Police Spoof News

22 March 2019

Cat Attack Caught On Video

A series of incidents in Denver involving a seemingly deranged cat is a step nearer to being solved tonight, after yet another unprovoked attack on a young child was caught on video. The cat, a black one, apparently lays in wait in bushes or long...

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Jussie Smollett claims he was assaulted by Chicago PD

Chicago, IL - Jussie Smollett, the disgraced ‘Empire’ actor, has now claimed that while he was in Chicago PD custody, he was brutally assaulted and left smelling of hazelnuts. Smollett was released on $100,000.00 bail and immediately related hi...

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Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police

Liam Neeson, the Hollywood actor superstar, the veteran of more than a hundred movies, and Oscar-nominee for his latest film 'Cold Pursuit', has announced his intention to quit the silver screen, and to join the police force. Neeson, 66, said that...

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Trump Issues Executive Order Forming "The Comedy Police"

President Trump today went before the cameras in the White House to announce a new police strike force. He claims its main purpose will be to defend him against collusion between the left and SNL. "Today I'm taking action against factions who wou...

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Nottingham's Goose Fair Opens

Police admit 'Murderers are not rational'

Comical Ali in Jamaica

New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks

10 year old girl arrested after drawing hopscotch grid on the pavement outside her home

Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals

Fat Man Steals 20 bottles of whiskey from Liquor store!

Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Racial Filing Suspected in Cardiac Arrests

Police dogs to replace Community Officers

BigMart Greeter Roughed Up

Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman

London City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman

A city gent in a pin-striped suit and a bowler hat, carrying a walking-stick, has been accused of sexual harassment, after he tipped his hat to a woman in a London street. Thomas Middleton-Markham, 56, of city stockbroker firm Grabbit and Quickly,...

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Blame it on Buckfast

Police in Scotland are blaming all crime on Buckfast. Buckfast tonic wine is made by the monks of Buckfast Abbey but they dispute that their wine is the cause off all crime in Scotland. Sergeant Roger MacPherson of Strathclyde Police said that whe...

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Russia Is Behind Gatwick Drones

The police investigation into the unauthorised drone activity at Gatwick Airport went 'two steps back' today, when a man and a woman arrested on Saturday were released without charge. Russia has emerged as the new suspect. The drone, which was...

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Police Car Chase Was Strictly In Accordance With Traffic Laws

A police car involved in a daring high-speed chase with another car that had been stolen by criminals last night, was driven completely in accordance with the rules of the road, as specified within the UK Traffic Laws. The 'chase', in Peckham, Lon...

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Man has sex sessions with own wife

Police are probing the alleged cover-up of a man suspected of having sex with his own wife for more than thirty years. Special constables have received reports that Mr James Rum P. Pumpi, 53, and his wife Edith Rum P. Pumpi, 51, from Carlisle, ha...

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Ransom Notes to The Editor

Dear Sir, You are probably wondering what has become of your editor, Mr Lowton, as he has not been seen in your offices since last Thursday. The answer is simple: Your editor has been kidnapped, and is currently being held to ransom. He was taken by me during his lunch break, when he had popped out (as was his custom) to buy a sandwich from Greggs The Bakers across the road. I have been...

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Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found

ASPEN - Hunter S. Thompson, who fatally shot himself at his Colorado home Sunday night, left behind a 352-page suicide note, say Aspen police. According to the note, which will be published in book form by Rolling Stone early next week, Thomps...

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Chief Inspector Derek Conway character in ITV's "The Bill" in tatters

The triumphant return from the dead of Chief Inspector Derek Conway in ITV's "The Bill" has been ruined by the political shenanigans of his political namesake, Conservative MP Derek Conway.

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'Cat confession' man not guilty; cats Twinkie and Pudsey charged with perjury, conspiracy

A 92-year-old man who confessed to his cats has been cleared of murder.

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Prince Philip Arrested Again

The troublesome Duke of Edinburgh has been arrested just two days after rolling his Land Rover in a Norfolk road accident - this time for not wearing a seat belt. Prince Philip, 97, was out gadding-about again after Thursday's smash, when he was s...

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"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"

A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...

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White Police Officer Almost Doesn't Shoot Handcuffed Unarmed Black Man

A Georgia state law enforcement officer was commended for following procedure during a routine traffic stop that nearly turned tragic earlier this week. Deputy Jason Hancock continued police department tradition of shooting unarmed black men, but...

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