Billy Bob on the Russians

Written by Cal Jennings

Wednesday, 13 June 2007


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This here's Billy Bob agin. Ah been heerin on thuh grapevine that are feerless dicktatur is fixin' ta' attak Russia. I shore am proud of our dicktatur. He don't take nuthin' offa nobody. Good ol' George.

Hey Russians, ya' want World War III? Bring it on! A little radiashun never hurt nobody. Hail, we get radiashun frum thuh son, or so I've been told. I ain't skared of a little nucular fallout.

Me an' thuh boyz wuz meetin' down at thuh beer joint where thuh lodge meets and they says we outa nuke the hell outa them bastards! Buncha damn reds, carryin' around those hammers and sickles. Whata they think there gonna hurt with them thangs?

Hail, them Russians steal yer babies an' eat 'em, then they rape yer womenfolk. Hail, Betty Jean Sue done has enuf courters without that! They NEED ta be wiped off thuh face of thuh Earth!

Russia tested new missiles Tuesday that one a them Kremlin officials was boastin about. That commie said it could penetrate any defense system, and that Commie President Vladimir Putin warned that Bush's plans for a anti-missile shield in Europe would turn the region into a "powder keg." Boy, that's one powder keg I'd like ta light! Remember the Alamo! Remember 9/11! Ya KNOW the commie bastards were behind 'em both! They's been tryin ta fool us.

Brother John Birch TOLD us that we gotta watch out fer commies everywhere we go. Some of 'em might be in are own goverment. I'll bet half them Democarts is just Commies waitin' ta take over when them RUSSian fellers arive with thar machine guns. I KNOW that RON PAUL feller is a commie. He's makin' a mess of the NRNC. He's tryin' ta set Republicans back 40 yares like when Goldfinger ran fer president in the 1964 election. He wuz won uh them Liberaltariens two!

President George Walker Bush went to visit them commies recuntly, an' them damn commies called him an imperialist dictator of the Third Reich. Everbody but them stupid Russians knows that he's the dictatur of the Fourth Reich. How stupid can them Russians be?

I think them Russians put a spy in thuh John Birch Society. I jest red an article by thuh John Birch Society's Nashunal Spokesman on Trade Policy, that commie Jim Capo, an' he wuz criticizin Giuliani, Hannity and Malkin. He said Ron Paul wuz gonna drop a bomb on 'em. He tried to say are glorius Empire has no clothes! Damn Commie's probubly a hippie too.

How the heck are we gonna build a Evil Empire with thuh gold standard in place? Heck, counterfittin' is whar ah git half mah yearly income.

Anyway, ah got ta git back to thuh still. Like my granpappy used ta say, "A job worth doin is uh penny earned."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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