Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal
Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered...
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Hunter Thompson Suicide Note Found
ASPEN - Hunter S. Thompson, who fatally shot himself at his Colorado home Sunday night, left behind a 352-page suicide note, say Aspen police. According to the note, which will be published in book form by Rolling Stone early next week, Thomps...
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Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals
North Yorkshire Police have apologised for providing "too much detail" in a description of a man who performed a sex act in front of a woman in York. The force had said it was looking for a "fat, naked man" and described his sexual organs explicitly...
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Young Black Male Wanted for Unspeakable Sex Crimes
The New York City Police Department is asking for the public's assistance in apprehending a medium- to dark-skinned black male between the ages of 17 and 25, who is wanted in the New York City area for questioning in regard to unspeakable alleged sex...
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Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol
Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...
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"It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl
A filthy young New York streetgirl accused of stealing and eating some chocolate from a shop, has claimed she wasn't responsible, despite the evidence still being all over her face. The grotty urchin, who looked about 5 years old, was interviewed...
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Derek Acorah arrested as part of operation Yo-Yo
Nottingham News for W/E: 23rd June 2012
Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul
German child with Air-Raid Siren causes Havoc In Shrewsbury
Free 'Bong Hits 4 Jesus' bumper stickers annoy drivers
Nottingham News for W/E: 29th April 2012
Police crackdown on rogue criminals
Health officials warn "Toblerone in a fridge" is a lethal weapon
Fashion Police Issue Joint Warrant For Osama bin Laden's Arrest
Well-Endowed Bikini Mom Kicked Out of A Water Park For Being Too Voluptuously Sexy!
Home Office bungles News International sweat shop rescue
Stephen Fry Arrested in Government Expenses Clampdown
Police Shoot, Kill, Nude Pregnant Woman
An uneasy feeling permeated the squad room as half a dozen or so officers waited for Chief Backoff's appearance. They knew the Chief's reprimand would be harsh, biting and very personal. After all, the shooting of a nude woman had never occurred here before. And two of the three cops who pulled the triggers were in the room. Abruptly the squad room door banged open and Chief Backoff barreled i...
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Chief Inspector Derek Conway character in ITV's "The Bill" in tatters
The triumphant return from the dead of Chief Inspector Derek Conway in ITV's "The Bill" has been ruined by the political shenanigans of his political namesake, Conservative MP Derek Conway.
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Police Taser use Doubles - Call of duty blamed
British bobbies were under the spotlight today as it was revealed that the use of Tasers in incidents almost doubles with every release of Call of Duty. The shock trends were uncovered by using the freedom of information act and asking some kids nick...
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Left Wingers To Help NRA & Gun Makers
CHICAGO TRIBUNE AP -- Since the November election gun sales, which more than doubled under Obama, have been dropping sharply, because of lessened fears that the government will take away the assault rifles and other armaments we need to protect...
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Corrupt Cops Copping Their Karma
Reading comments after Yahoo articles are, at best, a good way to while away time in need of being wasted or in bringing your blood pressure to near hospitalization levels. Usually it is just full of mudslinging and name calling from one side of the the fence to the other with the other side retaliating shortly thereafter. On occasion, rare occasion that is, it does serve up a few comments and sto...
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Tooth fairy suspended pending police checks
Children losing teeth will find no money under their pillows for many weeks as the government has ordered the tooth fairy to undergo police background checks before she can continue working with children. "Employees of all government funded organi...
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Half Dozen Spy Groups Will Determine How You Vote
With all the information being collected for every individual in the United States, you may not have to bother voting anymore as someone with your records will vote for you. Should you decide to go vote anyway, be warned ahead of time that you cou...
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Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime
Richard Puttup-Yur Dukes, allegedly an All-Tuna, Pennsylvania, man was allegedly arrested for alleged cruelty to animals after he allegedly punched a police officer in the face. The officer was allegedly responding to a call concerning Dukes's all...
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Boris Johnson Has Fucking Big Row With Girlfriend
The new Tory leader-elect, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, has had a steaming, great fucking row with his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, at her London home, say neighbours. Johnson and Symonds were said to be arguing like 'cat and dog' during the...
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Freed foreign criminals on the run crisis: deportation looms
London, Saturday 29 April 2006, (Associated Mess): The Metropolitan Police has confirmed today that it is about to take drastic action on the fiasco of missing foreign ex-prisoners on the run who have so far escaped deportation. And top of their...
Read full storyFunny Police Headlines
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Police move to ignore crime
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Alan Greenspan Charged With Killing Off Middle Class, Setting Stage for Economic Collapse
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Teenage gun crime - police arrest "the community"
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Bolton Police Drugs Raid Goes Tits-Up
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Police ban truncheon over "dildo" complaints.
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Northumberland Police Buy Chieftan Tanks
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Isle of Wight Citizens given Diplomatic Immunity
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Early on, Planet Earth looked like a giant jelly doughnut, scientists theorize
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Russia Is Behind Gatwick Drones
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Send This to Your Local Police to Let Them Know That Your Aunt Janice Wants 1 Million Dollars Or You Get It!
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Lohan Arrested on Suspicion of Being Suspicious
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New terror police
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A Policeman's Lotto is a Happy One!
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G20 - Special Interview with Met Comissioner Brian Panzer
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Fury At Private 999 Call Centre
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Yates of the Yard denies hanky-panky between the Met and the News of the World
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London Riots spread to Dublin
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Edge City Police Rule Bank Robbery As a Non-Crime, Implying That the Bank Brought it Upon Themselves
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London City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman
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Murder Mystery In Country House Has Police Baffled
