A Palin-Stevens Presidential Ticket?
CNN has learned that Sarah Palin, notified of the perjury conviction of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, has begun seeking input on how to dump McCain and install Stevens onto the Republican Presidential ticket. Faxes, e-mails, and phone calls have been...
Read full storyMichael Phelps' Girlfriend Confirmed to be Michelle Phillips
Insiders have confirmed that Michael Phelps and co-founder of The Mamas and the Papas Michelle Phillips were seen locking lips last week at a tapas bar near Washington D.C. Ms. Phillips, who has been passing herself as the fictitious 'Nicole Johns...
Read full storyTed Stevens for President
CNN has confirmed that the latest Fox, New York Times, and MSNBC polls indicate that if the Presidential election were held tomorrow, anywhere from 63-82% of the voting public would NOT vote for either the Obama-Biden or the McCain-Palin ticket.
Read full storyRussell Brand A F*cking Wanker, Says Andrew Sachs
Andrew Sachs, the actor who so brilliantly portrayed Spanish waiter, Manuel, in Fawlty Towers, has reacted angrily to a prank telephone call Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross made to him on 18 October during Brand's radio show. Sachs was unavailabl...
Read full storyObama plays campaign blinder hiring white supremacists for 'assassination plot'
Tennessee - (Ass Mess): In a career best campaign move today presidential wannabe Barack Obama was caught hiring a motley ragbag of white supremacists intent on 'assassinating' him to up the November 4 voting numbers. The Neo-Nazi conspirators wer...
Read full storyFree vegetable seeds for every household
Every UK household can now discover the joy of growing their own vegetables, thanks to a new scheme that has been introduced to distribute free seeds. Gordon Brown made the following announcement today: "We are in the middle of the first recession...
Read full storyRussell Brand to be new voice of Stephen Hawking
Stephen Hawking has announced that he has approached outrageous and controversial performer Russell Brand to be the new voice for his computer generated speech. He said: "As the world knows I had originally approached Johnny Depp for this role.. B...
Read full storyTruth About UFOs Finally Revealed
ROSWELL, NM - Two-star General Albert Ford held a press conference today where he finally revealed the truth about what the media and enthusiasts have been referring to as 'UFOs' for the past fifty years. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to ann...
Read full storyZombie Party Endorses McCain
Pittsburgh, PA - The leader of the Zombie Party, Ephraim Klipspringer, said in a statement given at the annual Monroeville Mall Zombie Walk, that his party, "ambles aimlessly behind, er, stands behind McCain 100 percent." He continued, "During the...
Read full storyTory sperm donor row: Osborne denies soliciting Spoof writer
London - (Oligarch Mess): Tory shadow chancer George Osborne has denied soliciting Spoof! writer Dunkin Donutz after claims in the blogosphere that the two 'were up eachother's arses' on board Oleg Deripaska's yacht the Queen Special-K this summer.
Read full storyJamie Lynn Spears and Miley Cyrus have joint orgasm while sitting on a washing machine
One of teen-lands most popular stars and the sex-craving talent less little sister of Britney Spears shared a special moment whilst doing the laundry yesterday. Jamie Lynn Spears brought her dirty knickers over for the weekly wash at gal-pal Mile...
Read full storyHSM 15 to Feature Suri Cruise, Shiloh Jolie and Jayden Spears
Disney is already planning to extend the High School Musical movie franchise well into the next decade, with advance contracts being offered for child stars who aren't even actors yet. Sparking a frenzy of activity from Hollywood celebrity moms look...
Read full story'William Shatner and Ringo Starr both have mad-old-man disease say Docs'
Doctors have asked the general public for calm and patience, when reacting to the recent spate of old entertainers talking shit on the internet. They can't help it. IT'S A REAL DISEASE. Ringo Starr has recently decided he HATED people who write to...
Read full storyCindy McCain should replace Sarah Palin
John McCain could do no worse than to dump Sarah Palin and bring in Cindy McCain as his running mate. Not only is Cindy smart and photogenic, but she has more practical and business experience than all the presidential and vice-presidential candidates put together. In fact, when John was too busy politicking in Washington, Cindy bore his children and single handedly raise them. She helped p...
Read full storyFrenchman flushed to have arm back
A man on board a train in western France, travelling from La Rochelle to Bordeaux, had one of the most embarrassing and painful experiences of his life while sitting on the train's toilet. Events that followed could not be made up. In this case...
Read full storyWalt Disney Wakes up
A male cleaner at the Cryogenics Laboratory (Disneyland University, Florida) is recovering in intensive care tonight after being scared half to death by none other than Walt Disney, the famous animator and deer hunter. The man, known affectionatel...
Read full storyCSI: Floral
Police arrested a thirty-four year old florist yesterday for the apparent motiveless murder of dad of five, Wong Pace Wong Tym. "We believe we have uncovered just the tip of the iceberg," said Detective Inspector Phil Inns. "In the interview, it t...
Read full story2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court
Washington, DC - Barack Obama, in order to diffuse the growing controversy of Joe the Plumber, has switched to John the Justice, and is calling upon the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court to spread the wealth around the members of the court a little.
Read full storyPuppet Monarch's feckless Oz brother is new London shopping maul tycoon
London - (Sordid Ass Mess): The Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch's Australian gangster half brother is opening London's latest shopping maul (sic) this week. Frank Lowy, 78, is the ultimate feckless land-grab merchant after embezzling a massive commercial...
Read full storyThe Bailout
Fanny May Bankertype was the office manager at Amalgamated Widget Corporation. A concerned and caring person, Fanny May directed the activities of Amalgamated's clerical staff of forty workers. One day, a new restaurant opened just down the street from Amalgamated's offices. While the prices were a little steep, the food was excellent and the service outstanding, and it wasn't long before the...
Read full storySevered Finger Makes News and a Commercial
Following a freak accident at a local men's club triggered by launched ping pong balls and a broken whiskey bottle, Mr. Ben 'Lucky' Bephore, a Washington D.C. resident was rushed to a local hospital with a detached middle finger from his right hand s...
Read full storyHull City 'Lucky' To Be Doing So Well, Says 'Expert'
Those Premier League upstarts, Hull City, have been very lucky to have done so well in their start to the season, and it would be a miracle if they retained their place in the top flight, according to an 'expert'. The Tigers have won six and drawn...
Read full storyNortherners More Dirty
Scabies, England - New research has found that northerners are dirtier than southerners. The study, conducted by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, says the further north people live, the less likely they are to wash their hands afte...
Read full storySpecial Interview with Maldives President Gayoom
Here is the script of our special Interview with Maldives long serving President Mr. Maumoon Abdul Gayoom with our Asia correspondent Alex Anderson. Alex: Welcome to the Interview Sir. Gayoom: Its nice to give an interview to a international press for free, normally I have to pay to give interviews. You know I have already appointed my daughter, so she can get me more interviews. Alex: Hm...
Read full storyGarth Crooks Sacked From Match Of The Day
Garth Crooks : Hello Is that Johnny?, It's Garth here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have been sacked as a Pundit by the BBC, let's face it the Match of the Day Boys all hate me, I think I have a good case for Wrongful Dismissal it could be racially motivated, but we don't have any "Showbiz" Black Lawyers in England, are you interested?". Johnny Cochrane : "Let me get t...
Read full storyLarry King Live: Nancy Pelosi Wants To Impeach Sarah Palin
LOS ANGELES, California - Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi told CNN's Larry King that she is seriously thinking about bringing impeachment proceedings against Sarah Palin. Larry asked her on what grounds and Pelosi said on the grounds that the woman spent $150,000 of the Republican National Committee's money on campaign clothes. Larry asked her how that concerned her when she's a Democrat. An...
Read full storyBehind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics
BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE SUMMER OLYMPIC GAMES SCENE: London General Hospital TIME: The 2012 summer Olympic Games The emergency telephone rings. Nurse: London General. Voice on phone: Ambulance 253 here! We're bringing in a code 5. Six patients in all. Nurse: What? Yet another! Who is it this time? Ambulance: It's members of the Peruvian Pole Vault team. They've apparently over...
Read full storySupermarket unveils new Environmental Policy
A superstore giant today unveiled its attempts to save the planet. With the British Government indicating that if the supermarkets do not control the number of plastic bags in circulation, then they will act, the supermarket chain has responded by pu...
Read full storyPremier League inquiry as Spurs win
The FA Premier League announced today there would be a full inquiry into the Spurs Bolton fixture that saw a 2-0 victory for Tottenham. "We are finding it hard to believe with the way they defend that they kept a clean sheet" said an FA spokespers...
Read full storyUK beer sales in decline
The British Beer and Pub Association (BBPA) said increased alcohol taxes was another reason for a sales slump equivalent to 1.8 million pints a day. Overall sales from July to September fell by 7.2% - compared with the same period a year ago, the...
Read full storyTopless Risqué Photos of Barack Obama's Paternal Grandmother Surface
Kenya, Africa - Last week reported photos of Barack Obama's mother, Stanley Anne Dunham, completely nude surfaced on the internet causing many to speculate if there were any more scandalous photos of Barack Obama's family members in provocative poses...
Read full storyPlumber's friend
A man, questioning the loyalty of his wife, Sara, confides in a friend for advice. The affair and the advice both constitute a dreadful surprise to a discerning eye. The anecdote is deep-rooted in man's Id-instinctual reaction for satisfying motives. Paradoxically, the husband and the wife are said to be Jewish and the lover Muslim, an incredible wishful combination! Historically, as of 70...
Read full storyResearch shock: Fun DOES continue after someone loses an eye
Scientists at the University of New England have finally debunked the ancient myth that "It's all good fun until somebody loses an eye." The group of psychologists monitored the behaviour of two hundred children at a primary school in inner Sydne...
Read full storyBush Invades Syria: You don't expect me to retire to Iraq or Afghanestonia, Do Ya?!
In the midst of foreign affairs crises in Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran, with Israel's government in turmoil and the Palestinian situation tense, the Bush-Cheney war machine rolls again and right in the place they love to disaster- the cradle of civilsa...
Read full storyCindy McCain Opposes Palin's Billions for Disabled: We Already Give Enough to John's First Wife!
The McCain-Palin campaign has begun to seriously unravel. McCain's multiple personalities are arguing with each other on campaign tours of three different states. Sarah Palin has struck out on her after accusing McCain handlers of boundiing and gaggi...
Read full storyPalin Promises Billions to Herself and Other Parents of the Disabled!
Sarah Palin now opposes government earmarks but successfully scored millions as mayor of a two moose town. She collected travel per diems while traveling from her kitchen to her bathroom and had her whole family travel the country on then tax payers...
Read full storyMcCain "Meets The Press" at Waterloo...Iowa
Pressed on every side by adversity, Repub candie John McCain has the millstone of the Bush failures around his neck. He is beset by the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression, a limping War in Iraq and a crawling one in Afghanistan. VPILF...
Read full storyAshley Todd Carved the Letter "O" Herself - Backwards!
McCain campaign worker Ashley Todd claims that an Obama supporter saw her non-existent McCain-Palin bumper sticker on her imaginary car and robbed her at the wrong ATM. The assailant Then carved the letter "O" in Todd's forehead very faintly and...
Read full storyNew word "gokwan" accepted by Oxford English Dictionary
A new word, with several meanings, has today been accepted by the Oxford English Dictionary. Submitted by the British Male Public, the word "Gokwan" was admitted to the hallowed pages of the biggest, brightest and heaviest dictionary in the world.
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