10 Reasons why Willow was better than Lord of the Rings
Ever notice how similar films are becoming these days? Is this a recent thing, or are we to continue suffering through the same plots over and over again simply because producers are unwilling to toss the dice at risqué new films?...
Read full storyDon Imus sues CBS for $40 million worth of hurt feelings
New York - (Ass Mess): Oh the joy of finding a red-hot First Amendment specialist New York lawyer who agrees that $40 million is the right kind of price tag on a man's hurt feelings!...
Read full storyProof the World is Ending - Politician Makes Intelligent Statement
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - The entire world is trembling. Everyone knows the end of the world is neigh. Today in Washington, D.C. a politician actually made an intelligent statement.
Read full storyHouse Fails to Override Bush's Veto
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, the House failed to overturn President George Bush's veto. The 222-203 vote was quite short of the two-thirds majority needed to override the veto. It was stunning defeat for the Democrats and t...
Read full storyOprah Endorses Barack Obama on Larry King
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Larry King - On May 2, 2007, Oprah endorsed Barack Obama for president. "I know him personally," said Oprah, "and quite often. "That man turns me OOOOnnnn! With my billions, he's sure to make it to p...
Read full storyFDA Releases Suicide Pills
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - The FDA gave the O.K. to "Suicide Pills" today. Many anti-depressants cause suicidal thoughts and actions, especially in younger adults. The "Suicide Pills" are a new push by the Bush Ad...
Read full storyRussian TLTnews website spoofed over Kate Middleton story
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Russian entertainment website TLTnews.net has become the latest victim of the awesome and legendary satirical powers of The Spoof website after it published a Kate Middleton story written by veteran Spoof writer queen...
Read full storyEngineers Plan Mile-High Windmill to solve Enviromental Problems
Washington D.C - The Army Corp of Engineers announced today their plans to combat the growing issue of global warming and human energy consumption. In a joint agreement with Halliburton, the Corp has been asked to design a 1.8 trillion dollar windmil...
Read full storyBA to introduce farting and non-farting flights
Airlines are well known to be significant contributors to global warming but what many people fail to realize is the not insignificant amount of greenhouse gas that's released when an aircraft's door is opened after landing and all the farts...
Read full storySequel Set To Eclipse Original
A new book is sweeping all before it and is set to be top of the best sellers before the week is out.
Read full storyWho is Peter Crouch really?
Following Liverpool's semi-final Champions league win over Chelsea on penaties reports have been confirmed that 6'7 Liverpool striker Peter Crouch is in fact a shaven wookie from the planet Kashyyk.
Read full storyThe Welsh must leave the UK by Jan 2009
"People of Wales, pack your bags you're being deported!" That was the shocking message leaked from 11 Downing Street last night following a top secret meeting involving Mr Brown, his future cabinet colleagues and three very trustworthy...
Read full storyCyberbock Industries Develops New Time Travel Technology
DAYTON, OH (AP Newsliar) -- Cyberbock Industries Inc. has developed a novel technology that will lead to the first practical time travel capability, company officials reported today.
Read full storyJared Getting Fat Again
Subway ad personality Jared Fogle, is now moving up, but not exactly in the way he wanted. While he made great strides with the Subway diet and losing a great amount of weight in the process, Jared's weight is going up, presumably fueled by 11 he...
Read full storyGovernment Targets Shy People
The recent Virginia Tech Massacre has everybody on the lookout for the next possible mass murderer. At the urging of President Bush, government officials are hunting down those who, in their view, might present a dangerous threat.
Read full storyOrbital refrigerators!
In a desparate bid to aleviate the threat of global warming, the worlds top boffins have devised an ingenious plan that could save us all.
Read full storyBoris Yeltsin cuts European gas supply
Boris Yeltsin's liver has exploded just days after being buried at the Novodevichy cemetery in Russia.
Read full storyBush reassures troops: You'll be in Iraq until hell freezes over
Concerned about the morale of troops fighting in Iraq after Congresses' failed attempt to set a timetable for withdrawal, President Bush sent a message to American servicemen and women assuring them that the fight against terrorism would continue...
Read full storyOutrage at Terror rappers sentance
Following the jailing of the Terror rappers at the Old Bailey yesterday, and their subsequent year long incarceration at Camp verb-n-noun. The notorious eloquence...
Read full storyCurse of Chelsea FC Act II: 'heroic' Liverpool goalie burgled
Liverpool - (Ass Mess): The curse of Chelsea Football Club continued its dire course today amid reports that Pepe Reina, the Liverpool goalkeeper whose 'heroic' performance saw his club thrash Chelsea 1-0 in last night's Champions League...
Read full storyDuel ends in tradegy
WELCH, West Virginia (AP) -- The annoying buzz of an all-terrain vehicle may have triggered a deadly shootout that led police to file a rare charge of "murder by duel," authorities said.
Read full storyBritish Forces Lack vehicles in Afghanistan
A serious shortage of patrol vehicles is hampering operations in Afghanistan, British commanders have told the BBC.
Read full storyAnimal Fighting Organiser Gets Jail
A man arrested for organising cruel fights between animals, has today been sentenced to five years in prison at Birmingham Crown Court.
Read full storyGovernment Backs Down - Public Inquiry Soon
After intense public and media pressure, the Government this morning caved-in, and has said that it will, after all, hold a Public Inquiry. Indeed, the Home Secretary John Reid, a dimwit, confirmed t...
Read full storyCritics divided over Leibovitz nude Queen Elizabeth portrait
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Famous American photographer Annie Leibovitz has been panned for her latest offering of a portrait of a naked Queen Elizabeth bathing in asses' milk, commissioned by the State of Texas to mark her visit to the US t...
Read full storyChelsea FC curse blamed in tragic VIP chopper mystery
Cambridgeshire - (Ass Mess): The ancient curse of Chelsea Football Club has claimed yet another mysterious helicopter tragedy following the club's devastating 1-0 thrashing by Liverpool FC in the semi-finals of the Champions League.
Read full storyBreast is Best
Breastfeeding newborn babies while lying down might boost the chances of success, UK research suggests. Don Mathis, head of Watch Womens Breasts UK released the findings after months of study.
Read full storyThe Real Story Behind Rosie Leaving 'The View'
NEW YORK (Pulp Friction)-Controversy seems to find a way to surround those in the limelight with no talent, no looks, no brains and no business opening their mouths when nothing but greenhouse gases escape to infect and infuriate us...
Read full storyPaul Wolfowitz Resigns World Bank, To Manage Las Vegas Casino
LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Paul Wolfowitz has resigned as President of the World Bank and has accepted a lucrative position to run the Golden Nugget Casino in Las Vegas.
Read full storyExperts say Target is exactly that
It is now strongly recommended that everyone stay out and away from the department store known as "Target." Experts agree that these stores are owned and operated by terrorists.
Read full storyVaginaplasty, Paris women get new Vaginas!
Paris, Root-hers: - Scores of fashionable young Parisians ladies are flocking to the plastic surgeons for a quick nip tuck of the old lady garden in a bid to regain their virginity.
Read full storyBlair Bans Birmingham from Voting In Future Elections
In a shock move the Governmnent today announced that Birmingham will not be allowed to vote in the forthcoming local elections. A question mark is also hanging over whether Birmingham and the West Midlands will be allowed to vote in General Elections...
Read full storyFDA Warns Public Against Deadly Poison Aspartame
WASHINGTON (AP) - FDA Chief Ralph Roachman has warned the American public "against eating Aspartame or getting any on your hands," the distinguished bureaucrat cautioned at a news conference.
Read full storyCastro fails to appear on May Day, six more weeks of winter weather due.
Cuba's leader and chief meteorologist, Fidel Castro has failed to appear at Havana's annual May Day parade, fuelling speculation that spring isn't quite here for the country, just yet.
Read full storyDanny DeVito Premium Limoncello Label Really His Piss
PASADENA, KALIFONIA--(WINO WEEKLY) Danny DeVito, Film actor, producer, director and now Liqueur Bottler Extraordinaire, embarrassed himself and a shocked ABC's "The View" television audience, estimated...
Read full storyNew Arab reality show
Due to lack of involvement in suicide bombings, Al-Qaeda announced today for a casting call for a new reality show called "Jihad Idol"...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Vetoes War Bill Saying Exxon Mobil's Profits Are Not Yet High Enough
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush vetoed the war spending bill requiring US troop withdrawal from Iraq on Tuesday, saying "The job isn't finished...Exxon Mobil's profits have got to go a lot higher before we leave!"...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda announces new Rock Group
Since the US froze and suspended all their bank accounts, Al-Qaeda have had to find a new source of money to fund their terror projects.
Read full storyDC Madam Reveals Political Preferences
Washington DC - Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the notorious owner of Deborah Jeane Palfrey's Escort Service, was forced to hand over her Washington DC client list to a Grand Jury this afternoon. The list contained not only the client list but the clien...
Read full storyBush Vetoes Attempt to Save Him from Himself!
Bush, the artful draft dodger, will hold the US "volunteer" army's feet to the suicide bombers' fire rather than heed the 2006 voters 'rejection of the administrations' war policy. In a quintessential display of idiot savage...
Read full storyAl Qaeda and Sunni into Row over Global Warming
Baghdad, Iraq - Factional fighting broke out between Al Qaeda terrorists and Sunni militants resulting in the possible death of Al Qaeda leader, Adu Ayyub al-Masri, today; all in an apparent dispute over global warming, claim Sunni tribal fighters.
Read full storyBlair Celebrates another May-be Day
London, May 1 - The British Prime Minister today tried to evince renewed interest about himself within the media by announcing that he may be retiring next month. The much-repeated proclamation was made this time in front of the servants' entry t...
Read full storyMusicians unlock mystery melody in Scottish chapel
CCN - Routers - The Magical Mystery Music, discovered in a Scottish Church that was featured in the best-selling novel "The Da Vinci Code," has been discovered after almost 600 years.
Read full storyPaul Sings for Peace (and Lawyer Fees)
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - TheSpoof.com writer CalJennings had no idea that Sir Paul McCartney would take him up on his suggestion to sing for world peace, but that's just what Sir Paul plans to do.
Read full storyBush Vetoes Iraq Withdrawl Bill, Democrats Respond
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - President Bush, after vetoing the bill to withdraw troops from Iraq, said, "Congress needs to pass an emergency war spending bill quickly" and "...Confident that with goodwill on both sides we...
Read full storyBritney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan - Vaginas are Drying Up
Paparazzi all over the world today claimed that crotch-shots are drying up in every country. One hack photographer commented, "A couple of months ago you couldn't take a picture without snapping something inadvertently flapping in the breeze...
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