Police Spoof News

30 May 2020

Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found

ASPEN - Hunter S. Thompson, who fatally shot himself at his Colorado home Sunday night, left behind a 352-page suicide note, say Aspen police. According to the note, which will be published in book form by Rolling Stone early next week, Thomps...

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Police criticised for arresting celebrity who beat up his girlfriend

Social media users attacked a decision by police to arrest Norbert Willy, the host of reality television show “Let’s Do Lots of Fucking in Public”, for beating up his girlfriend Mandy. Mandy had telephoned emergency services, complaining that her...

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El Chapo's Sons in Gun Battle During 'Take Your Child to Work Day'

Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman was spotted beaming with pride yesterday, when his four sons fought an hours-long gun battle with Mexican police during the annual 'Take Your Child To Work Day'. The gun battle left 13 people dead and scores injured, in Sin...

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Tommy Vercetti Arrested

After a crime spree which lasted nearly two hours and raged all the way from Washington Beach to just outside of the Ammu-Nation shop in Downtown, Tommy Vercetti was apprehended by the Vice City police department earlier today.

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David Beckham's Son Wanted By Cops

When it comes down to newsworthy sports stars, they don't come much bigger than former Manchester United, Real Madrid and England footballer, David Beckham, but the international playboy is in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons this evening, as...

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Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...

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"It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl

Customer Refuses To Pay Restaurant Tab Based On Personal Conviction - "I don't believe in the existence of a cook."

Prince Philip Arrested Again

Pick Me Up Before You Sex Offend

Man has sex sessions with own wife

Jussie Smollett In Second Racist And Homophobic Attack

Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul

Three SWAT Teams Raid Justin Bieber's Mansion

Free 'Bong Hits 4 Jesus' bumper stickers annoy drivers

Shopping centre evacuated after spillage

Man Caught Urinating In Gent's Public Toilets

Police Baffled By 'The Worthing Code' - Not Sure If It's All About Sex, Drugs, Or What!

New York officials investigating 'Walking Dead' Zombie stunt!

Authorities in New York said a marketing company did not have permission to promote "The Walking Dead" by hiding "zombies" in a subway grate. "Those people need to lighten up a bit. It was just an ad for the new show. Do they think that the peopl...

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Santa Claus Implicated In Drone Row

Santa Claus and his reindeers are the latest suspects in the Gatwick Airport Drone Row that threatens to drag on and on and on and on and on, simply because the inept British police force haven't got a clue as to how to root out the amateur flyers re...

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Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder

Police supervising a TV documentary murder reconstruction of an unsolved slaying that happened 20 years ago, have egg on their faces this evening, after a second murder took place in exactly the same manner as the first one. In Epsom, back in 199...

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Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered...

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Hero Broward Sheriff's Deputies Pull Over Old Lady

Four sheriff deputies have emotionally recalled the terrifying moment they surrounded a vehicle driven by 85-year old Mable Gosling who had failed to indicate a left turn after exiting a shopping mall about 10 miles from where an armed robbery was in...

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Boris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend

The new Tory leader-elect, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, has had a steaming, great fucking row with his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, at her London home, say neighbours. Johnson and Symonds were said to be arguing like 'cat and dog' during the...

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Seven day catch up

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The Drone Wars

UK police have announced a new weapon in the war on “people being a bit of a pain”, with the formation of a new crack drone unit. The unit's primary goal will be to combat the threat posed by the odd drone flying over Heathrow, but will probably...

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Police Car Chase Was Strictly In Accordance With Traffic Laws

A police car involved in a daring high-speed chase with another car that had been stolen by criminals last night, was driven completely in accordance with the rules of the road, as specified within the UK Traffic Laws. The 'chase', in Peckham, Lon...

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Racial Filing Suspected in Cardiac Arrests

Highlighting the dramatically higher incidents of cardiac arrest among African-Americans, a report published by the ACLU posits that racial profiling may be at play - specifically, the ACLU speculates that police officers are disproportionately targe...

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Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Richard Puttup-Yur Dukes, allegedly an All-Tuna, Pennsylvania, man was allegedly arrested for alleged cruelty to animals after he allegedly punched a police officer in the face. The officer was allegedly responding to a call concerning Dukes's all...

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Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals

North Yorkshire Police have apologised for providing "too much detail" in a description of a man who performed a sex act in front of a woman in York. The force had said it was looking for a "fat, naked man" and described his sexual organs explicitly...

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Police Facial Recognition Technique Plans Doomed To Failure

The Metroploitan Police have announced that they will use facial recognition cameras on London streets later this year, to identify and catch people suspected of having committed crimes, but, claims a bloke who knows what he's on about, the plan is d...

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'Heartless' thief steals Disability Scooter

A heartless thief broke into the property of locally named Spack McCrackin, in Cradley Heath, West Midlands, and 'fled' on the £2,000 machine. Det Con Stirling Moss said: "This is a very upsetting case as one person's thoughtless crime as left the...

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Ronald McDonald Arrested!

McDonalds frontman Ronald McDonald was arrested today after police caught him in the middle of a lewd act in the toilet of a McDonalds restaurant.

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