9-11 Was Originally Planned For 7-11

Sunday, 1 July 2007

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Jersey City, NJ - It has been learned that 9-11 was originally planned for 7-11 but for obvious reasons involving the job security of millions of Pakistani-Americans who work for the 7-11 chain it was decided by the Taliban that 9-11 would have to do.

In a Pakistani accent Abdul Itskool spoke to reporters as they sipped on ice cold slurpees in the hot July sun, "welcome to my establisment, boss and how may I be to be helping you to a pack of parleemeng (sic) lite?" he gently asked as he began to explain how the date of 7-11 was rejected as the attack date on the twin towers. He also shed light on the fact that originally yellow cabs were going to be used as the vehicles of destruction but that too would have put the livelihoods of many of his brethren in jeopardy. Also it was discovered that these drivers only wanted to learn how to drive in forward gear and not to learn how to drive in reverse or parallel park and too many dots were being connected too soon.

When asked how a backward country of savages living in caves like Pakistan could have ever put together a nuclear weapon he answered that it all had come about quite by accident. It seems that a malfunctioning slurpee machine had been sent to his country for duplication and when it was plugged into an outlet of 220 volts instead of the 110 volts that the machine required that a melt down process had been thrown into motion and luckily the cold slurpee mix inside had cooled it down and thus allowed Pakistani scientists to stumble onto the secret of nuclear cold fusion.

He was about to give reporters a hot tip on when and where the next attack would occur but unfortunately his bathroom was out of order and he said he was in a hurry to put on his Hare Krishna outfit and grab his box of curry incense as he rushed off to the airport to collect spare change from the giant throngs of 4th of July travelers who would pay him anything as long as he would agree not to light up that incense.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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