Rod has piles
Rod Stewart announced today that he has had piles for most of his life. Opening up in a candid interview with Viz magazine Rod (57) said this was the reason for the way he stood on stage and wasn't his way of alluring the opposite sex.
Read full storyBenefit Starved Americans Converting to Iraqi Citizenship
HogWashingdung D.C. - Americans in increasing numbers are packing up and leaving the United States and heading off to Iraq in order to cash in on benefits no longer available to them at home.
Read full storyMitt Romney gets campaign contribution from Chinese Wheat Gluten industry for his National Lampoon's 'Vacation' style road trip
Salt Lake City, Utah - Upon hearing the news of Republican Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney's National Lampoon's 'Vacation' style 12-hour road trip with his dog, Seamus, in a kennel tied to the roof of the family station wagon, rep...
Read full storyGermany Surrenders To Scientologists
GERMANY (Babelsberg) -- Deutschland today finally and unconditionally surrendered to the Scientologists.. "They are out of this world," said Reichstag mouth Klaus Brandauer, "and Germany looks to the future."...
Read full storySouthern State of Georgia to Imprison Everybody
Atlanta, Georgia - Georgia Governor Sonny Shitler announced today that the state of Georgia will imprison everybody with the exception of members of the police state and politicians.
Read full storyNazi grave discovered under Buckingham Palace
London - (Rotters): Thousands of Nazi uniforms, guns and body parts of suspected SS officers have been discovered under Buckingham Palace after workmen repairing crumbling masonry were forced to dig up a decrepid old drainage system.
Read full storySecrets of Numerology Revealed
Forget about astrology, biorhythms, tarot cards, palm reading, crystal-gazing, tea-leaf reading, feng shui, phrenology, the US Meteorological Service and examining the entrails of a freshly-killed goose.
Read full storyPorno star to testify in cash-for-honors against Blair
London - (Ass Mess): Californian porno star Courtney Coventry has agreed to a plea bargain where she will testify against Tony Blair in the cash-for-porno stars -and-peerages enquiry.
Read full story9-11 Was Originally Planned For 7-11
Jersey City, NJ - It has been learned that 9-11 was originally planned for 7-11 but for obvious reasons involving the job security of millions of Pakistani-Americans who work for the 7-11 chain it was decided by the Taliban that 9-11 would have to d...
Read full storyCondi Rice will declare White House running plans on July 4th
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Condoleezza Rice is set to declare herself a Presidential candidate for the 2008 elections on July 4th, Independence Day according to DC sources.
Read full storyAishwarya Rai decries "Fair and Handsome" skin whitening cream
Mumbai - (Ass Mess): Living goddess and Bollywood movie queen Aishwarya Rai has joined in the criticism of a new wonder product that bleaches dark Asian skin.
Read full storyOswald 'had no time to fire all JFK bullets' : report
Italy - (Rioters): New forensic evidence from Italy has shown JKF assassin Lee Harvey Oswald could not have acted alone because Dick Cheney and George W Bush were seen that very afternoon giving him ammunition and actual rifle attributed to the killi...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden to Run for U.S. President
Atlanta, Georgia - Osama Bin Laden has announced that he will run for President of the United States of America. He will run as a Republican and Newt Gingrich will be his running mate.
Read full storyCheney abused power in Whore on Terra and ordered hitman to take out Fitzie
Washington DC - (Fetid Bastards Press): Vice-President Dick Cheney is personally responsible for US policies subjecting suspects to cruelty and denial of due process according to new CIA evidence showing he hired a hitman to take out Special Prosecut...
Read full storyNeocons Can't Count Past 600
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Iowa - Yesterday, Ron Paul had over 1000 supporters show up for his gathering in Iowa. It was reported that "over 600" people attended the gathering. This was because the reporter was a Neocon Nazi Republican and ev...
Read full storyTerrorists try to light themselves up in an enclosed space
Scotland ahead of England with the smoking ban demonstrated yesterday their security measures put in place to deal with people lighting up in enclosed spaces.
Read full story'Floods are God's judgment on UK' says Pat Robertson
West Virginia Beach - (Ass Mess) The Reverend Pat Robertson has cancelled a visit to the UK and blamed the summer floods there on abortions, gay marriage, cannabis downgrading and godless inter-racial breeding run riot.
Read full storySaggy buttocks blamed as Agent Provocateur dumps Kate Moss
London - (Ass Mess): Lingerie retailer Agent Provocateur has said it has dumped model Kate Moss after one of her saggy buttocks fell off this weekend following too much non-nasal cocaine intake.
Read full storyBush/Blair Wedding Delayed Again!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New World Earth - The Bush/Blair wedding was delayed once again because of the concert for Diana in London where Sir Elton John performed.
Read full storyChina finds secret John the Baptist tomb chamber
Beijing - (Ass Mess): Chinese archaeologists are cock-a-hoop at finding a mysterious underground chamber inside an ancient imperial tomb guarded by the famous Terracotta Army which they believe holds the remains of New Testament hero John the Baptist...
Read full storyGorbachev's daughter JK Rowling is top Glasgow terror suspect
Glasgow - (Rotters): Glasgow police have said they are confident that the five terror suspects arrested for this weekend's bombing attempts all work for Mikhail Gorbachev's bastard daughter JK Rowling.
Read full storyCal-el Mourns Death of Superhero Friend Captain Marvel
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ripley, WV - Superhero Cal-el mourned the death of fellow Superhero Captain Marvel today by standing in the microwave. He then placed a wreath on Captain Marvel's grave. Captain Marvel was assassinated when he was headed...
Read full storyJonathan Ross blames Harry's erection on Fearne Cotton interview fiasco
London - (Ass Mess): BBC presenter Jonathan Ross has blamed awkward scenes in Fearne Cotton's TV interview with the young princes (sic) on Harry suddenly developing an erection in the middle of the interview "because as everybody knows Har...
Read full storyCherie: "Proof that I am not bonkers"
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster's wife Cherie Blair has wept openly on a TV documentary to be broadcast in the UK on July 4th and stated categorically "I am not bonkers."...
Read full story"Proof that I am not bonkers!" says Cherie
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster's wife Cherie Blair has wept openly on a TV documentary to be broadcast in the UK on July 4th and stated categorically "I am not bonkers." In the 60 minute vanity piece Cherie told presenter Fiona Bruce: "...
Read full storySkunks Hire New Publicity Agent
"Skunks have a bad reputation. People run from them. No one wants to pet one, or have one as a pet. Bad smells are either blamed on them or compared to them. This is the result of bad pubicity," said former Warner Brothers Cartoon Star...
Read full storyMany Couples Seek Lucky Day by Marrying on 7-7-7
Many couples will flock to churches across the world, seeking to have July 7th, 2007 (also written as 07-07-07) as their "lucky" day. Others will rush to Vegas, Reno, and Atlantic city, hoping to strike it rich if the numbers and luck fall...
Read full storyUtah Legislature To Outlaw Skank Clothing
The Utah State legislature voted unanimously to outlaw the "skank" uniform in all public schools and in public places. Effective September First, it will be punishable by a fine (escalating amounts for repeat offenders) to wear certain ite...
Read full storyFamous spoof writer gets stuck in Vagina
Los Angeles (the streets of Hollywood): Buck E Filbert, infamous writer for TheSpoof.com, is entangled in a really messy controversy this time. The notorious "Vagina" writer, who was the topic of many contr...
Read full storyJonathan Ross In Prince Harry Wanking Scandal
BBC presenter Jonathan Ross is back in the hot water for his apparent fixation with male masturbation.
Read full storyViagara Use Leads to Hand Cramps and Arm Injuries - or - How Aphrodisiacs Can Lead to Blindness and other Injuries
Viagara Falls, North Carolina - Emergency rooms have reported a large increase in the amount of severe hand cramp injuries and sore shoulders among men using Viagara. They were surprised to find that married men were suffering these injuries at a m...
Read full storyHarry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Answers Mysteries of Series
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows answers several of the mysteries and questions asked by the other books and movies. In a sneak peek of the newest best seller, this publication learned that several things will be cleared up in the final volume.
Read full storyArizona Highway Patrol in High Speed Chase with Weinermobile
Arizona State Troopers were involved in a high speed chase yesterday through the streets and freeways of Tucson trying to catch the elusive "Weinermobile." The 27 foot long, 11 foot high, hot dog shaped promotional vehicle managed to avoid...
Read full storyTen Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Drink beer from a ladies boot in the wind...
Read full storyAl Qaida To Begin Drug Testing Program For Members
Islamabad - Al Qaida has announced that it will require drug testing for anyone who wants to join its organization. This move came after Al Qaida joined the Partnership For A Drugged Up Work Place.
Read full storyHome Secretary "In The Dark" Over Terrorist Atrocities
The new Home Secretary Jacqui Smith claims PM Gordon Brown kept her completely in the dark about the latest terrorist plots against the UK.
Read full storyJessica Simpson Drops Twenty Pounds in Dramatic Weight Loss
Actress and Hollywood personality Jessica Simpson has lost twenty pounds and is looking fit, trim, hot, and happy. The blonde bombshell is also smiling again for the first time since a recent break-up with a former boy toy. When asked how she man...
Read full storyJordan and Peter Drop Another Sprog
Massive breasted Jordan aka Katie Price and Peter Andre aka Aussie Twat have exclaimed their joy at the second welcome edition to their family this week, with the birth of daughter "Chlamydia Crystal Moondog Bush Tucker Trial".
Read full storyBarry Bonds Breaks Another Record
More records have fallen to San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds in his attempt to pass Hank Aaron's home run record. At this writing, Bonds is still five short of tying that record at 755. Other records have come his way in his past few gam...
Read full storyEvander Holyfield Wins Unanimous Decision on Comeback
Former heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield won a unanimous ten round decision over opponent Lou Savarese to continue his comeback in boxing. Evander hopes to become heavyweight champ for a record fifth time and to unify all of the various...
Read full storyMasturbating does NOT Make You Blind
A report today challenges the notion that excessive self-abuse can affect your eyesight.
Read full storyIncredible Hulk Angered At Losing Wimbledon Tickets
David Banner, aka The Incredible Hulk was today almost reaching Critical Mass as news came in that he had lost out on his prized Wimbledon tickets following bad weather and a drunken session with other Marvel heroes.
Read full storyLate Night Shoppers Deemed Gay
People who shop after 11pm at 24 hour supermarkets are more than likely a gay. A recent study, conducted at the 24 hour Asda in Great Bridge found that 60% of all shoppers in store were either bi-curious or full blown homosexual.
Read full storySmoking Ban Heralds Dawn of Government Control
A smoking ban came in force at 6am, 1st of July 2007, and already has been the subject of discussion up and down the UK.
Read full storyFoetus Served With ASBO While in Utero
A 12 week old foetus, despite being in the confines of it's mothers womb, has sensationally been served with an ASBO this week.
Read full storyWannabee Terrorist Craze Sweeps The U.K
A new craze is sweeping the U.K in the wake of the worlds war on terror. It seems that Britain's disaffected youth wants to get in on the act in a amateur capacity.
Read full storyAnn Coulter to undergo surgery to have foot removed from mouth; GOP speechless
Washington, D.C. - The outspoken conservative columnist, Ann Coulter, was unexpectedly rushed to the hospital early this morning when she woke up to find her foot was still stuck in her mouth and could not remove it. She was discovered in her bed thi...
Read full storyL.A. Police To Use New Breed Of Officer
(MUSICMAN PRESS) L.A.P.D. has make known that thirty-five new officers graduated from Officer Training Camp last week. However, these thirty-five are like no other officer on the force-they're monkeys.
Read full storyMiss Piggy Finds Long-Lost Sister
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Longtime celebrity, and out-spoken American icon Miss Piggy, has unveiled startling news.
Read full storyN.Y. Man Break Record For Most Static-Electricity
(MUSICMAN PRESS) A New York City man will attempt to break the world record of 546,218,762,484,631.851 volts of static electricity. Herald "The Hair Man" Harrison said he would attempt the stunt on Saturday, at around 7:45PM Eastern Standar...
Read full storyWho's Been Stalking Bill Gates?
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Software entrepreneur and mega-billionaire, Bill Gates, apparently has been admired by a Seattle woman. Police were summoned to the Medina, WA estate of Mr. and Mrs. William Henry Gates III, last night at 1:41AM. Gates said he awoke...
Read full storyKim Jung Il To Nuke What?
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Reports smuggled out of North Korea indicate that the dictator, Kim Jong Ill may have bitten off more than he can chew. Mr. Wang Chang Chow, long-time news correspondent for Kim's state-run People's News, delivered the messag...
Read full storyStudy Finds TheSpoof.com Readers Have Higher IQs
(MUSICMAN PRESS) A new study by Hampton Professor Patty Jones, found that Spoof readers on average have a higher IQ than persons who do not read TheSpoof.com. The study consisted of 250 TheSpoof.com readers 300 non-readers and 50 persons who write fo...
Read full storyWal-Mart Endorses New Light Bulbs
In an effort to reduce energy inefficiency and slow down global warming, Wal-Mart has announced a plan to push yet another change in consumers' lighting options. Already the new flourescent bulbs launched last year are obsolete even though they are...
Read full storyBikini Bottom Experiences Increase in Land Developement
Bikini Bottom, the site of hit show Spongebob Squarepants is expanding rapidly after fans decide to pack up and move in. Eugene Krabbs is the developer and future owner of Krabby Kondos. The complex will feature three buildings with six apartments...
Read full storyCongress Reforms Illegal Immigration!
(Washington) - Following on the heels of the monumental failure of Congress to pass any illegal immigration reform, The U.S. Congress and executive branch yesterday decided instead to rename the problem and make believe it doesn't exist.
Read full storyFraternal Order of Police Dogs Condemns Romney
The Fraternal Order of Police Dogs (FOPD) has issued a statement condemning Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney's decision to place the family pet, an Irish Setter with the unfortunate moniker 'Seamus' in a dog carry kennel atop...
Read full storyBreaking Laptop Screen Causes Bad Luck
Granted, it is common knowledge that the penalty for breaking a mirror is seven years of bad luck. Many people, however, are unaware of the sanctions which will be imposed for other offenses, especially those which have their etiology in the digital...
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