Written by carina-eta

Sunday, 3 June 2007


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Woolmer Died of Natural Causes- Jamaican Police to Assist in McCann Case
Fire? Another possible cause of Woolmer death

Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer was not murdered but died of sensationally mundane natural causes, it has been revealed by the Home Office Pathologist.

Following several theories as to Mr Woolmer's untimely death including, cricket Mafia contract killing, poisoning, strangulation, death by machete, being hit from a great height by an anvil and death by chocolate the Jamaican Police have admitted that no murder took place whatsoever.

The evidence of any wrongdoing simply didn't exist - there was no sign of forced entry, no indication of a struggle and no bruising on Mr Woolmer's neck, no poison in his system, no one appeared on CCTV footage of his door and no anvil or chocolate was found at the scene.

Last month, the post mortem examination file and photographs were sent to Home Office pathologist Dr Nat Carey in London. He is understood to have concluded that Mr Woolmer died of natural causes.

Despite this being a highly embarrassing episode for the Jamaican Police they have been called to assist the Portuguese police in their investigation into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

A Portuguese officer commented, "We bow to superior force in Jamaica and ask them to help us produce some leads, if they can find murder where none exists, perhaps they can conjure child from thin air?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more