A report today challenges the notion that excessive self-abuse can affect your eyesight.
Mr Konstantine Pullinmeov, of the National Board Of Flaggelators, Fettlers and Five-Knuckle Shufflers has submitted his findings to a panel of independant anti-bellringers in Brussels.
The NBFFF has for many years campaigned for the awareness of the benefits of regular "clearing of the pipes", and has often protested for public pleasuring to be made legal. The 80 page report highlights masturbation through history, and dismisses the old adage of "Wank Blindness".
When asked for further proof, Mr Pullinmeov was seen to talk to a coat-stand for 15 minutes before being physically turned towards the panel by an embarrassed colleague.
