Zombie Party Endorses McCain

Written by Jordan Baugher

Monday, 27 October 2008

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Pittsburgh, PA - The leader of the Zombie Party, Ephraim Klipspringer, said in a statement given at the annual Monroeville Mall Zombie Walk, that his party, "ambles aimlessly behind, er, stands behind McCain 100 percent."

He continued, "During these tough economic times, we need a candidate who gives us what we really need--mountains and mountains of brains. With four more catastrophic years of Bush-like economic policy, the ensuing apocalyptic climate will be ideal for harvesting brains."

When asked why she favored McCain, Zombie Party member Elaine Smith said, "Living candidates just don't understand the needs of our community, but McCain, that guy gets it."

While Obama has stated that he is "willing to meet with the zombies without precondition," recent polls show that the majority of the nation's zombies aren't impressed by this gesture.

"Initially, I'd heard a rumor that he was born in Haiti, and that was promising, and I was also very impressed that he wasn't pro-life. In the end, though, you gotta go with your gut, and my gut tells me that McCain will deliver the brains."

Graveyard zombie Ron Pulley was less enthusiastic. "People said the Bush administration would bring us brains, but in the last eight years I haven't seen a brain between the lot of them."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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