CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President Bush has selected Jack Kevorkian to be the next Surgeon General. President Bush believes that Kevorkian's cure is the best cure yet. He intends to have it tested on Mary Cheney.
"If that cures 'er," said Bush, "we'll begin roundin' up them pansies an' puttin' 'em in concentrashun camps until they get the 'cure.' I have absolute confidence in mah compadre, the docktur guy. He'll either cure 'em or kill 'em. Either way's fine with me. After that, I hear he has a cure fer Democarts."
The White House was skeptical as to whether President Bush could get Kevorkian through the confirmation process.
"Don't ya' remember? I signed that National Continuity Policy inta' law. (see National Continuity Policy) I kin do purty much whatever ah want, including have gay kinky sex with Tony Blair. I'm the decider. I'm a dicktaturship... I mean, I'm the dicktatur guy. I make thuh decisions," said Bush.
President Bush now has Dr. Kevorkian working on a new project, how to cure Ron Paul. "If he doesn't find a cure soon, I'll just have to declare him a disruption severely affecting the U.S. population, infrastructure, environment, economy, or government functions. Mah boys have a real nice place for him in Guantanamo."