'One law for the proles and another for gay royal crack cocaine blackmail vicitm'
London - (Ass Mess): Lawyers acting for the accused in the 'gay minor royal £50,000 crack cocaine blackmail video' case have slammed British justice for favoring the totally anonymous and unnamed son of the late Princess Margaret.
Read full storyIn Major Blunder, Obama Says Sky Is Blue
AP - In a major campaign blunder, Senator Barack Obama stated today that the sky is blue.
Read full storyNext Weekend's Sunday of the Paralytic: Greek Melkite Eparch's grim warning for Bush and Vatican
Washington AC/DC - (Sermon on the Mount Mess): The Greek Orthodox Melkite Eparch of Roslindale, Massachusetts has delivered a stark reminder to President George W Bush as he prepares for a private confession with the Pope next Sunday.
Read full storyPresident Bush Unsure of China Olympic Situation
Due to the recent controversies with the Olympic torch marathon, the treatment of Tibet, and the tainted food and toys imported into the United States from China, President George W. Bush has said that he is "unsure of the whole situation."...
Read full storyBeauty Shop Adds Bikini Waxing to List of Services
Flora May's Beauty Shop, Auto Body and Pint, and Fried Chicken Palace down by the highway has added bikini waxing to their list of services. Owner Flora May announced that she has "added on a new room just for this so's people can get their waxin' i...
Read full storyNASA Astronaut Visits Local School
Astronaut Carl Branson recently spent two months on the International Space Station and returned home on a Space Shuttle Endeavor mission. The former Air Force test pilot and Major recently visited Longhorn, Texas and spoke to Ms. Roberts fourth grade science class about his adventures in outer space. Branson once attended Longhorn elementary as a child when his father worked at the railyards.
Read full storyYouTube's Girl Fight Club license approved by Nevada Boxing Commission
Las Vegas, Nevada - Contrary to its official policy to red flag any viral video that depicts unnecessary violence, YouTube proudly announced today that the Nevada Boxing Commission finally approved its application for an online fight club.
Read full storyInternationally Renowned Child Prodigy Slacks Off
Four-year-old only-child Nicholas Fortworth (not his real name due to his status as a minor) has shocked the international Childhood Talented and Gifted community by slacking off. It seems he has opted to intake Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank E...
Read full storySecret divorce talks for Charles and Camilla
Buckingham Palace - (Sordid Ass Mess): It's over. A top Palace source has confirmed today that Charles and Camilla are to divorce after a standard prenup based on promoting the Prince's heterosexuality ran aground and finally hit the rocks d...
Read full storyMob Boss Dead
Reuters - Goldie "The Giant" Goldfish was found dead this morning floating on his side in his 3 story penthouse fish bowl. A 911 call was received at 6:20AM by an anonymous source saying only "The Giant is down".
Read full storyFAA Plans to ground all World Airlines
Making it clear that safety is here to stay again, the FAA plan to extend their grounding of air carriers to every air carrier in the world, bringing "US Style Safety' to airlines that, while they may not have explicitly requested the assist...
Read full storyMozzarella Madness
A tiny hill town in the province of Messina, Sicily has decided to use tinted mozzarella balls instead of traditional paper ballots to vote for their next Prime Minister in this weekend's election.
Read full storyBush, Pope and Gorgon Brown in desperate tripartite talks next weekend
Washington AC/DC - (Sordid Ass Mess): Pentagon crisis management wonks are pleading for a significant increase in subliminal valium in the White House's air con system as George W Bush prepares to meet with Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Prime Monster...
Read full storyResidents of Wyoming, Utah and Colorado excel at Tetris
Scientists have reported that residents of three western US states-Colorado, Utah, and Wyoming- score higher on average than the other 47 states in the union on the once mega-popular video game Tetris.
Read full storyBritney Spears in Near Fatal Car Crash
Unhinged pop-star Britney Spears has been involved in a potentially fatal car smash on the Ace Ventura Freeway in Los Angeles.
Read full storyBaptist Group to Boycott "Compassion Forum"
The Johnstown Baptist Church in Johnstown, MN is discouraging Americans from watching the "Compassion Forum" between Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Reverend Ralph DeSales says that "Compassion Forum" is a coded messag...
Read full storyRefs To Be Given Truth Serum
"Scottish Referees are to undergo jabs of sodium penothane before games, and at half-time. This should hopefully eradicate the myth that the SFA, Masonic Lodges and the Old Bhoys network collaborated to favour the Old Firm", a FIFA spokespe...
Read full storyMugabe furious about slur
Foxy News reports that Robert Mugabe is furious about the fact that he has slid down to second place on the list of "Most annoying person in the World".
Read full storyNew comer rap artist "Shizzle Wizzle Jay" bites Eminem, mistaking him for an M&M.
Experienced Rap artism Eminem was outraged when "Shizzle Wizzle Jay" took a big juicy bite out of his left arm. Apart from causing severe injuries, it also damaged Eminem's dignity, and reduced him to tears.
Read full storyAmericans Pretty Sure Robert Mugabe is an African Distance Runner
NEW YORK, NY - Who is Robert Mugabe? To any educated, informed individual it may seem a simple question with an obvious answer, but, as we in the rest of the West have long known, the average American is neither informed nor educated.
Read full storyCeltel Kenya to offer new Marketing Degree
Celtel Kenya has joined hands with a local university to offer a new degree in Marketing.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe's Winner Eyebrow
Last night Daniel Radcliffe was announced the winner of the 'Biggest Eyebrow Contest 2008', he fought off hard competition from the likes of Charlie from busted and Jesse the cat (Postman Pat's). He was rewarded with a trolley dash and a...
Read full story5 reasons why the government should change its emblem to a condom
The government is changing its emblem to a condom because it represents the same political stance:...
Read full storyBritish spooks tell FBI chief of their waterboarding alternatives success
London - (Ass Mess): UK spooks have rejected FBI chief Robert Mueller's criticism that they are not waterboarding enough terror suspects and described secret use of a far deadlier interrogation technique to get comparable results.
Read full storyHarry Potter To Realese Rap Song.
Harry Potter affectionately known as the chosen one, has found himself with nothing to do ever since defeating the dark lord. The famous wizard has decided to realise a rap foretelling the story of his life.
Read full storyDundonian's Outrage At McDonalds
A 95 year old Dundonian has slammed American company McDonalds for selling 'McJeelyPieces' in all of it's Scottish Outlets.
Read full storySports are the new thing
Scientists in America have made the discovery that sports are a good thing for getting large groups of people together.
Read full storyMs HillBillery courts small boy hick Amerika
Recently this reporter discovered just prior to the Ass Potty Potus primaries in the Rust Belt that Ms HillBillery simply loves bitter beer.
Read full storyRiots in Atlanta As Gas Raised To $200 Dollars Per Gallon, Hamburgers At $500 Each
ATLANTA (FMLiveWire) - Food and fuel riots have come to the United States as local gas stations here raised a gallon of non-leaded gasoline to $200 per gallon while the price of top of the line hamburgers at McDonalds skyrocketed to $500 each.
Read full storyWestern Media 'demonises' demons says The Devil
The Devil has accused the Western media of demonising his unholy supporters and says there are "complicated problems" in administering international evil.
Read full storyRadcliffe seen singing with a dusky maiden
Following his adventures in the ladies underwear shop, Daniel was seen entering a house of ill repute, where he was reported to have shown his credentials to a dusky maiden in the hope of an intimate musical performance for a private audience;...
Read full storyShop Staff Given New Powers Over Gay Customers
As from Monday, shop staff have been given the power to stop gay men and women from buying items for partners.
Read full storyOregon Is Varting!
Grants Pass Gas, OR. - Scientists listening to rumblies in the tumbly of the central Oregon off- coastal area are reporting more than 600 gaseous emissions from a basin off the coast of Newport, OR, over the past 10 days.
Read full storyCalifornia Gropenator Will Stop Ban on Gay Marriage
Former World Champion body builder, Arnold Schwarzenegger has been an on again, off again opponent of gay marriage. He has opposed legislation against same-sex unions but now has come out against an amendment opposing the marriage of lesbian and gay...
Read full storyIt's ok to think Doctor Who is gay, says David Tennant's ex-boyfriend
The 36-year-old David Tennant is considered by many viewers to be the best dressed incarnation yet of Time Lord Doctor Who. Far from milking his celebrity, though, he hardly ever speaks to the press. In this rare interview, his former boyfri...
Read full storyPope Ratzinger to Teach NYC Catholic School Children and Teachers to Sing!
Pope Benedict the Sixteenth, the former German Cardinal Ratzinger, the head of the Holy Office of the Inquisition and once Hitler youth will be visiting NYC during the Catholic School teachers strike. NYC Archdiocesan ass-kissers are trying to teach...
Read full storyAfter hosting Miss USA, Donny and Marie Osmond offered their own Reality TV Show: "The Osmonds"
Hollywood, California - From the producers that brought you "The Osbournes," "Survivor" and "Fear Factor" now comes: "The Osmonds." That is if they accept the highly lucrative contract offer, as they are said t...
Read full storyClinton Pushes for Crack Vote!
In a desperate move to lure Obama supporters, Senator Hillary Clinton is proposing a reduction in the mandatory five year sentence for possession of crack cocaine.
Read full storyMcBush Changes Mind! Will help Some Not-So Rich!
Republican only- run, Johnny McBush originally toed the Repub party line that preaches trickle down economics. This is an economic philosophy that like many Republican viewpoints is based on natural law.
Read full storyGeert Wilders Goes Anti-Bible!
Controversial Dutch documentary maker, Geert Wilders, is famous for his expose' of the Islamic holy book, the Quran and its frequent calls to violence and terrorism. In a surprising reversal Wilder has released a film that shows that the Bible, t...
Read full storyBush State Department Warns President Carter Against Peace Overtures!
Bush and his war lord run state department has warned former President Jimmy Carter numerous times against attempts to bring peace to the world. Bush state department spokesperson, Bella Cose explained that war is a real money maker for the rich and...
Read full storyBig Ben 150th Anniversary; US Sues Same Foundry for Defective Liberty Bell!
In the midst of Whitechapel Bell Foundry's celebration of House of Parliament's Big Ben, a shocking lawsuit arrived from the colonies - it seems that Whitechapel is also the source of Philadelphia's Liberty Bell.
Read full storyDalai Lama denies receiving fellatio from Britney Spears
At a press conference in Seattle early this morning, Tibet's spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, firmly denied having received oral sex from deranged pop star Britney Spears.
Read full story