Trevor IN SEINE scored five goals and assisted in two others in a magnificent 7-0 away win against table-topping Wycombe Wanderers in the Johnstone Paint Trophy at Adams Park last night. IN SEINE powered in a header an...
Read full storyGrisly Risley gets seal of approval
When news broke of the problems at Risley jail, near Warrington in Cheshire (UK), the home office saw an opportunity. The category 'C' training prison (they train people to be prisoners) was investigated in 2007, and the report released this week...
Read full storyThe McCain-Obama Today Show Fireworks
Senator's John McCain and Barack Obama appeared on The Today Show the day after their Oct. 7 debate. Here is a transcript of the interview that Matt Lauer conducted: ML: Gentleman, welcome to The Today Show. BO: Thank you Matt. JM: Thank you my friend. And Matt before we go on let me just say two things; first of all, I want all your viewers to know that I was just kidding about that over...
Read full storyHackers break into All Candidates' Email Accounts!
Being busy candidates with hundreds of emails, the Judge is forced to summarize: SUMMARY OF PALIN EMAIL: 3,039,771 invitations to dinner (99% men from all over the country; 1% women from Berkeley, California) 283,933 proposals of marriage (all from the state of Utah). SUMMARY OF OBAMA EMAIL: 568 Shoulda-Picked-Me's from Hillary Clinton. 38 "Shazam - Ah told yuh so, too!" from Bill C...
Read full storySingle Mums Run Riot
Violent disturbances today followed a rally by single mothers on state benefits in central London following a government pledge to crack down on fat-arsed slappers milking the treasury dry. Police confronted several hundred single mothers in Trafa...
Read full storyChancellor realises the economy might be in trouble
The Chancellor of the Exchequer, the Rt Hon Alistair Bloke, made the stark discovery earlier today that the economy might be in trouble. It appears he was listening to the Today programme on Radio 4 when the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ozz...
Read full storyBank bail out falters
Alastair Darling was left red faced today when the proposed bank bail out was postponed. The chancellor was poised to transfer £100 billion into the banking system when he suddenly realised he had forgotten his ATM pin number. "I'm sure it is m...
Read full storyJohn McCain not Manchurian Candidate
In an attempt to dispel persistent rumors, an anonymous source within the McCain campaign today released a statement denying the belief-- long held in many quarters-- that Vietnamese POW camps were used extensively for joint Soviet/Chinese experiment...
Read full storySarah Adds a Nod to Her Wasilla Wink!
OK, so I know you already think I'm crazy for thinking that VPILF Sarah Palin winked directly at me during her debate with ole Joe Biden. The supporting evidence of my actual baptismal name, Joe Sixpack, seems to have done little good in persuading the public to accept my modest claim that Ice Princess Palin truly batted an eye in my unworthy direction. Therefore I, Joe 6-P, is somewhat he...
Read full storyEnglish Teachers, Grammarians and Language Theorists Unite in Opposition of Endless Run-on Headline Titles That Circle Back On Themselves and Reiterate Their Topic Like English Teachers, Grammarians and Language Theorists Who Unite In Opposition of...
The League Of Onomasticon Propagation (LOOP) consisting of leading Linguistic Theoreticians and Academics issued a press release last Friday that was not published by any news service, due to an unfortunate and endless repetition of the Headline.
Read full storyMcCain Forgets Piles Pillow at Debate # 2; Spends Contest Doing the Tennessee Waltz!
Repub Candie John McCain spent much of his second debate with Barack Obama nervously pacing across the stage at Belmont College in Nashville, Tennessee. While McCain delivered his responses to the town hall audience that looked more like zombies...
Read full storyMcCain 's Bladder Bursts After 90 Minute Presidential Debate!
In a scientific study of seventy year old males and urine retention, brave John McCain agreed to see what would happen if he refused a potty break during the second 90 minute Presidential debate. While forty something Barry O strutted his stuff w...
Read full storyWatchman McCain Tells Nation:' The New President is a Th...Th...That One!
Like the old, stuttering lookout in Mel Brook's Blazing Saddles, John McCain warned America that the possible new president is "a ...ni...ni... THAT ONE!!!" In the most impersonal and de- NIG- rating, should we say lynching of an opponent in a Pre...
Read full storyHow John Saved Wall Street
John McCain was the reason Wall Street roared back. During the plunge earlier this week, panic did set in but then the oldsters of Wall Street turned in desperation to the inspiring forecast of McCain who turns out to be older than money itself - older even than credit. "Yes," humbly confided McCain, "I was around back when 'Wall Street' was just 'Wampum Path' used by them Manhattan Indians for...
Read full storyPatriotic One-upmanship
Not to be outdone, John McCain called suffering in a POW camp a patriotic act. Not to be outdone, Barack Obama called suffering to watch your minister on the evening news go bananas over and over again, was a patriotic act. Not to be outdone, Sarah Palin declared that wearing eyeglasses instead of contact lenses was a patriotic act - but only if it gets most men to vote for you. Not to be...
Read full storyMcCain Investigated by Ripley's Believe it or Not for claim He impregnated Palin's pregnant Daughter for a Third Time!
Everyone knew Mccain had to take a big risk to create the kind of game changer that would stop the runaway train called Obama momentum. His choice of VPILF Palin proved to be just more weirdness. The superman act flying to Washington to save the nati...
Read full storySara Palin 'stimulated' by Barack Obama
Aspiring Republican Vice-Presidential hopeful Alaska governor Sarah Palin allegedly became sexually aroused during the debate between Arizona senator John McCain and Illinois senator Barack last night, according to several sources at the scene. "S...
Read full storyWhatever Happened To The Cockneys?
From: Minister For Culture, UK, Tajib Nwora Where have all the cockneys gone? Why is it that when I walk the streets of my beloved London the only English accents that I ever hear are so unEnglish that it makes my toes curl? We English are not American, we are not Jamaican, we are cockneys. We should all be talking like Dick van Dyke in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or Barbara Windsor in Ea...
Read full storyPanda Wants Abortion
Newscaster 1: "In other news, Fuok Yun, that adorable female Giant Panda at the Binghamton Zoo in New York has communicated with her keepers for the first time. Using touch-screen technology developed by the Primate Research Center to communicate with bonobo chimpanzees, Fuok Yun, which means "Keeper of the Moist Accessible Flower" in Chinese, has been able to hold a conversation with her human...
Read full storyPresident Not Ready to Pull Out of Iraq
Washington DC - In a news conference from the Oval Office, President Bush stated the U.S. was not ready to fully withdrawal from Iraq. The President went on to elaborate, "The U.S. needs to perform a complex sequence of maneuvers to ensure secur...
Read full storyTen Things To Do Before You Die
Get through a single day without being nagged by women. Go to work in a state of euphoria. Walk past a bar and not wish you were in there. Devise a foolproof way of denying your wife access to e-bay. See a jet plane cruising by high in the sky and be grateful you're not on it. Get somebody else to feed the cat/dog/iguana/whatever. Find out that heaven is a female free zone. Ho...
Read full storySarah Palin reads Playgirl Magazine! "Only for the articles, doggone it," says Palin
Anchorage, Alaska - Unlike President Jimmy Carter, whose popularity shot through the roof in the polls among liberals when he confessed to reading Playboy magazine as one of his vices, Sarah Plain was fearful of losing her conservative base if she a...
Read full storyObama, Well Hung According To Wife Michelle, While She Be'littles' McCain
Larry Flynt Daily Sex Report - The hot item today is a bombshell of off-campaign remarks made by Michelle Obama. Appearing on the Spokane, Washington radio talk show show, 'Top U.S. Hos Talk About Their Studs,' the obviously-inebriated Ms. Obama...
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