Funny story: Jussie Smollett In Second Racist And Homophobic Attack

Jussie Smollett In Second Racist And Homophobic Attack

Jussie Smollett, the former actor who used to star in 'Empire' before an alleged racist and homophobic attack left him scared to tell the truth, has suffered a second racist and homophobic attack, which was every bit as terrifying - if not more - tha...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend

Boris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend

The new Tory leader-elect, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, has had a steaming, great fucking row with his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, at her London home, say neighbours. Johnson and Symonds were said to be arguing like 'cat and dog' during the...

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Funny story: Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul

Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul

Police have made a drugs bust in the northern port city of Hull, and believe they may have smashed a vital cog in the distribution of narcotics in East Yorkshire. A 24-year-old man riding a decrepit, old bicycle through the Orchard Park council es...

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Funny story: Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found

Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found

ASPEN - Hunter S. Thompson, who fatally shot himself at his Colorado home Sunday night, left behind a 352-page suicide note, say Aspen police. According to the note, which will be published in book form by Rolling Stone early next week, Thomps...

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Funny story: Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman

Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman

An uneasy feeling permeated the squad room as half a dozen or so officers waited for Chief Backoff's appearance. They knew the Chief's reprimand would be harsh, biting and very personal. After all, the shooting of a nude woman had never occurred here before. And two of the three cops who pulled the triggers were in the room. Abruptly the squad room door banged open and Chief Backoff barreled i...

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Funny story: "999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"

"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"

A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...

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Funny story: Shopping centre evacuated after spillage

Shopping centre evacuated after spillage

A busy shopping centre was evacuated after a water spillage occurred inside. The spillage is thought to have started on the ground floor of Wilkinson in The Pentagon Shopping Centre in Chatham, Kent at 5:30pm while a janitor was cleaning the floor...

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Funny story: London City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman

London City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman

A city gent in a pin-striped suit and a bowler hat, carrying a walking-stick, has been accused of sexual harassment, after he tipped his hat to a woman in a London street. Thomas Middleton-Markham, 56, of city stockbroker firm Grabbit and Quickly,...

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Funny story: Russia Is Behind Gatwick Drones

Russia Is Behind Gatwick Drones

The police investigation into the unauthorised drone activity at Gatwick Airport went 'two steps back' today, when a man and a woman arrested on Saturday were released without charge. Russia has emerged as the new suspect. The drone, which was...

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Funny story: Man Caught Urinating In Gent's Public Toilets

Man Caught Urinating In Gent's Public Toilets

Police were called to an incident at Paddington Station in London at the weekend, when a 28-year-old man was arrested for urinating in a public place - the Gentlemen's conveniences located on Platform 1. Guy Court, 28, was apprehended shortly afte...

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Funny story: Bikini Babes Stage "Pro Police Protest" At Florida Golf Club

Bikini Babes Stage "Pro Police Protest" At Florida Golf Club

Holding signs saying "Cops are hot" and "Cops do it better" local bikini babes swarmed the "Flamingo and the Raven Golf Club" in Sundown Florida. About 100 of the hottest chicks in south Florida attended the bikini and thong protest to show their su...

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Funny story: Same old Nazi Tories police conference warns

Same old Nazi Tories police conference warns

Bournenmouth - The Tories want 'revenge' on the police for the 1993 humiliation of 'pervs' like Prime Monster John Major a police conference heard today. Delegates were warned that the Conservatives, previously dubbed the nasty/Nazi party, were fo...

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Funny story: Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder

Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder

Police supervising a TV documentary murder reconstruction of an unsolved slaying that happened 20 years ago, have egg on their faces this evening, after a second murder took place in exactly the same manner as the first one. In Epsom, back in 199...

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Funny story: Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police

Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police

Liam Neeson, the Hollywood actor superstar, the veteran of more than a hundred movies, and Oscar-nominee for his latest film 'Cold Pursuit', has announced his intention to quit the silver screen, and to join the police force. Neeson, 66, said that...

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Funny story: Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...

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Funny story: Ant & Dec charged in Wearside Jack case

Ant & Dec charged in Wearside Jack case

Police have charged annoying television presenters Ant and Dec today in connection with a notorious hoax that diverted officers during their hunt 25 years ago for the "Yorkshire Ripper". The alleged entertainers, both from the bitterly c...

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Funny story: Cat Attack Caught On Video

Cat Attack Caught On Video

A series of incidents in Denver involving a seemingly deranged cat is a step nearer to being solved tonight, after yet another unprovoked attack on a young child was caught on video. The cat, a black one, apparently lays in wait in bushes or long...

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Funny story: Cops catch bad guy by the balls

Cops catch bad guy by the balls

In a joint operation Seattle Police and the FBI have arrested super Ponzi scheme perpetrator Jeremy Sandcastle by GPS tracking his testes. The FBI got the first break when a federally approved wiretap caught an interesting call between Sandcastle a...

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Funny story: Young Man's Death Deemed Non-Tragic Suicide

Young Man's Death Deemed Non-Tragic Suicide

After 22-year-old Jake Pruitt of Queens, New York, was found dead in his bathtub, his wrists slit and bloody, police officers officially deemed his death a non-tragic suicide. "He really didn't have much going for him," said New York Police Chief...

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Funny story: Ransom Notes to The Editor

Ransom Notes to The Editor

Dear Sir, You are probably wondering what has become of your editor, Mr Lowton, as he has not been seen in your offices since last Thursday. The answer is simple: Your editor has been kidnapped, and is currently being held to ransom. He was taken by me during his lunch break, when he had popped out (as was his custom) to buy a sandwich from Greggs The Bakers across the road. I have been...

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