U2's Larry Mullen Jr, Noel Gallagher and the Corrs to represent Ireland in Eurovision 2008
Ireland has won the Eurovision song contest a record 7 times but were both humbled and humiliated this time around when the Irish entry 'They cant stop the spring' came last, amassing a grand total of five points thanks to Albania, a nation n...
Read full storyShock as motive for 2005 Aardman fire is revealed!
After filing a request to the Government under the freedom of information act it has been revealed MI5 were behind the 2005 fire at the Aardman Animations warehouse.
Read full storyPro-Cancer Group Announces "Clap For Cancer!" Event
In response to the efforts of 100,000 women in the "Race For Life" cancer research campaign, angry pro-cancer support group "Cancerama" have announced plans for a special retaliatory event named "Clap For Cancer!"...
Read full storyBrown To Get Tough on Terror
Gordon Brown has announced that he is to get tough on terror by awarding police sweeping new powers; for example: extending the current 28 day detention for questioning suspected terrorists to 25 years.
Read full story'Will Putin wear his new penis extension to G8 meeting?' Bush demands to know
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): President Bush is reported to be feeling 'very tetchy' amid CIA reports that Russian president Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin is to wear his newly acquired surgically-attached penis extension for the first time t...
Read full storyJerry Garcia alive and well
Although press and media have reported that the "truckin'" hippy crooner died in 1994, reports are coming in on various sightings around the world.
Read full storyMedia Conglomerates to Replace States in Electoral College
The Senate announced today that it passed a bipartisan Election Reform Bill with unanimous support. The new bill rules that the five biggest international media corporations will replace the fifty states in the electoral college which selects the Un...
Read full story"Real beauty is in the inside" ...NOT!
"Real beauty is on the inside." Well not anymore! Now that doctors can see inside the human body it is all to clear that real beauty must lie elsewhere. Not in the inside!...
Read full storyUK Corrupt Bastards Club stable jockey Fallon up before the Old Bailey on Tuesday
City of London - (Ass mess): Legendary ten times racing champion and UK Corrupt Bastards Club stable jockey Kieren Fallon has a date with destiny this Tuesday when he appears at the Old Bailey, going good to very much The Firm, on race-fixing charges...
Read full storyViva la Revolution?
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Internets - It appears that the revolution against Bush is on via the Internet. Hallpass has released a video on How to Make Thermite, the...
Read full storyScreenwriters Publish Annual List of Morally Safe Stereotypes
The Anonymous Screenwriters Organisation has released its official list of Politically Correct Stereotypes for the 2008 season. President Sam S. Samson said that it is a difficult, but necessary process.
Read full storyAmazonian Tribe fluent in Cockney Rhyming Slang
Scientists and Anhropologists the world over were last night stuned to hear of a previously unheard of Amazonian tribe who were fluent in Cockeny Rhyming Slang, the sublanguage prevalent in London's "east end".
Read full storyBush Educational Program Removes Right to Cheer
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - GALESBURG, Illinois - Five high school students were denied their diplomas because people in the crowd cheered for them as they crossed the stage. This is the latest in atrocities performed by loyal Bush supporters running his...
Read full storySpoof Writer's memoir gives rare glimpse at pickled mind
Toledo, Ohio (Blade Staff Writer) - The autobiography "Born on a Plaid Day: Inside the Extra-Ordinary Mind of an Inebriate Savant" has achieved critical acclaim for its heartfelt depiction of a drunken Spoof Writer's outlook on the worl...
Read full storyBush Surgeon General nominee runs program to "cure" gays
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President Bush has selected Jack Kevorkian to be the next Surgeon General. President Bush believes that Kevorkian's cure is the best cure yet. He intends to have it tested on Mary Cheney.
Read full storyDef Jam Records offers to pickup Paris Hilton's Recording Contract, after Warner Bros. Dumps her
Hollywood, California - Claiming dismal record sales, Paris Hilton, on the eve of her imprisonment, was served with more bad news when Warner Brother Records announced today they would be releasing her from her recording contract with them. Def Jam R...
Read full storyGiuliani Declares "Four More Years!" as Official Campaign Slogan.
NEW YORK - In its most recent press release, the Giuliani camp has announced that it will be using the tag line "Four More Years!" as its primary slogan for the remainder of the 2008 presidential race.
Read full storyNew Clear Footage of the Loch Ness Monster Taken
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - U.K. - New clear footage was taken of the Loch Ness Monster. Lab technician Gordon Holmes, 55, from Shipley, Yorkshire claims to have taken the photos while preparing to film his nude girlfriend standing before the famous Loch...
Read full storyReligious Artefacts - In A Store Near You
The Catholic Church was last night slammed by critics after announcing its plans to make many of its most revered religious artefacts available for purchase in supermarkets the length and breadth of the country.
Read full storyParis Hilton's Prison Cell To Resemble Awesome Club Scene
In a bid to ease the fears of billionaire hotel heiress Paris Hilton, Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced that her cell will be gutted and rebuilt into a hedonistic drunken party.
Read full storyThe Innaugral Axis of Evil Games
The first ever Axis Of Evil games began last night in Tehran, with a stunning opening ceremony that concluded with the burning of the American flag.
Read full storyIncrease in Black Helicopter sightings
As Bertie prepares to lead the Irish people for yet another 5 years, the number of black helicopter sightings in Irish skies has dramatically increased.
Read full storyMiss USA talks of bizarre 'Carlos Castaneda moment'
Mexico City - (Ass Mess): Miss Universe fourth runner up Rachel Smith has spoken for the first time about the 'bizarre Carlos Castaneda moment' in Mexico City last Monday immediately before the inexplicable fall on her ass in front of an esti...
Read full storyBookies offer 4/6 odds on Paris Hilton prison no-show
Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Internet spread betting index Aintgottaprayer.com is offering odds of 6/4ON that peroxide socialite Paris Hilton will fail to show up at Lynwood jail on Tuesday 5 June on some pretext or other.
Read full storyGuerilla War Breaks Out Across America as Ron Paul Supporters Shoot Down Low-Flying Media Mouthpieces
June 3rd, 2007 - Long Island, NY (RouteOutNews) - Late Saturday night, email inboxes of prominent Mass Media Talking Heads melted down in what many in the media described as a stealth attack from Ron Paul "guerilla freedom fight...
Read full storyGone with the Wind Power
Have you ever wondered why windmills all seem to revolve at the same speed? Well, the truth is out at last! A recent study of wind farms has concluded that they use more power than they generate!...
Read full storyUFOs in the skies over Irish airport
Locals were shocked in the Cork airport region as strange lights in the sky baffled local farmers and heavy drinkers in the area last Saturday night.Local cattle were also shocked as cattle mutilaton fears were rife.
Read full storyMadeleine McCann To Be Written into Harry Potter Novel
Missing British 4 year old Madeleine McCann will be hurriedly written into Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows before its release date next month, J.K Rowling has confirmed today.
Read full storyReview: Paul McCartney's Memory Almost Full
APE MUZik - And now the latest on Paul McCartney's newest release on his new recording label with Starbucky's Hear Music.
Read full storyThe Irish Moon Landing
For the last thirtyfive years, a tape has been lying in the bottom drawer in a bedroom in a house in Cork, Ireland.
Read full storyWoolmer Died of Natural Causes- Jamaican Police to Assist in McCann Case
Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer was not murdered but died of sensationally mundane natural causes, it has been revealed by the Home Office Pathologist.
Read full storyPrescott Admitted to Hospital as Japan Intensifies Whaling Threat
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has been admitted to hospital with a suspected infection caused by a harpoon wound after negotiations with Japan broke down today.
Read full storyMajor Supermarket chain found to be selling raw toast!
London AssPress:- A major food outlet is being investigated after claims that raw toast is being sold in all of its branches across the length and breadth of Christendom.
Read full storyPole Awakens From 19 Yr Coma on a Bus in Manchester
A lucky Pole has woken up from a 19-year coma to find the Communist party no longer in power and his staple diet of tea and vinegar no longer on the menu. Ex-railway worker Jan Grzebski,now 65, fell into a coma after he was hit by a train in 1988.
Read full storyQueen sends telegram to TheSpoof.com writer for 100th story!
London AssPress:- A London man was shocked to open his snail mail this morning to find an official Queen telegram, congratulating him upon the event of his having written his 100th story for world renowned satirical sweat shop,
Read full storyGod Spams GOP Online Polls with Live Paul Voters
At last, the real culprit responsible for faking Congressman Ron Paul's staggering online support figures is exposed: It is God himself who is waging an illegitimate, unauthorized war against Republican Party leaders and their pre-selected, boug...
Read full storyBush Addresses CENTCOM
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - In a speech to CENTCOM, released on Whitehouse.gov today, President Bush said,...
Read full storyRon Paul Avatar Elected US President In Second Life
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - A Republican avatar of Congressman Ron Paul has been elected President of the United States in the 3D virtual reality world of Second Life.
Read full storyRock 'n' Roll Marathon marred by Faintings
SAN DIEGO (Union-Tribune Staff Writer) - Three performers collapsed just hours into the 10th Annual San Diego Rock 'n' Roll Marathon in what was initially believed to be a terrorist plot against this southern California Republican Party stron...
Read full storyTop 5 Things Lawyers Learn That Grown Men Shouldn't Know
Below are the top five things lawyers learn from representing clients that grown men shouldn't be allowed to know.
Read full storyGoogle Outbids Microsoft for Dow Jones
In what is perhaps the most astonishing bidding war in corporate history, Google today offered $10 billion for Dow Jones & Company, topping a $7.5 billion bid from Microsoft and earlier bids from Virgin and News Corp...
Read full storyMicrosoft Joins Bidding War for Dow Jones
Minutes after Virgin announced a $6 billion bid for Dow Jones, Microsoft jumped into the fray with a $7.5 billion bid.
Read full storyBush Offends EVERYTHING!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Rose Garden - President Bush, while giving a speech at the Rose Garden, was given a piece of mind by one of the birds of the air. Highly popularized on YouTube, it shows the offending waste falling on President Bush's...
Read full storyVirgin Outbids News Corp. for Dow Jones
Virgin Media started a bidding war for Dow Jones today by offering $6 billion for the company, $1 billion more than previously offered by News Corporation.
Read full storyRudy Giuliani Gets Tough on Crime
Rudy Giuliani released the criminal justice plank of his campaign platform today. Giuliani, a former federal prosecutor, was known for being tough on crime as Mayor of New York City. He pioneered the zero tolerance approach...
Read full storyBarack Obama Launches Fragrance for Fundraising
Barack Obama, a leading Democratic candidate for President in 2008, announced today that he will sell a new cologne to boost his campaign finances.
Read full storyPresident's Brain Found In Mississippi
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Early Sunday morning, Professor Oswald Kempt, of Princeton University, found a jar that appeared to contain some sort of spongy material.
Read full story