Dan the fan

Written by Carlos G

Sunday, 3 June 2007


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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I'm drinkin' Dutch Gold I'm wondering why I
Got out of bed at all
A hundred terriers out my back
And I can't think at all
I see Keano's picture on the wall
And I wonder why,I wonder why
What happened in Taipan
But it's not so bad
Not so bad……...

Dear Slim,
I wrote you when you were in Santa Ponsa
But the hotel rep said you weren't callin
I sent two letters to your gaff in the Glen
Musta bin robbed since you didn't get them
That can happen up there but fuck it......
How's your terriers and five daughters
My oul doll's polled as well,gonna be a father
And if I have a daughter,guess what I'm gonna call her..
How's your Uncle Mossy?I had a friend caught sellin E's also
His name was Sam.By the way did I mention I'm your biggest fan
My room's full of pictures of you,Glasgow Celtic and Man U
Even took down my photo of Cork winning the double
I remain Dan
Your biggest fan.

Dear Slim,
It's a bit fucked up why you don't answer fans
I aint mad
If you didn't want to talk to me outside Blackpool shoppin' centre
You didn't have ta
But you could have signed an autograph for Anto
He's me oul doll's first cousin's second youngest brother
We waited in the lashin' rain
Down by Mc Donalds,Christ we were drenched
You know I got Keano's tattoo on my ass also
You're like my fuckin' idol
But a bit of a langer too, you can be slaughter
Maybe we can be together too
Maybe we oughta
This is your fan with the scam

Dear Slim,
This is the last package I'm ever gonna send ya
I'm tearin' down the link road in my green Nissan Micra
So Mangled from Dutch Gold I can't even talk
Flyin' down Blarney Street, thought I'd get the gawks
I hope you know I ripped Roy's and yours picture off my walls
Shut up bitch I'm tryin' to find my foot
That's my favourite terrier,Suzy,locked up in the boot
I'm nearly at North Gate Bridge now
How am I going to send this out?

Dear Dan,
I really meant to write you sooner before this
But I went out huntin' with the lads then on the piss
I'm delighted your callin' your daughter Immaculatta
She'll end up like my one .....Everybody fla'n her
But Dan you're really a bit fucked in the head
What's this about tryin' to get me to bed
Sorry I missed you in Blackpool
I was down getting Royal Dutch and a quick game of pool
I don't want to see you do any crazy shit
Last week Prenderville said some langer drove his car over North Gate bridge
Two slabs of Dutch Gold,terrier in the boot
In the car they found a tape
But did not know who it was to
Wait a minute ya langer........
It was you..

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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