CNN has confirmed that the latest Fox, New York Times, and MSNBC polls indicate that if the Presidential election were held tomorrow, anywhere from 63-82% of the voting public would NOT vote for either the Obama-Biden or the McCain-Palin ticket.
The pollsters discovered that the majority of all those polled would write-in to have convicted perjurer Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska to be the next President of the United States.
Emergency focus groups were convened in order to make sense out of this amazing aberration of the American political stage.
To Republican voters, Ted Stevens conjured up an image of Richard Nixon, an innovative and effective world statesman who was felled by a tragic flaw. To Democratic voters, the disgraced Senator from Alaska at least knew exactly what he wanted and how to go about getting it, without hypocrisy or apology.
In fact, when queried about these results, Ralph Nader said, "Hell, I'd vote for him myself. We haven't had a man's Man since Teddy Roosevelt!"