Written by Salsero Blanco

Sunday, 3 June 2007

image for Giuliani Declares "Four More Years!" as Official Campaign Slogan.
Giuliani wishes Bush could stay for 3rd term

NEW YORK - In its most recent press release, the Giuliani camp has announced that it will be using the tag line "Four More Years!" as its primary slogan for the remainder of the 2008 presidential race.

"It sums up what Rudy is all about while also providing voters with a quick answer to their most common questions." explained Campaign Chairman Patrick Oxford. "When people ask what we are going to do about Iraq, we can tell them, 'Four More Years!' When can they expect to see any sort of progress rebuilding New Orleans? We say, 'Four more years!' How long until the government installs complete surveillance on every form of communication by every American Citizen? Well, you get the idea. It's all very exciting."

The Giuliani folks said they are hoping to leverage the soaring morale of the American people and the overwhelming successes of the Bush administration. They believe that Americans would really like to keep Bush for another term, but given the Constitutional limits on presidential terms, Giuliani is the next best thing.

"After September 11th, America needed a leader like George Bush in the White House." exclaimed Giuliani. "We needed a the kind of visionary who, in the shadow of the greatest terrorist attack on this country's soil, would step out onto the field at Yankee Stadium during Game 3 of the World Series, give the people a 'thumbs up' and throw a strike. I want people to know that when the next terrorist strike comes, my thumb will be up, and I, too, will throw a strike."

Giuliani's handlers said the American people aren't ready for someone like Ron Paul whose foreign policy decisions, while probably more effective, would involve taking time to study past failed policies. Instead, the American people prefer a foreign policy based more on waving flags and displaying vague, patriotic bumper stickers.

"Blowback?" said Oxford "Seriously, who is going to put a bumper sticker on his car that says that?"

When asked who came up with the new slogan, Oxford admitted it was actually Giuliani himself. He explained that given the way both the liberal and conservative media fawn over him and the $9 million in speaking engagements that Giuliani has earned since 9/11, the former New York City mayor occasionally forgets that he is not already the actual president. Oxford believes it is an easy mistake.

He said, "Given everything Mr. Giuliani has done to hunt down Osama bin Laden, to discourage Al-Qaeda's recruiting efforts worldwide and to improve respect for America around the world, it's easy to see how Rudy could put himself on the same pedestal as a heroic historical figure like George W. Bush."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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