Jussie Smollett In Second Racist And Homophobic Attack
Jussie Smollett, the former actor who used to star in 'Empire' before an alleged racist and homophobic attack left him scared to tell the truth, has suffered a second racist and homophobic attack, which was every bit as terrifying - if not more - tha...
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Boris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend
The new Tory leader-elect, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, has had a steaming, great fucking row with his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, at her London home, say neighbours. Johnson and Symonds were said to be arguing like 'cat and dog' during the...
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Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul
Police have made a drugs bust in the northern port city of Hull, and believe they may have smashed a vital cog in the distribution of narcotics in East Yorkshire. A 24-year-old man riding a decrepit, old bicycle through the Orchard Park council es...
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Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found
ASPEN - Hunter S. Thompson, who fatally shot himself at his Colorado home Sunday night, left behind a 352-page suicide note, say Aspen police. According to the note, which will be published in book form by Rolling Stone early next week, Thomps...
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Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman
An uneasy feeling permeated the squad room as half a dozen or so officers waited for Chief Backoff's appearance. They knew the Chief's reprimand would be harsh, biting and very personal. After all, the shooting of a nude woman had never occurred here before. And two of the three cops who pulled the triggers were in the room. Abruptly the squad room door banged open and Chief Backoff barreled i...
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"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"
A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...
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Jersey Horror Dig Strikes Oil
Santa Claus Implicated In Drone Row
What a load of rubbish - Bin police indeed!
Police Squad Trucks To 'Take Out' Vehicles Whose Drivers Are On Their Mobile Phones
Health officials warn "Toblerone in a fridge" is a lethal weapon
New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks
Missouri Cops Sent to Sesame Street
Chief Inspector Derek Conway character in ITV's "The Bill" in tatters
P2 Lodge gathers for Hitler's daughter's 80th birthday bash
Kristen Stewart In Trouble With L.A. Police Department
Julian Assange Has Escaped From Custody
Disadvantaged young offenders given computer crime tips
Shopping centre evacuated after spillage
A busy shopping centre was evacuated after a water spillage occurred inside. The spillage is thought to have started on the ground floor of Wilkinson in The Pentagon Shopping Centre in Chatham, Kent at 5:30pm while a janitor was cleaning the floor...
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London City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman
A city gent in a pin-striped suit and a bowler hat, carrying a walking-stick, has been accused of sexual harassment, after he tipped his hat to a woman in a London street. Thomas Middleton-Markham, 56, of city stockbroker firm Grabbit and Quickly,...
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Russia Is Behind Gatwick Drones
The police investigation into the unauthorised drone activity at Gatwick Airport went 'two steps back' today, when a man and a woman arrested on Saturday were released without charge. Russia has emerged as the new suspect. The drone, which was...
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Man Caught Urinating In Gent's Public Toilets
Police were called to an incident at Paddington Station in London at the weekend, when a 28-year-old man was arrested for urinating in a public place - the Gentlemen's conveniences located on Platform 1. Guy Court, 28, was apprehended shortly afte...
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Bikini Babes Stage "Pro Police Protest" At Florida Golf Club
Holding signs saying "Cops are hot" and "Cops do it better" local bikini babes swarmed the "Flamingo and the Raven Golf Club" in Sundown Florida. About 100 of the hottest chicks in south Florida attended the bikini and thong protest to show their su...
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Same old Nazi Tories police conference warns
Bournenmouth - The Tories want 'revenge' on the police for the 1993 humiliation of 'pervs' like Prime Monster John Major a police conference heard today. Delegates were warned that the Conservatives, previously dubbed the nasty/Nazi party, were fo...
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Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder
Police supervising a TV documentary murder reconstruction of an unsolved slaying that happened 20 years ago, have egg on their faces this evening, after a second murder took place in exactly the same manner as the first one. In Epsom, back in 199...
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Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police
Liam Neeson, the Hollywood actor superstar, the veteran of more than a hundred movies, and Oscar-nominee for his latest film 'Cold Pursuit', has announced his intention to quit the silver screen, and to join the police force. Neeson, 66, said that...
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Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol
Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...
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Young Man's Death Deemed Non-Tragic Suicide
After 22-year-old Jake Pruitt of Queens, New York, was found dead in his bathtub, his wrists slit and bloody, police officers officially deemed his death a non-tragic suicide. "He really didn't have much going for him," said New York Police Chief...
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Ransom Notes to The Editor
Dear Sir, You are probably wondering what has become of your editor, Mr Lowton, as he has not been seen in your offices since last Thursday. The answer is simple: Your editor has been kidnapped, and is currently being held to ransom. He was taken by me during his lunch break, when he had popped out (as was his custom) to buy a sandwich from Greggs The Bakers across the road. I have been...
Read full storyFunny Police Headlines
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Wave of Fast-Food Mascot Serial Murders Has Police Baffled
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Drug-Sniffing Dog Hits Jackpot First Time Out!
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Yates of the Yard denies hanky-panky between the Met and the News of the World
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Police Hire Sharks to Halt Drug Traffic
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Nude New Yorker At McDonalds Not Doing Well
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Left Wingers To Help NRA & Gun Makers
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Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime
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Prince Philip Arrested Again
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Jussie Smollett claims he was assaulted by Chicago PD
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Police admit facial recognition system ‘does not recognise thieves’
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NY Cops hold Brit Nanny
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'Twas The Night Before Christmas 2009
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Headless Body Pronounced Dead
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Nottingham News for W/E: 29th April 2012
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Selected Nottingham News for W/E 16th Sept 2012 + comments
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Derek Acorah arrested as part of operation Yo-Yo
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Justin Bieber Falsely Accused Of Drag Racing
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Burgled Tybee Man Calls Police and Orders Pizza - Pizza Arrives First
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Trump Issues Executive Order Forming "The Comedy Police"
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Murder Mystery In Country House Has Police Baffled
