Paul Wolfowitz Resigns World Bank, To Manage Las Vegas Casino

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

image for Paul Wolfowitz Resigns World Bank, To Manage Las Vegas Casino
Wolfowitz gambles on the Golden Nugget

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Paul Wolfowitz has resigned as President of the World Bank and has accepted a lucrative position to run the Golden Nugget Casino in Las Vegas.

"The pressure due to my breach of ethics and my overall graft and corruption was just too great," he said in an interview from Las Vegas. "Things are less rigorous here and I'm able to bring my main squeeze Shaha Ali Riza with me. She will work as a cigarette girl on the casino floor."

Meanwhile, the World Bank official who helped negotiate the terms of Wolfowitz's job as bank president two years ago said that Wolfowitz failed to resolve a conflict of interest involving his girlfriend, a bank employee.

Roberto Danino, who was formerly the bank's general counsel, also said that Wolfowitz relied on a series of "half-truths and false statements, apparently designed to mislead the bank's executive board."

Danino was among the many witnesses who met with a committee of the World Bank board to consider the conflict-of-interest charges against Wolfowitz.

The 24-member Bank board is greatly relieved that Wolfowitz resigned and went to Las Vegas, and took his girlfriend with him.

Wolfowitz had helped Riza negotiate a 36 percent pay raise, from $132,600 to $180,000, a salary she collected from the bank even after she left there for a job with the US State Department, positions which Wolfowitz had obtained for her, in addition to the Pentagon job he also landed for her.

But now Wolfowitz is enthusiastic about working in Las Vegas with his mistress.

"Get your game on at the Golden Nugget Casino," barked Wolfowitz. "We know the score. You come to Vegas to play and the Golden Nugget offers you thrills, action and excitement with our exhilarating casino floor. Whatever gets your adrenaline pumping, you're sure to find it on our 38,000 square-feet of sensory jackpot overload!"

"Here we have the best video slots, the best comps and cash back credit, the best blackjack and roulette, and many other games to make you want to gamble, gamble, gamble!" he added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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